Reflections
by BofBanoff
Summary: "When I look inside you, I see me". A KateSawyer fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Reflections**

**Summary:** "When I look inside you, I see me". A KateSawyer fic.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Lost.

Note: I have only seen up to 1x8 "Confidence Man" (how about that kiss huh!). This takes place sometime after that.

* * *

It would have been an unbearably hot, humid day, but the breeze from the sea made it tolerable. Kate sat, knees drawn to her chin, deep in thought, her eyes unseeing, her ears blocking out the distant hum of the camp. She had removed herself slightly from the others, both physically and emotionally. She didn't want to deal with the others; they would look to her, as they had looked to Jack, to Sayid, to guide them, to be their leader. Kate couldn't do that. She only knew how to look after herself.

Relations with Jack had been strained, even more so than the camp divide had, by the actions of the past week. Her kiss with Sawyer was the main reason, she knew. Jack had found out (he always did) and had been disappointed, but to Kate it seemed he wasn't so much disappointed in the kiss than he was disappointed in _her_. Kate felt this disappointment like a weight on her shoulders. He had always had high expectations of her. Too high. Unrealistic. She could never be the person Jack wants her to be. Part of her thinks that Jack thinks that she's not good enough for him, not yet. And part of her feels irritated, angry, because he's trying to mould her into someone she isn't. And she knows that she's broken, but she's never asked to be fixed. Doesn't want to be. Because she knows she can't. But Jack doesn't know that. And he doesn't understand. Not even Kate understands fully.

The only person she thinks could come close to comprehending is Sawyer. No matter how hard Kate tries to push him away, no matter how much his actions disgust her, no matter how much he pushes her, he doesn't expect her to be anything except the person she is.

Kate's attracted to him. Undeniably. Although, of course, it is denied. In his sick, twisted little world, did he go through all that to get a kiss from her? Kate knows Sawyer's in love with pain, and maybe that's why he only ever looks at her in that way. Sawyer hates the person he has become, what he did, how he doesn't deserve anything, and Kate can identify with that.

His total indifference to his life scares her; even though she's been through hell and back, her desire to live is what has sustained her on the run, whilst Sawyer's mission has caused him to run from his life, and Kate can see the bitterness, the resentment he feels towards himself.

"Kate!"

Her reverie broken, she looked up at Michael, who had run up the beach, sweat glistening on his face.

"We're running out of fresh water. Do you think you could go get some? Since Charlie and Claire have gone to the caves and Sayid's gone we're down three people. I'd go myself but me and Walt are strengthening the tent, to try and make the beach a bit more habitable."

"Yeah, I'll go now. I was getting restless anyway."

"Really? Because, no offence, you seem quite happy just sitting and staring."

"I think I've done enough of that."

Kate stood up slowly, brushing the golden sand off her. She walked over to the tent, where she grabbed a large holdall and filled it with empty water bottles. Walt was sitting inside, reading a comic.

"Hey." Walt grinned, all teeth. "You seen my dad? He said we were gonna do the place up a bit."

"Yeah, he's on his way."

"'Kay. Thanks."

Walt went back to his comic and Kate headed out, smiling at Walt as she left.

_Poor kid_, she thought. _Stuck on a desert island with no one his own age_.

As she left the tent, she was so deep in her own thoughts, she never noticed Sawyer, and brushed past him when he held her shoulder, forcing her to stop.

"Where you goin', sweet cheeks?" he drawled, lazily chewing on a cigarette.

"Caves. We need fresh water," she replied brusquely.

"Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink," Sawyer recited, grinning ironically. "Well, what do you know, that sounds like fun. Gearing up for a tiff with lover boy?" His blue eyes glinted mischievously, reminding Kate all too suddenly of a Sawyer, tied up, tortured, but with the same look in his eyes as she had leaned in to kiss him. _Why was it that the most electrifying kiss I've ever had had to come from him?_

Obviously Sawyer had been thinking the same thing, because he openly leered at her, and she turned, disgusted.

"Go to hell, Sawyer."

"Aw, Freckles, did I hit a nerve? Or were you thinking of our little rendez-vous? Wouldn't blame you. I bet when Jack found out about it his skin must have _crawled_. Saving the world, but not getting the girl. That must have _hurt_. He's gotta learn though. He can't have everything."

"No one is _getting_ me. I'm not something to be _had_."

Sawyer acted nonchalantly as he spoke. "So how come you got the hots for the Doc? Apart from being a doctor, I mean."

"I don't have time for this." Kate turned to walk away when Sawyer spoke again.

"You weren't thinking of him when we kissed were you?" Kate thought she detected some vulnerability in his tone but his face was impassive.

"I was thinking of Shannon if you must know."

When Sawyer's lips curled upward she couldn't help smiling too. Sawyer saw Kate try to hide it and raised his eyebrow.

"Not like _that_, you pig."

"Freckles, I just want you to know I have nothing against any girl on girl action. Don't be shy."

Kate rolled her eyes. Sawyer grinned, loving the cat and mouse games they played, teasing each other, aggressive, potent. _And hell, Freckles ain't that bad to look at either. _He delightedly took in her lithe form, how relaxed she seemed when they were arguing good-naturedly. Kate and him, they were similar. Not identical, but he could tell that she had a dark past. She wasn't like the other girls, and even though he hated clichés, it was true. Doc couldn't handle her, that was for sure, she was a wild spirit and he a straight lace. And the sooner she realised that the better. Sawyer didn't (couldn't, _wouldn't_) care about love and all that crap, but Kate was the only one on this island he could stand, and that meant something, although he didn't know what apart from that he wanted her more than he had wanted other girls.

Sawyer swaggered closer to her. Kate taken aback by the sudden intensity in his eyes, stepped back involuntarily, until her back felt the hard bark where he had pinned her to a tree, her wrist captured in his hand, pressed high against the trunk. A stray lock of blonde hair fell over his face, casting a slight shadow. He could hear her breath, shallow, harsh, ragged, and he leaned a little closer, pleased that he could excite this reaction out of her. He looked into the detail in her face, her moss green eyes, the grey flecks within them, the freckles spread over her nose and cheeks in a fine smattering. He leaned closer still, tracing her lips with his eyes.

Fear and excitement and intrigue and desire ran though Kate's mind.

"Sawyer."

Kate meant it to come out as a warning, to stop this, it was too fast, but the breathy sigh that came out did nothing to dissuade him.

Sawyer closed the gap between them, roughly capturing her lips. His lips finally got to do what his eyes had been doing, tracing the contours of her mouth. Kate soon could no longer stand this teasing and with her free hand she grabbed his neck and pulled his mouth closer still. Her tongue slipped into his mouth with no resistance, and soon the two were wrestling with their tongues for dominance. Neither one were the type to back down.

_Mmmm…such a firecracker. I knew it._ Sawyer crowed in his mind, immersing himself in the experience.

He slid his hands down the length of her body, brushing the sides of her breasts, and finally cupping her ass.

"Sweet cheeks it is," Sawyer mumbled, kissing down the length of her neck, grinning at the sound of her soft, ragged moans.

Kate's eyes were unfocused as she lost herself in the moment. In the distance Walt and Vincent were running around, paying them no attention, but this was enough to startle Kate. She unceremoniously pushed Sawyer off her.

Sawyer was more than a little offended, but he still took a moment to admire the view. Flushed, her chest heaving, with obvious signs of their passionate embrace, he admired his handiwork.

"What's got you riled all of a sudden?"

Whilst his exterior exuded confidence and arrogance his heart still thudded as he offhandedly asked "Not thinking of the Doc right?"

When Kate didn't answer, her eyes glazed as she stared into the distance he repeated more harshly "Right?"

"No," Kate whispered. "I never thought of him at all."

She looked up at him though thick dark eyelashes, as if this was supposed to mean a damn thing to him. And it did.

Swallowing, she stepped away from Sawyer. Around him, she felt everything she vowed she'd never allow herself to feel. More than just passion. It was too confusing. She needed space.

"I need to go get the water."

"Go on then. I sure as hell ain't stopping you Freckles."

She paused, and turned.

"You coming?"

"What, to watch the Doc mooning over you? That's just embarrassing. Although on second thoughts…" He looked pointedly at her neck, at the purplish mark that couldn't be disguised as anything else. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "…maybe it'll be fun."

Kate rolled her eyes and headed off alone. Sawyer whipped out a cigarette and lit it, smirking at the brunette's agitation.

One word floated back at him.

"Ass."

Sawyer grinned and shook his head.

* * *

Please review if you've got this far!

Regarding **Here at the End**, at the moment it is only intended to be a one shot. And for those of you who were confused, that was my first _Lost_ fanfic, not my first one ever. I've written some O.C. fic as well. Sorry to put this here, but I wasn't sure where else to put it! Once again, review! This will be multi chaptered, so more reviews, more inspiration to write more!


	2. Chapter 2

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer: **I do not in any way, shape, or form, own Lost. Or The Simpsons.

Thanks to **mony19** and **Sawyer** for their reviews. I would love people who read to review; I know you are reading you know! Hope you enjoy this one and leave me feedback, even if it's only a line, or even just a word!

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Kate brushed through the branches as quickly as she dared, her head down, determined that the seemingly strategically placed roots would not trip her up. She was breathing heavily, partly from her fast pace, partly as a result of her encounter with Sawyer.

There was a definite spark, and both Kate and Sawyer were all too aware of the effect they had on each other. And that kiss had cemented any uncertainties.

_But what happens now?_ Kate pondered. _We can't just pretend it didn't happen. I can't exactly see us as boyfriend and girlfriend either. And what will Jack think? I don't want to hurt him, although that was always going to be inevitable with me, I should be surprised I held out this long – _

Kate paused. A faint rustle of branches and leaves steadily grew louder. She tensed. It didn't sound like whatever it was was tearing down whole trees, but stealth wasn't exactly its name either.

"Holy shit, Freckles, where you at? Damn woman, all about the chase," muttered Sawyer. A branch he had been holding back slipped from his grasp and hit him square in the face. Kate held back her laughter somewhat successfully as Sawyer swore at the pain, unaware that Kate was but two feet away.

"Oh, sure, you stop _now_," grumbled Sawyer, when she finally alerted him to her presence by coughing discretely. "There's no need to look so happy, woman. I'm in pain here." His slight whine at the end was intended to invoke sympathy in her, and damnit if it wasn't working. She apologised contritely, feeling a little guilty for laughing.

"Here, let me look."

Sawyer let her begrudgingly, and she took his face in her hands, tracing it gently. When Sawyer flinched, she murmured a "sorry" but didn't stop. Sawyer was unused to such an intimate event and looked into her moss green eyes as she studied his face, wondering at the intensity in them.

He gently wrapped her wrists around her dainty wrists.

"It's just a few scratches," she whispered, barely audible. Sawyer noticed he was close enough to see every individual freckle.

"Thanks."

Sawyer felt his remark inadequate, but could not think of anything wittier to say, so remained silent. Kate leaned in and kissed him softly. Sawyer was amazed at how much he enjoyed this slow, tender kiss, almost as much as he enjoyed their passionate embraces. Kate pulled away reluctantly, and Sawyer captured her bottom lip with his, hoping to ensnare her for a moment longer.

"Sawyer," she almost pleaded. "We need to get the water."

"Alrighty then. I feel much better now you've worked your magic on me. Care to be my own, personal doctor? At least I won't have Doc getting all up in my face that way." When Kate raised her eyebrow at him he shrugged. "You wanna think about it?" Kate wasn't forthcoming so he sighed dramatically.

"Well lead the way, Freckles."

They slipped into their banter like a hand fits a glove, but the silences they shared weren't uncomfortable for them either.

Kate eventually broke the silence.

"Why does everyone have to have a nickname with you?"

"Hell, not much else to do on this island." He pushed a rather large branch away from Kate, and gallantly gestured for her to go first. She ducked her head in thanks and smiled shyly at Sawyer's sudden show of gentlemanly behaviour.

"Hey, I'm a Southern gent, don't forget."

"Shouldn't that be "when you remember"?" Kate smirked. "You know," she said, slipping right back into their previous conversation, "you could learn our _names_."

"But where would be the fun in that? _Kate_."

"_James_."

"What, you have something against Freckles?"

"I _hate_ my freckles. I used to get teased at school all the time. My mom told me I spent too much time outside." She smiled wistfully. "You wanna know a secret? In a perverse way, I kinda like it. I've never been given a nickname before. Except Katie, but I was just a kid then. And "Katie" belongs in the past. I'm not that girl anymore." She stopped, sombre, as if thinking back on it, but added more cheerfully, "I've had loads of aliases though."

"Like what? Busty St Claire? Chesty LaRue?"

Kate just stared at him, tilting her head slightly, indicating to Sawyer she didn't quite get the reference.

"The Simpsons?" Sawyer gaped incredulously. "Don't tell me you've been that far out of reality?"

"I know what The Simpsons is," Kate answered back snappishly, her arms folded across her chest defensively.

"Alright Princess," Sawyer held his hands up. "Don't get your panties in a twist."

Kate looked deep into his eyes, searching for something, insight maybe, Sawyer didn't know, but it unnerved him, and, unable to stand the scrutiny any longer he turned, mimicking Kate's pose of staring at the ocean, although staring at a bunch of trees didn't have quite the same effect.

"It's strange. Every time I get closer to you I feel as if I don't know you at all," he said softly. "Is Kate even your real name?"

"Katherine," she offered. "But only my father ever called me that and only when I was in deep shit. Which, with me, was quite often."

Sawyer smiled. "Doesn't surprise me, Freckles."

He could imagine a mini-Kate running her parents ragged, always having to climb the tallest tree, wanting to explore further than she could.

"He left when I was thirteen." Kate's arms moved away from her defensive stance to hug herself. She looked away, swallowing briefly. "He was in the army, always moving us round. But then one day, my mom found he'd been cheating on her. With my teacher." She tried to smile ironically, but it came out as more of a grimace. "Never had much respect for authority after that."

"Bastard," Sawyer spat in solidarity.

Kate smiled in thanks, and carried on walking. "It was me who found out. My mom went spare. Things were never the same between us after that. At first, she thought I was lying, for attention. My criminal record started not long after that. Petty stuff at first, stealing and the like. Then it was just for fun. I got detained at the age of fifteen for jaywalking in NYC," she smirked.

Sawyer grinned, but his mind was still on her family, ruined the way he had ruined families. What had happened to her father?

_Guess we all got Daddy issues._

"Did your mom ever remarry?" he asked, for want of something to say, to keep Kate open before her walls went back up.

He instantly regretted his question. Her face clouded over like a tropical storm in fast-forward. Her eyes resembled troubled waters; a murky green.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said tightly.

"Ok. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Kate," he added pointedly as she ignored him and stalked off.

He grabbed her arm gently to pull her around to face him. To his horror, a solitary tear was making its way down her face, clinging in futile to her soft skin. He wiped it away, not letting her jerk his arm away. He repeated his apology.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

She shrugged him off.

"Just leave it Sawyer. Please." Her voice cracked slightly and she winced at her weakness.

Against his better judgement he dropped it.

"I'm not lettin' you go to the caves all upset though Princess. Jack'll have a hernia. You think he'll let you come on back to the beach? Dog, bone, and all that."

"Good point," said Kate, her voice wavering only a little. "I'm sorry. I don't – I don't know why I'm being such a – _girl_ about it."

"Hey Freckles, you may not have noticed, but I have, and you are _definitely_ of the female persuasion." He allowed his Southern accent to coat the last word like honey, and leered for good effect, all in hopes of eliciting a smile, and got a kick out of finding himself victorious.

"Come on Casanova," smiled Kate, resolutely wiping her face. "Let's go get this water."

And so they continued on.

* * *

So I wrote this with the intention of them actually getting to the caves, but it seemed like they had other plans! Review if you've got this far! 


	3. Chapter 3

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer: **I do not in any way, shape, or form, own Lost. Or Beauty and the Beast.

**Chapter 3**

Kate and Sawyer headed deeper into the jungle. Both swung their hands a tad more than usual, brushing together in short, electric, spine-tingling bursts. Neither said anything.

"Both a little scared, neither one prepared," quoted Kate in her head, wondering why they were both acting so shy all of a sudden. And why a _Beauty and the Beast_ song had popped into her head.

She felt suddenly nervous about seeing Jack. Not that she was going to tell him about her and Sawyer – or maybe she was, what did it matter? As much as she didn't want to admit it, she had a slight case of hero worship when it came to Jack. She needed someone to look up to, someone to set the standards she could aspire to. But that meant someone she would disappoint, and Kate didn't want to disappoint him. As much as this irritated her sometimes, as much as Jack and his holier than thou ways irritated her, she didn't want him to reject her.

"Oi, watch it Jack-ass," spat Sawyer, bringing Kate abruptly back to the present.

Jack was carrying a set of somewhat absurdly pristine golf clubs on his back, and one had slipped out, narrowly missing Sawyer's foot.

"Better luck next time, huh?" snarled Jack, in a thoroughly bad mood. He was still none too happy about Sawyer's hoarding. He bent down carefully to avoid the rest of the clubs falling out and grasped the club firmly, slotting it back into the case – "before you add it to your stash."

"Jack!" Kate narrowed her eyes in disbelief, confused by his rudeness.

"Sorry, _Kate_," Jack answered pointedly. "I just kinda woke up in a bad mood and was off to the gold course to try and de-stress." He ran a hand across the stubble that was already appearing on his chin, wiping away the excess sweat the humidity was causing.

"Why, you got PMS needs taking care of Doc?"

Jack ignored Sawyer. "What are you doing here with – this –" he pointed at Sawyer, "anyway?"

"_Is that jealousy?"_ thought Kate incredulously. _He's giving Sawyer looks dirtier than the dead boar Locke dragged back._ Kate had to smile when Jack looked beseechingly towards her. It was like a switch went on inside. "_Oh yes, Jack is definitely feeling something!"_ she thought, secretly gleeful. Charlie had mentioned that Jack had a crush on her, and to finally see it, coupled with Sawyer's attentions, made her feel wanted in a way she hadn't been for years – the "dead or alive" kind aside.

"It's _him_, Jack, not "this". _Sawyer_ is helping me get water for camp."

"What's in it for him?" asked Jack suspiciously, his eyes deep with mistrust. _"Why does he only ever do anything nice for anybody when Kate is involved?"_

"Why, the company of this young lady, of course," drawled Sawyer, sharing a glance with Kate that Jack didn't like one bit. When Kate smiled back at Sawyer something inside Jack snapped.

"Did something happen between you two?" he demanded, his face impassive, but his eyes belying the hurt and anger inside. He worked his jaw, and Kate couldn't bear for him to be mad.

"No," she blurted out, instinct to protect herself rising above any rational thought.

Sawyer looked at Kate, his heart as heavy as a stone dropped into his shoes. "_Well fine, if that's the way it is,"_ he thought, hurt beyond any reason he could think of.

"What?" he retorted. "Me and her? Doc you _must_ be joking. Think she would let me anywhere near her? Not one to give it up as easy as I thought." The last part came out so spitefully Sawyer felt guilty at the look on Kate's face, but also glad that she seemed to be feeling as bad as he did.

"_Well good," _he thought_. "Two can play at that game."_

"Don't you dare speak about Kate in that way!" retorted Jack, his fists balled, mistaking Kate's crestfallen expression for sheer offended.

"I'll speak about her however I damn well like" snapped Sawyer, pissed off at Jack's – well pissed off at Jack – and pissed off at Kate's apparent rejection of him.

Jack responded with a fast punch smack on Sawyer's nose.

"Son of a bitch!" exclaimed Sawyer, cradling his bloody nose. He was bent over from the force of his punch, and Jack never saw him pitch forward into his midsection, knocking both of them to the muddy ground. They grappled, rolling around as fists flew. Jack's golf case had fallen from his back and the clubs spilled out into the terrain.

"Sawyer! What are you doing? Get off him!" cried Kate, pulling at Sawyer's arm to attempt to stop him from strangling Jack, whose face was already turning red and veiny from the lack of oxygen. Sawyer, caught in the moment, only recognized in his mind that there was a distraction, so he sent a hard backhand to get rid of it. Kate, unexpectedly finding her strength flipped in the opposite direction, flew into a sturdy tree, sprawling onto the ground. She gasped at the sudden pain the contact with both Sawyer and the tree had caused, and just sat there, childhood memories, that had been buried so deep, threatening to erupt. She forced them down, but the instinct to flee was strong. She didn't know what Sawyer was capable of, and it scared her.

"_Why did I say no? God, this is all my fault. They're going to kill each other! What am I doing to everyone? I need to get out of here. Oh, God, I can't do this again."_ Kate rocked back and forth slightly, her judgement clouded by memories.

Meanwhile, Sayid and Michael, en route to the golf course, came upon the brawl, and managed to pry the two men off each other, who were breathing heavily, bruises and cuts already apparent.

Kate just stared, unaware of event, until Sayid crouched next to her.

"Kate." His lilting accent had no effect. He shook her slightly. "Kate. Are you ok? Did they hurt you?"

"No, no," whispered Kate, a wisp of hair falling into her face. She brushed it away instinctively, her eyes wild, her mind on another place.

Sayid gently trace the knot on her jaw that was already swelling, where Sawyer's fist had connected with her face. She winced and jerked away involuntarily, only calming when Sayid called her name again.

"What? No, I'm fine. Just, leave me. Please." She brushed Sayid off as gently as she could, considering her entire body was shaking, her jaw and back were throbbing, and her heart was beating so fast she was surprised it didn't explode.

She chanced a look over at the two. Sawyer was untangling himself from Michael, arms up in a submissive pose. He swiped the blood off his lower lip, his head bent, glowering at Jack. Jack was massaging his neck, asking Hurley, who had stumbled upon the commotion, to assess his injuries.

"Well, ladies and gents, now that the shows over, I'm gonna go get what I came here for," Sawyer said to no one in particular, and her headed towards the fresh water.

Kate remembered the purpose of the trip, and also wanting to speak to Sawyer, made to follow him. Jack put his hands on her shoulders, stopping her.

"You're not following him after what just happened?" Jack asked in disbelief.

"I have to get the water Jack," explained Kate impatiently, not wanting to lose sight of Sawyer, wanting to ask him what the _hell_ was going on.

"You're not going back with him after that."

"Excuse me? You are _not_ the boss of me. I am _not_ staying at these caves."

"You can't be around Sawyer without anyone to protect you."

"I don't believe this. _You_ started this fight."

"Because Sawyer was –"

"Being an ass. As usual Jack. It's nothing new, nothing that I can't handle."

"He hit you."

"Not on purpose."

"God, why are you defending him?" Jack threw his hands up in the air. "I swear to God Kate, I don't understand you."

"You don't know me Jack."

"That's because you won't let me! Every time I think I'm getting closer, you move further and further away!"

Kate and Jack stood in a silent stand off, neither saying a word. Jack's eyes searched Kate's intently, and she responded by turning away. She grabbed her bag, collecting the empty bottles that had cascaded out, and stormed off to the water, leaving a bewildered and angry Jack behind.

A/N: Don't worry, things will get better! Reviews always welcomed xxxxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost.

**Chapter 4**

Kate jogged up to the clearing, confused, angry, and a little scared. What would she say to Sawyer? She had basically dumped him before they'd even got together.

_What a mess._

She paused as she reached the clearing. The waterfall never ceased to amaze her with all of its natural beauty. Sawyer was crouched down between some rocks collecting water, wincing; whether in pain or concentration, Kate wasn't sure. _Probably both_. People were giving him a wide berth, in all probability because he growled at anyone who came too close.

She walked towards him, then paused again, unsure. She looked pensively at the waterfall, marvelling at the glossy sheen as it moved gracefully down like a sheet billowing out, then splintering into a million tiny pieces as it made contact with the calm lake, shattering its tranquillity.

_Would me and Sawyer fit together anyway?_ she thought. _Are we too alike? Will we just end up tearing each other to pieces? The lust, the heat is there, but is the compassion, the understanding? God, this is complicated._

"Hey Freckles, you just come for the view or are you gonna help me do what we came here for?" His Southern voice was filled with attitude and impatience but Kate could see through it.

"I'm sorry-" she started softly, but was cut off by Sawyer.

"Sorry?" he scoffed. "For what? For our li'l rumble in the jungle? Sorry, princess, but you can't take that back. I don't take no refunds."

"Sawyer!"

He raised an eyebrow cockily.

"You got a problem?"

"Yes! Aren't we going to talk about what just happened?"

"Nope."

Sawyer turned back and flung the filled bottles in the bag, reaching for another set to fill. Kate reached over and put her hand on his, to stop him, mindless of what had happened only minutes before. Sawyer flinched, but didn't pull away. A moment's silence followed.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled eventually, looking at the ground, the rocks, anywhere but at her. "Should never hit a woman. I may not be a good man but my momma always taught me never to hit a girl."

Kate squeezed his hand and with her free one she tilted his face up, forcing him to look at her.

"Look, I'm not condoning what you did, not at all, but you didn't do it on purpose Sawyer. I hurt you and you lashed out."

"I never planned on hittin' you. Jackass was an easy target…"

Kate sighed. "That doesn't make it right, Sawyer; you can't just go round beating everyone up!"

"Hey! I did not start that fight princess; your lover boy was the one who got all jealous-"

"There's something up with Jack, Sawyer, he would never normally do something like that."

"Why are you defending him? Did you forget how he _watched_ the Iraqi torture me, and how _happy_ he was?"

"He wasn't happy Sawyer, he just – why didn't you just tell him you didn't have the inhalers?"

"Oh, changing the subject now, are we? Can't find an excuse for Doc's behaviour? Let me tell you something, I may have my issues, but I am _not_ the only one."

Kate flushed slightly at the inference to the knowledge she had shared with Sawyer earlier, and looked away.

"Still ain't forgotten that little ol' word you said to Jackass back there. _"No."_ Did you mean that? Cos if so princess, let me know now. I'm all up for you but if you're wanna keep me as your dirty little secret, you got another thing coming. I'm not the kind of guy that's gonna parade you round like a prize but I ain't gonna be the guy you bang at night and then watch you suck up to Jackass either."

"I wouldn't do that Sawyer…"

"Wouldn't you? How the hell would I know Kate? I don't know you? Hell I don't know anyone on this fuckin' island."

"You know I'm not like that," said Kate, with more conviction than she felt.

"Yeah?"

"Well you're not a bundle of information either, _James_. Don't put all the blame on me, I like to share."

"Well I don't Freckles. It's me or him. You gotta choose, and do it fast cos I'm missing out on a lot of skirt chasing if you're not interested."

"Sawyer, don't be like that. You _know_ I…" She hesitated briefly, but it was enough for Sawyer to pick up on.

"What? Can't get the words out?"

"It's hard Sawyer, I'm not used to opening up to anyone. Ever."

"I'm not just anyone Freckles; or am I?"

"You know I like you," she said quietly, looking at him so seriously and earnestly Sawyer was forgetting why he was mad at her in the first place.

"Maybe you better keep on tellin' me that. I might get it into my thick skull then. You going to tell the good doctor?"

Kate opened her mouth, but the words didn't come out. Truth be told, she hadn't even thought about what to say to Jack, she was too preoccupied in running after Sawyer.

"No?"

Sawyer smiled sarcastically, and shoved another filled bottle in the hold all.

"…And now Jackass is gonna go around telling ever'body how I'm a wife beater as well as a thug. Well ain' that just a bundle of joy, sunshine."

"Wife beater? Sawyer, isn't that jumping the gun a bit? I mean, we ought to at least have a date first before we get married." Kate strove for a light-hearted tone, smiling as Sawyer's lips curled upwards slightly. His posture seemed to relax somewhat, more comfortable with banter than articulating anger and he jumped into it without a second's hesitation.

"How d'ya know I'd marry you, Freckles? You seem more like a seedy affair kinda girl to me."

Kate narrowed her eyes, her mouth opened in mock horror.

"Fine, if that's how it is," she replied, mock offended. She turned away, ignoring Sawyer's "Aw, c'mon Freckles". She stayed with her back to him, until the shock of a spray of cold water made her turn around. She gasped slightly, surprised.

Sawyer was still sat on the ground, his fingers lazily playing with a bottle top. He grinned shyly, before squirting her slightly again.

"Sawyer! Stop that!" she ordered. She walked over to him and tried to grab the bottle off him. He retaliated by pouring the whole lot over her, drenching her upper body as he pulled her down on his lap.

"Gotcha," he smirked.

"Sawyer!" she shrieked. "I'm soaking!"

"Maybe you should take your clothes off to dry 'em."

Kate just stared at him.

"Fine, Freckles, don't say I didn't give you a chance."

She grinned, and glanced up at him, surprised to find out that he was slightly taller than her. Maybe it was the sand; maybe he sunk more than she did.

He looked down at her, a grin still caught on his face. He moved closer to her, his breath mingling with hers.

"Have you ever counted your freckles?" he whispered.

"What?" she murmured, slightly thrown by his question. Their noses were brushing against each other. Sawyer wrapped one of Kate's curly locks around his finger, his other hand wrapping itself around her tiny waist.

"I'm sorry I hit you," he mumbled. "I'd never hurt you."

"I know," she whispered back. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said no, I don't know why I did. I'll tell Jack, I swear."

"No. Don't feel like you have to. Sure, I'd love to see the look on his face but don't do it because of me. I think," Sawyer chose his words carefully, "you still have some kind of thing for him, so tell him when you're ready, Freckles."

She looked up at him, at once grateful and puzzled. He smiled. "Now that's all the sympathy towards Hero you're gonna get, so don't go expectin' any more now."

"Thanks," she mumbled, but it was lost in Sawyer's lips as he finally leant in to kiss her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Lost

OK guys, thanks so much for all the reviews, I love each and every one! Um, also, I'll be putting in some of the season in my own way, seeing as I bought the DVDs from America so now I'm caught up (almost!)

* * *

**Chapter 5**

The kiss became more intense. One of Sawyer's hands slid up the back of Kate's shirt, caressing the silky smooth skin. The other hand tangled itself up in her curls, forcing her head closer. Their tongues dueled, each trying to get even closer to the other. Kate ran her hands up and down Sawyer's biceps, reveling in the friction the taut skin of his muscles provided against her. She hoisted a leg onto his lap, crawling onto him. The gasps coming from both of them signaled a need to breathe, but they pushed on, a soft mewl coming from Kate when Sawyer bit her lip slightly doing nothing to dissuade him.

A soft thud startled them out of their passionate embrace. Her mind a fuzzy haze, Kate looked over to see the source of the noise. A twine basket lay upturned on the ground, delicate berries spilling out of them.

"Oh."

Sun stood in front of them, seemingly equally as startled. She hurriedly scooped up the berries, muttering in Korean.

Kate leaned her head on Sawyer's, breathing heavily. She moved to leave, but Sawyer encircled her waist with his strong arms, and suddenly Kate had no urge to move even a millimetre away.

"Sun…uh, don't – tell-" Kate started to annunciate clearly, then stopped. "This is pointless. She's not gonna understand me is she?"

Sun looked blankly at them and held her hands up as if to say "Sorry, I don't understand."

"Hey Sun!" drawled Sawyer. "Go away, me and Freckles here are plannin' on having some wild jungle lovin'!"

He smirked and nudged Kate, raising his eyebrow at her. But Kate was staring at Sun.

Sun had grinned briefly, before realizing her mistake. Now the phrase "deer in the headlights" sprung to Kate's mind.

"You smiled. You understood Sawyer. You speak English?" When Sun started to shake her head she spoke again. "No, you do, you understand us! Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Sun's figure visibly drooped in surrender.

"My husband. He has a bad temper."

Kate untangled herself from Sawyer and walked over to Sun. But Sun was too quick for her and grabbing the basket she moved away.

"I'll keep your secret if you keep mine."

And with that, she scurried out of the clearing.

Sawyer stood up slowly. Kate admired the view, a half smile on her face as she took in his Adonis like figure. Not that she'd ever tell him that he looked that good, but the muscular tone, added to his bronze skin, his bright blue eyes - if Kate were the type she would be close to swooning right about now. He wiped his hands on his trousers as he stood up.

"Well, day-um, sweet pea, looks like you learn something new every day," Sawyer drew out, as if tasting the words as they left his mouth. He paused, noticing her too-innocent look. "Freckles? See something you like? A fine specimen of a man?"

Kate gasped. "Charlie's here?"

"You're one step away from drooling princess, you can't fool me."

He frowned slightly and came closer, invading her personal space in the way only he could. He bent down to her ear. "You're joking right?"

Kate smiled secretively, but before she could reply Sawyer started to plant small kisses on her ear. She gasped at the deliciously wet sensations Sawyer invoked as he sucked on her earlobe. He bit it gently before pulling away slightly.

"Still thinking about Tea boy?" he murmured, his hot breath on her wet ear making her shiver.

"Who?"

"Good answer."

A voice in the distance broke through the peaceful tranquility of the lake. Soon it was clear enough to make out the words, although Kate had no idea why the hell anyone would be calling "Kate, Kate, wherefore art thou Kate?"

She looked at Sawyer, puzzled.

"Don't look at me Freckles, I told you it was a bad idea to let the lunatics run the asylum."

Hurley burst through, sweat dripping off him.

"Du…ude," he panted, collapsing against a nearby trunk.

"That makes so much more sense," stated Sawyer. To Hurley he asked "What's with the Romeo lingo?"

"Well no one was responding to "Kate" so I…got creative," panted Hurley.

"Righhht."

"What do you want Hurley?" asked Kate, annoyed at all the interruptions.

"Michael sent me after you – he wants to know why it takes three hours to get some water. Unless you were killed, in which case he sent me out to find your bodies."

Hurley let out a deep breath, then looked up expectantly at Sawyer, proffering an arm.

"Dude. Pull me up," Hurley implored.

"How many ways are there to say "Hell no"?" sneered Sawyer, looking in disgust at the sheen of sweat that covered Hurley.

"Sawyer," pleaded Kate.

"_Damn girl giving me those puppy dog eyes. Look away, this doesn't bother you, a million girls have done this before and it hasn't worked, aw hell, she's putting her hands on her hips, that is so adorable - unless she's coming over to hit me…"_

"Fine." Sawyer quickly acquiesced. He acted testily, but was pleased that Kate looked happy. He slowly reached out, until he was unable to delay the inevitable any longer and quickly grabbed Hurley by his hand and his shirt and yanked him up. He wiped his hands on his trousers in disgust.

"Woah." Hurley swayed a little. "I think I might need some of that water." He walked over to the bag filled with water bottles and went to bend down, until Sawyer stopped him.

"You think I'm gonna pull you up again?"

Kate looked disapproving but said nothing as she picked up a bottle and passed it to Hurley. He nodded his thanks before devouring the whole bottle in several gulps. He passed the empty bottle to Sawyer.

"Might as well fill it up again," he smiled cheerily.

Sawyer let out a small growl, before sending Kate a look of contempt for Hurley, but he bent down and refilled the bottle. He swung the bag over his shoulder and saw Kate had already put the other bag on.

They walked on in silence, making good time except for Hurley's frequently needed breaks. Sawyer and Kate were deep in thought, knowing their situation couldn't go on as it was forever.

Sawyer spoke first.

"You know you might as well act soon because soon ever'body on this damn island including the crazy French chick is going to know except Jack. There's nowhere to hide, sweet cheeks."

"Huh?" Hurley was more than confused. "Know what? You talking to me?"

"Don't worry, Hurley." Kate looked pointedly at Sawyer. "But Jack _will_ know, so don't get in a mood about it!"

"I'm not in a mood!" Sawyer countered grumpily.

"Yes you are!"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Guys? Guys, what are you talking about?" Hurley looked from one to the other. Glares emanated from the two and Hurley stopped, forcing Kate and Sawyer to stop.

"Dudes. Seriously, what the freck is going on?"

"Freck? Who says that? What are you, twelve?"

"Actually, twenty nine. But what are you two arguing about?"

"Nothing!" Both almost shouted in unison.

"Do they need a reason to argue?" Michael stepped out of the clearing.

"God!" shouted Kate, her irritation quickly seeping into anger. "We can't even _argue_ in private!"

"Well if you would bring back the water when we ask you to we would leave you alone!"

"Hey don't speak to her like that!" Sawyer challenged Michael, stepping closer to him, eyeing his size.

"Not this again. I don't believe it," muttered Kate, stalking off.

"Hey Freckles, wait for me."

"Kate, can I just get the water off you?"

"Will someone tell me what is going on?"

"Kate!"

"Fine!" Kate cried. "Just shut up! All of you! I am going to tell Jack, _right this second_, that me and Sawyer are…together, and if anyone else wants to annoy me, or get in my way, go through Sawyer!"

And with that she stormed off. The men looked on in silence, until Michael smiled and held his hand out to Sawyer.

"Way to go, man."

Sawyer looked at the hand for a moment, a grin creeping up on his face.

"Aw what the hell."

He grasped Michael's hand firmly, Hurley slapping him on the back, and the three men hollered and whooped.

* * *

AN: Sun's words about not wanting Jin to find out are from the episode of Lost which I cannot for the life of me remember, but it's not mine.

Also, anyone thinking Michael and Hurley may be more inclined to be on Jack's side, they're just having some masculine bonding. (They're probably glad too that the triangle is being sorted out!)


	6. Chapter 6

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Lost.

**Chapter 6**

Kate stormed through the dense foliage, wind whistling past her ears, the air humid, suffocating. Her gait was an odd mixture of gracefulness and stomping, navigating the landscape without a second thought, as if she had designed it herself. Her surroundings were eerily still, and it hit her, as it did at odd times, that they really were in the middle of nowhere.

_It's always calm before a storm_, thought Kate. And she wondered if that would turn out to be not only literal but metaphorical too. Time would tell.

Thoughts whirled around her mind, like a miniature hurricane, randomly spewing out lucid ones, the kind that imprinted themselves on the backs of eyelids.

_Me and Sawyer._

_I have to tell Jack._

_I have to tell him before anyone else does._

_He'll be angry._

_Sawyer's dimples. Mmmm._

_Am I right to trust Sawyer?_

_How am I going to tell Jack?_

_Just come right out and say it. Don't blather, and don't pause._

At this moment, a distant sound of people hollering floated through the foliage, and Kate ducked her head and smiled sheepishly, even though there was no one around to see her.

_Sawyer must have told them._

She turned left at a fork that the survivors' traffic had worn into a recognisable track. She could hear a distant hum of noise, and as she came closer she saw Jack and Sun struggling to communicate. Sun was holding up berries and pointing emphatically, whilst Jack was guessing at what she meant. Kate listened amusedly.

_Jack knew some really weird uses of berries._

She ducked under a low hanging branch to enter the makeshift infirmary. She held up a hand in greeting, and Sun smiled back, before retreating to a nearby cave. Jack walked over to her, a dissatisfied smile on his face.

"Hi."

"Hey. What's that smile on your face for?"

"Wondering what exactly the one hundred and first use is of those berries."

"They're not for eating?"

Jack just looked at her.

"Ok, so I came here to tell you something and don't speak until I've finished ok because I have to tell you otherwise I'll wimp out and I don't want you to hear from someone else –"

Kate was aware on some level that she was babbling but she couldn't seem to stop.

"Woah, hold on there. I have something important I need to say first."

"But-"

"Please?"

Kate relented, not wanting to crush him more than necessary. Jack absent-mindedly rubbed his neck, which was looking red and swollen from Sawyer's earlier vice-like grip.

"Look, I wanted to apologise for earlier. I know there's no love lost between me and Sawyer but it was wrong of me to take out my bad mood on him."

"Shouldn't you be apologising to Sawyer?"

Jack smiled wryly.

"Probably. I just…I thought I saw my father again. Turned out, it was just I dream and I was sleepwalking, but it kinda freaked me out. And then I got all pissed about my dad for managing to work me up even after he's dead, and that if he hadn't of died I wouldn't have gotten on the stupid plane and I wouldn't be stuck on this stupid island…and so on."

Jack scratched his head and winced slightly.

"So anyway, I just wanted you to know I'm not a grade A asshole without a reason. But enough about me. What did you want to say?"

Unbeknownst to the two, Sawyer had slipped away from Michael and Hurley and quietly lurked behind the dense foliage. He could just about make out the two figures of Kate and Jack but their words were crystal clear. He hung back, unwilling to intrude but too curious to just walk away.

Kate had paused, and was trying to get her words out articulately. She went over the words in her head, but none seemed to fit.

"Kate?"

"Me and Sawyer are together," she blurted out.

"Huh?"

When there was no answer forthcoming from Kate his forehead crinkled.

"This is a joke right?"

Kate shook her head.

"No," she mumbled, looking into the darkness of the caves behind him.

Jack frowned, then laughed bitterly.

"Well this is just great. I mean, I treat you like a person, whilst Sawyer treats you like he'd treat…himself?"

_Do not, _Sawyer glowered to himself from behind the sturdy trees.

"Himself? You don't know him Jack; he's not like that to me at all. He's actually, in his own way, very good to me."

"For what, all of a week? Unless you've been hiding this. How long has this been going on? Don't tell me I'm the last to know, Kate, don't tell me that."

"You're not. I thought you should know first… although Sun and Hurley kinda know. And Michael." Kate grimaced; this was not coming out well at all.

Jack looked at her incredulously.

"Well forgive me if I'm not bursting with joy at the thought of you with _him_."

"Jack, don't be like this. Please."

Jack sighed, and turned away. He swallowed, grimacing as he forgot about his sore neck. He crouched down, hands on his head, collecting his thoughts. Kate stayed back, feeling like she had just kicked a puppy.

"Jack…"

He took a deep breath.

"Look, it's not you being with someone else. It's that that someone else is _Sawyer_. I don't trust him and I don't think you should either."

"Jack…"

"Goddamit Kate!" Jack picked up a nearly empty bottle of antiseptic and threw it at the tree next to her. It smashed on the sturdy tree trunk next to Kate and she flinched. Sawyer jumped as tiny shards of glass threw themselves towards him. He ducked, ready to jump in if necessary, but knowing Kate needed to finish this. He growled a low rumble in his throat at his frustration. Patience was never one of his virtues.

Kate had closed her eyes involuntarily. She opened them to see the shards, angry glass tears spilling onto the ground by her feet, hating herself from turning this essentially good man into something she recognised all too well.

Jack turned away, shouting "dammit!" in resentment. He managed to recollect himself somewhat, before looking back at Kate. He noticed look on her face.

"Don't. I _meant_ to hit that tree. You think I would throw that at you? Kate, no matter how angry I get, I'm not going to it out physically on a woman. Do you think that little of me? I don't hit women. Unlike Sawyer."

_Oh, he had to get that dig in._

"Jack, how many times…"

"No Kate. He's a thief. A liar. A murderer."

Kate looked down. Her eyes brimmed with tears, a tide she managed to turn. She eventually looked up at him, sadness and regret and fear and dejected acceptance in her leafy green eyes.

"So am I."

Jack paused, confirmation of the darkness she usually concealed so well within her hitting him like a bullet. He'd had some idea, of course, but to be told in such a brutally honest way was almost too much.

"Does Sawyer know that?"

Kate sat down on a rock, wary and weary. She traced patterns in the dust with a twig.

"I don't…I've never told him, but I think he has an idea. He's smart Jack. He knows I was on the plane with the marshal and he knows some stuff about my past."

"I think this is something he should know, Kate."

"He will."

_I already do now,_ thought Sawyer, wishing he had heard that particular bombshell first. _They had some things in common, then_.

Jack's voice was abrupt, and it startled Kate. "Do you have protection?"

Kate blushed slightly, but her head had snapped up at the personal question. "Jack, that's between me and Sawyer."

"Fine."

"Jack-"

"Just don't."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Because it's easier this way."

"Jack I don't –"

"Kate, you'd have to be deaf, dumb or blind not to notice that I like you. A lot. And it seems like you being with Sawyer is just to spite me. I know, I know, it's not. I'll just blame it on the island and the stress. But, Kate, you know I can't stand him. He's not a good person."

He ignored Kate's vehement disagreement.

"I can't watch you two be…together. So I think it's best that we just go our separate ways."

"Are you making me choose?"

"Kate, you already made your choice."

"So you're saying I'm supposed to what? Ignore you? Hell Jack, the islands not big enough that I can just isolate myself from you. I thought we were friends."

Sawyer fidgeted in the bushes, where he had crept to get a better view. Kate was now standing up, arms crossed, a defiant and disbelieving look on her face. Jack looked like someone had punched him, and for once Sawyer found no joy in it.

"Kate, I'm not doing this to spite you, I just…I can't handle this. I can't be everyone's saviour and have to pretend that seeing you with Sawyer doesn't bother me."

"Jack, no one is asking you to be the saviour."

"Aren't they? Don't you see the way everyone comes to me, like I can make everything better? God Kate, even you do it."

"Jack…"

"Look, this is the only way I can do it. I don't know how to be ok with this, and until I do, I need some space. I'm not saying that you are the love of my life and seeing you with someone else makes me die inside, because I've known you for what, a few weeks? But knowing that something…can't happen, it's hard. It's been something which has been getting me through all this, you know? I know it's stupid but I felt that I was working towards something. Save the day and get the girl."

"I'm sorry." Kate whispered, looking at him in the eyes. His looked defeated, drained. Whilst hers did hold hurt in them, there was no mistaking the steely determination which had got her this far in life. Jack knew she wouldn't back down, wouldn't change her mind.

"Me too. Goodbye Kate."

"Goodbye Jack," Kate murmured sadly, hugging herself as he left the makeshift infirmary.

"Jack!"

He looked over his shoulder.

"Don't be too much of a stranger, ok?"

Jack just nodded and with one last longing glance he left.

Kate collapsed onto one of the more comfortable rocks, the heels of her palms rubbing her forehead. She took deep calming breaths, willing her heart to stop pounding in her ears.

The warmth of Sawyer as her put his arm around her was exactly what she needed. He gently nudged her head into the crook of his arm, and kissed her on the crown of her head. They stayed in their embrace for some time, saying nothing, not needing to, as they gazed into the empty distance from which Jack had exited.

Then came the rain.


	7. Chapter 7

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** What, you think I suddenly own Lost? Sawyer's hashed up line from "Leisure" by W.H. Davies isn't mine either.

**Chapter 7**

"Kate, come on, let's go."

The rain hammered down, they were already drenched and it had only started a second ago. Sawyer impatiently wiped his hair back from his face, the beads of rain dripping annoyingly onto his nose.

"Kate!"

They were both wet from head to toe, but not even the repeated use of her proper name got a reaction from her. Sawyer was worried. Kate's hair was plastered to her head, pulling the curls out, her shirt sticking to her in what seemed to Sawyer the most interesting of ways. She didn't seem to be aware of anything, and was just staring, staring at the same place she had been for the last five minutes.

"Kate!" Sawyer shouted, crouching in front of her and shaking her gently. "Come on girl, let's go."

Kate's eyes seemed to refocus at Sawyer's presence in front of her. She looked up, surprised.

"Come on Freckles, we got no time to stand and stare." He pulled her up roughly, and Kate stumbled before she found her footing, although Sawyer kept his firm grip on her. He half-led, half-pulled her towards the caves, but she dragged her feet and forced him to stop.

"Not there. Jack's there."

Sawyer couldn't hear her over the pounding of the rain. Kate repeated herself louder, but it wasn't loud enough. Eventually she just shook her head, hoping he would understand. He got the hint, and, grabbing her hand, ran off towards the beach.

Five sodden minutes later the beach came into sight. The two, hand in hand still, half slid, half tripped into Sawyer's tent. They sat down, cold and wet and exhausted. Kate rocked slightly, shivering, her teeth chattering, her arms wrapped around herself. Sawyer quickly changed into a dry set of jeans and a top, never one for modesty. He tugged at the bottom of Kate's top, but she stopped him.

"Come on Freckles. You can't stay in that."

She considered him, and finally acquiesced, nodding slowly. He peeled her soaking wet tank top off her and rubbed her gently with a towel as she kicked off her jeans. She sat there in her underwear whilst Sawyer poked around until he found a thickish shirt he owned (one of his actual shirts, not one he "took") and dressed her in it. The shirt swamped her, and Sawyer smiled at how small and cute she looked.

He nudged her.

"Move up, sweetheart. There's room for two."

He wrapped himself around her, until they were cuddled against one another. Sawyer hated cuddling with women, but in the wet, cold conditions, it wasn't all that bad. Besides, Kate was still shivering and he couldn't just watch. It was even kind of cosy, curled up together in the double aeroplane seat, the rain beating down on the tarp above them, dry sand being turned to a dark sludge by their wet shoes. Kate had thrown hers off, and lay barefoot, tucking them underneath her.

"This is nice," she murmured.

"Mmmm."

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the rain.

_Charlie must feel right at home._

Conversation crept up, they exchanged facts about themselves, some serious, most inane. The rain had stopped but neither had noticed, their conversation becoming more lively. Kate had laughed at Sawyer's many menial jobs, but when he heard that Kate had run for Prom Queen at high school he had scoffed.

"You Freckles? Yeah right. I always imagined you as a bit of a loner, can't see you beating out against all them cheerleaders."

She looked pensively at the sand.

"Well, the guys all liked me and I got on well enough with most of the girls. I just…I wanted to do something, for once in my life, that would count as a "normal" memory, that I could look back on and think, "Yeah, my life didn't always suck." You're right, I was never the most popular girl, but I wanted something tangible to leave behind, something to say that yes, for one day, I did exist and people noticed." Kate laughed bitterly. "Then, back in the real world, people started noticing a bit too much."

"Why?"

Kate smiled mysteriously, leaning her head against Sawyer's broad chest.

"Hey, don't think you can just crawl over me and make me forget…" Kate started planting little kisses on his neck, trailing down over his collarbone. She laughed and pulled away. "…What were you saying?"

They continued talking, until Sawyer asked Kate, if his jobs were so bad, what she used to do for a living.

"So, come on then. What were you?"

Kate paused. She knew she had to tell him sooner or later.

"Wanted."

Sawyer smirked at her, not looking the least bit surprised.

"That's one hell of a job, Freckles. Pay well?"

"Nah, it was shit. Reward wasn't too shabby though."

"Yeah, twenty three thousand dollars?" Sawyer took on a conversational tone, but knowing the box he was opening. "Australian of course, but not bad nonetheless."

"What?" Kate's head sprang up and she eyed Sawyer warily. She shifted imperceptibly but Sawyer knew a defensive stance when he saw one.

He rummaged around in the tent, and finally thrust an old copy of the Sydney Morning Herald at her.

"Swapped it with Shannon for a Vogue."

"Did Shannon-"

"She never read it. Said news bored her, especially old news."

"How long have you known?"

"Long enough Princess. You ever plannin' on tellin' me?"

Kate shrugged, defeated.

"Does anyone else know? I know you told Jackass."

"How?"

"I heard your conversation sweet cheeks. Hey," Sawyer held up his hands as Kate glowered menacingly at him, "I didn't interrupt, did I? Held up my end of the deal."

Kate ran a hand through her thick mane of curls, tugging at the tangles.

"Hurley's seen my mug shot."

"Hurley? Guy's all up in everyone's grill, ain't he?" Then after a pause. "How come I don't get to see your mug shot? Paper here shows a photo of you from high school. How old is that?"

"…'Bout seven years."

"You're twenty five? Christ, I feel like a cradle snatcher."

"Why? How old are you, _daddy_?" Kate purred all too innocently, and it sent jolts down Sawyer's spine. He swallowed deeply to gain some composure before replying.

"Thirty five."

"That's not so bad. You still got a few years left in you, old man."

Sawyer was offended.

"Old man? I'll show you old man, sassafras."

He scooped her up and flung her over his shoulder, with a firm slap on her behind to emphasise his point.

"Sawyer!" Kate squealed. "Put me down!"

"Me Sawyer, you Kate," intoned Sawyer deeply in his best caveman voice. Kate half heartedly balled her fists and hit his back as Sawyer strode out of the tent, ignoring the stares from the other campers.

"Sawyer!" Kate shrieked as she realised they were outside in full view of the camp and making quite the spectacle, especially seeing as she was wearing Sawyer's shirt, her underwear and not a whole lot else. The blood was rushing to her head, making her feel all woozy and heavy in the wrong places.

Sawyer raced around the beach with her, whooping as he kicked the tide, sending a cool spray over Kate, ignoring her insulted shrieks. With one more slap on her ass, Sawyer flipped her back over and lay her down on the sand, waves gently lapping on Kate's left. She looked up at him; cheeks flushed red, wisps of hair escaping from her ponytail, her mouth open slightly as she panted. She licked her lips once, deliberately, and the shiny redness of her lips was too enticing to him to ignore. He leaned over to Kate, close enough to feel her breath come in short puffs on his cheek.

"I may be older than you, but the best years of my life are still ahead of me," he whispered breathlessly, from the exertion of running around with Kate on his back and from the arousal building up in him.

He pressed himself against Kate, hard and lean against soft and curvy. He leaned in slowly, so slowly.

He was deliciously tantalising. Kate had had enough and pulled him to her for a searing kiss. Sawyer brought his hand up to cup her face, the other clutching her waist. Kate was leaning back on one hand, but brought it up to grab Sawyer's muscular arm. Sawyer took advantage of this and pressed her down to the sand. He inched his hand up her body, under her shirt. His hands traced the planes of her stomach, toned yet velvet soft, her muscles contorting involuntarily at his touch. He inched up higher still –

"Hey! You wanna leave anything to the imagination?" called Claire irritably, who was uncomfortable and grouchy in this last stage of pregnancy. "Show some decency to the people who can't just go round having sex."

Sawyer growled, the vibrations against her neck making Kate giggle. "Charlie! Control your woman!"

"Don't ask me, she's been like this all bloody day – hey, ow!" Claire responded to that comment with a sharp elbow to his side. Charlie lowered his bottom lip and gazed beseechingly at Claire, who then laughed and nudged him gently in apology.

"Hey guys, I'm sorry. I'm just _really_ cranky. This baby is going to be a footballer, I swear. Look, just ignore me."

Kate smiled. "No worries, Claire. And I apologise about Sawyer. It's his advanced age."

Sawyer looked at Kate incredulously. "Geez woman, what does it take?"

Kate smirked. "You can show me later." She walked off, consciously wiggling her hips a little more than usual, throwing a grin over her shoulder. Sawyer ran a hand over his stubble, a glint in his eye, admiring the view. He cocked an eyebrow.

"See ya."

A/N: Wow, I'm on a roll! I've never written so many chapters in such a short space of time! Go me!


	8. Chapter 8

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Lost.

**Chapter 8**

It was a pleasantly warm evening, but it was fast approaching a humid night. The logs Sayid was carrying scratched at the sand as dragged them over to a spot on the beach near Shannon, ready to build a fire.

"Do you…want to stay here tonight?" Sayid asked haltingly.

Shannon looked up at him, and shyly smiled. Despite what her brother may have said, she liked Sayid, _really_ liked him. He was sweet, and kind, and patient, and more importantly, he was hot.

_Boone never thinks I can look after myself. If I stay with Sayid, he will get totally pissed off. Bonus._

"Is that a yes?" Sayid tilted his head, studying her face intensely as he finished tying up the firewood and tightened it with a sharp tug.

"Sure, why not?" She grasped her ankles, and laid her head on her knees, squinting in the low sun.

Sayid smiled.

"Good."

He sat down beside her, sharing the tree trunk to lean on. They sat in silence, until the air was punctuated with peals of laughter and sighs ringing from Sawyer's tent.

"Nice. God, some people are such animals." Shannon spat with disgust.

"Shannon, they are just laughing."

"They are _so_ doing it."

A moan from Kate sounded at Shannon's comment. She raised her perfectly arched eyebrow at Sayid's naivety.

Sayid looked defensive. "I was just trying to be a gentleman and ignore it."

"I think we should move."

"But…"

He looked at the heavy logs he had just brought over, and his face drooped at the thought of having to move it.

"Leave it." Shannon noticed his stare. "It's like a sauna, anyway."

She started to walk off, whilst Sayid stood unsure.

"…And if you get cold, _I'll_ warm you up." The blonde looked at him suggestively, before making towards a spot on the beach a long, long way off.

"…_Oh, Sawyer…"_

"_That's it Freckles, come on now_…"

Sayid's mind was made up. He ran after Shannon.

"My ears," he moaned.

"Serves you right."

* * *

When Sawyer and Kate emerged from the tent, night had descended. Kate patted her hair self consciously, but the unruly curls, which Sawyer had pulled free from her ponytail, looked as wild as ever.

"Why do we have to come out?" whined Sawyer, in Kate's ear, playfully nipping the lobe, whilst drawing her closer by her shoulder with his hand, which hung gently over it, a casual yet possessive stance.

"Because we were hungry, remember?"

"The only thing I'm a-hungering for is you, sexy."

Kate laughed. "You don't have to talk like that all the time you know. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are! Otherwise we'd still be in my tent."

Kate smirked at him as his stomach rumbled, loudly.

"Time for boar."

"Well, don't you two look like you've just walked out of Oceania High? Shouldn't you have a little more respect?" Boone narrowed his eyes angrily as he stood before the couple.

Sawyer unconsciously stepped in front of Kate. "Respect for what, Metro? And what are you doing out here on the beach, isn't it past your bedtime?" He snarled menacingly at Boone, and though Boone stood his ground, he didn't look as confident as he had before.

"I'm looking for Shannon, _actually_."

"Sticks? She's way down beach with Captain Falafel. Tell me, boy, why should I have a "little more respect"?" Sawyer made air quotes as he said this.

"For Jack. How could you do this to him?" He directed this at Kate. Sawyer's grip on her tightened.

"You make it sound like this is just to piss Jack off."

"Well isn't it?"

Kate was indignant, but Sawyer even more so. She sensed this and elbowed him sharply before replying.

"No, it's not. And if you haven't anything else to say, I suggest you move along," she responded pointedly.

When Boone hesitated, she added "_Now_."

With one last glare he set off down the beach. Moments later they could hear him harassing Shannon, who was giving back as good as she got.

"Well that was interesting."

"Told you we should have stayed in my tent."

They wandered over to the camp that was set up unusually far down the beach. They sat on a spare patch of sand next to Claire, who pushed two aeroplane trays full of boar and berries towards them.

"Thank you," said Kate, amazed at the Australian's kindness. "You saved these for us?"

"I wanted to apologise for earlier," Claire smiled good-naturedly at the two. "Although I have to say, I'm glad you came now because I might have eaten them otherwise."

"It's good?"

"Boar is gooood." Sawyer mumbled through a mouthful.

Kate responded by hitting him.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, that's so rude," Kate scolded.

Charlie grinned. "You two are like an old married couple already."

"Takes one to know one," Sawyer snorted into his food, earning another hit from Kate. He scowled at her and she glared back. Claire and Charlie pretended not to hear, and the four of them, Sawyer albeit reluctantly, passed the night away talking. Kate knew Sawyer wasn't a people person and would much rather be having sex with her in his tent, but he was making the effort for her, so she was extra nice to him and decided to make it worth his while later. She was also pleased that Claire and Charlie were making the effort to include Sawyer, knowing they were some of the few people willing to do so. She wanted to show some support for Claire as well, after her whole kidnapping ordeal. She was safe and sound, thank God, but Kate thought it was the least she could do to be a friend to her. She hadn't had female companionship in a long time, feeling more comfortable around men, but there was something about the Australian's sunny attitude that drew Kate in.

* * *

It was dark when Sawyer woke up with a start. He carefully dislodged himself from Kate and stepped outside, the clammy air doing nothing to calm him.

A movement to his left startled him, and he spun around to see…Sawyer.

The real Sawyer.

Sawyer pinched himself and rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing properly. The other Sawyer glided off into the jungle. Sawyer ran after him, yelling to get his attention.

"Hey! HEY!"

He finally stopped.

"Son of a bitch I've been looking for you for too long." He tried to punch him, but he could never seem to _quite_ reach him.

"Give it up, "Sawyer". And give _her_ up too." The voice was ghostly, haunting. He knew he'd hear it in his dreams for some time to come.

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Freckles?"

The other Sawyer nodded.

"What? No. Not a snowball's chance in Hell. I'm not giving her up." Sawyer growled defensively.

"You will give her up."

"Make me." Sawyer balled his fists, poised to fight.

"You really think she should be with you? You've never had a proper relationship to save your life!" The voice was ghostly, derisive.

"That's because you took away my chances of a normal life."

"Poor "Sawyer". Cue the violins. But what do you do James? You want to kill me, but I'm already dead. You've become me Sawyer. That means you want to kill yourself."

"Stop twisting-"

"You know it's true. Stay away from her. She will not be yours."

"What?"

"The Others are coming. They will take away that which you love the most." His voice took on a more genial tone, which was nonetheless chilling. "I'm trying to do you a favour, son. You can carry on, but they'll take her. You'll never see her again if they think she matters."

"I don't believe you," Sawyer spat, his heart thumping with the fear that the words were true.

"Then she'll die. After they've raped her, tortured her, after they've turned her into something unrecognisable. You don't believe? It's already happened. The pregnant girl who was taken? Why do you think she can't remember anything? The French lady? Why do you think she's batshit crazy? Do you really want to risk her life, her sanity, her security, because you don't believe me? Her life is in your hands Sawyer."

The ghostly voice faded away, as did the other Sawyer, drifting away into the wilderness. Sawyer rushed after him, but he was gone.

Sawyer stood, panting with adrenaline. He was shaking, his mind spinning. He let out an anguished yell.

_Damnit._

He wasn't taking any chances. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

Sawyer curled up beside Kate, enjoying the last few hours he would spend with her, holding her, kissing her gently. Kate burrowed into him, making little sighs as she slept on, unaware of Sawyer's inner turmoil. A harsh sob caught him unaware, and he stifled it, scared that he would wake Kate and have to explain why he had a solitary tear running down his cheek. He clenched his eyes together, as he wondered why he had to do this to her.

He wasn't taking any chances.

* * *

"…Is that all I am to you? A piece of ass? I've been defending you all day because I believed you when you said that I was the only girl for you and now you're telling me you've had enough? You don't understand feelings at all, do you? Are you totally cold inside?"

"You were wrong about me, Freckles. You know when you asked me my job? I was a _con man_. That's right sweetheart. I spent all my time sleeping with mugs who wanted danger with sex for breakfast then took all their husband's money right from under their noses. You're right, I don't understand feelings. But I understand the way women work and it didn't take me long at all to get you gagging for it."

"I mean that little to you?"

"You read my letter. My name wasn't Sawyer when I wrote that, but in trying to find Sawyer, I became him. Ain't nothing more dangerous than turning into the person you're lookin' to kill. That's right Freckles. Seen the light? Why don't you go back to your precious Jackass, he'll be the knight in shining armour that you're looking for."

"I don't want Jack. I want you." Her voice trembled slightly but she stood tall.

"Really?" Sawyer said in a low voice, in disbelief that after all he had done, she hadn't walked away.

"Yes. And I know why you're being such a jerk, so stop it."

"There ain't no reason but I'm bored of ya, sweet cheeks. Got what I wanted." His heart was breaking as he said those words, and he could tell hers was too. His heart plummeted as she looked as if she was going to cry. It was like watching a disaster unfold, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from her heartbreaking beauty. She turned away, and when she turned back her face was a perfect mask.

"Fine. If that's how it is," she muttered.

"Yeah, that's how it is," Sawyer jeered.

"Fine!" Kate shouted.

"Fine!"

Sawyer watched her longingly as she stormed off. If he had known what would happen next, and how long it would be until he saw her again, he would have taken those words back, grabbed hold of her so tightly and never let go of her. But as it was, he didn't, so once Kate's retreating figure was no longer visible he turned and trudged back to the camp, head down, kicking a boulder in anger.

"It's for her own good," he mumbled, trying to convince himself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Lost.

A/N: Sawyer's line "As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted" is something I say a lot lol. Television in the UK was suspended during WW2, and after the war was over, the first broadcast started by saying the above quote. Just some useless info I thought was fun! Anyway, enough of me…

**Chapter 9**

"What the _hell_ do you think you're playing at?"

Whoever Sawyer had been expecting, it wasn't the pregnant girl. But maybe it should have been. Claire was shooting daggers at him, her righteous anger pouring off her. Being nine months pregnant didn't lessen the effect; in fact, it added to it. Before, Sawyer would never have considered calling the bubbly Australian formidable, but now...

He would have replied with some offsetting, probably derogatory remark, but he knew exactly what Claire was angry at him for. He sighed, and shuffled along, hands in his pocket, to stare at the ocean, unwittingly mimicking the pose Kate so often took.

"Look, mamacita, you ain't gonna understand so why don't you just go before things get ugly?"

"Things are already ugly Sawyer. And you're right, I don't understand. So explain."

Sawyer glanced sideways at her and said nothing.

"That wasn't a question."

Claire sat down awkwardly on the sand, pulling Sawyer with her. He scowled, obstinately looking away from her.

"I got bored of her. Ain't nothin' else to tell, missy."

When he noticed that Claire was still looking expectantly at him, he sighed irritably.

"Fine. But what I say don't leave you, got it?"

"Ok."

Sawyer paused, wondering the best way to start.

"So, it's late, I wake up. Go outside for some air, the usual. But then I saw Sawyer. At first I thought-"

"Wait. You saw yourself?"

"No. The real Sawyer. My name's not really Sawyer. It's James. Long story which I don't really feel like sharing so don't ask, alright? So I see Sawyer, and at first I think I'm seeing things. I rub my eyes; pinch myself et cetera, but he's still there. He walks away, and me, still half asleep, thinks it'd be a great idea to follow him. Now I know, Jacko saw his daddy and in the end it was just hallucinations, but this was different."

"How?"

"He talked to me-"

"So obviously he's real then, not a hallucination of your own?" Sarcasm slipped through Claire's voice like a sharp tang in sour milk and Sawyer didn't like it.

"Will you let me finish woman? Jeez. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, he started talking. And then I _knew_ it couldn't be a hallucination-"

"Why?"

Sawyer sighed impatiently.

"-_Because_, he started saying things I had no way of knowing. About the Others. You know, the ones who took you?"

"I'd say "how could I forget?" but I think that's null."

"Exactly. What they did to you, maybe nothing could be proven physically by Doctor Do-Right, but it musta been horrific if you can't remember any of it. There ain't any other reason."

"Sure there is…"

"Like what?"

"…I don't know, but that's beside the point."

Sawyer laughed bitterly.

"So upshot of it all is, they want to take what you need the most. Maybe they didn't take your baby because you weren't ready, beats me why they let you back. But that Sawyer, he told me what they would do to her. And I can't- I can't put her through that because of me."

"Sawyer, that could be your mind rationalising why you shouldn't be together and making up excuses."

"That elaborate? I don't think so, somehow. I'd rather she hated me for the rest of her life than to go through what he described to me."

"Sawyer, you have no way of knowing it's true."

"But I have no way of knowing it's not!" shouted Sawyer, suddenly glad people gave him a wide berth, so he attracted no unwanted attention. His voice softened. "Look, I know I've been an ass of the worse kind, but I'm doing it for her. Nobody ever taught me how to do right by people, so I'm doing it the only way I know how."

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"Do you think she would just accept it? You know Freckles, that would make her more determined to go out there and find them before they found her. And I ain't doing that."

"So you think there's more than just Ethan then?" Claire looked worried, and her voice was shaky. Sawyer felt bad for transferring his fears to her.

"Look, I ain't saying this to scare you. But, it wouldn't hurt you not to run off into the forest on your own. Because yes, I believe that Ethan wasn't the only one. I don't know what they want but I know that they are stronger than us, cleverer, sneakier. But we're playin' on their field. The best chance we have is to wait and let them come to us, and to hope, to _pray,_ that they make a mistake first."

Claire looked deeply perturbed.

Sawyer glanced across the beach and saw Kate. His heart stopped. Her beauty, her gracefulness, it was too much. He wanted to throw himself at her feet. He wanted to worship her body, trap her in his tent with him, and shut out the world.

_God, what a sap._

Kate glanced over at him, saw him staring. A flash of pain etched itself across her delicate features, but was quickly replaced with an inscrutable look, as she deliberately turned her back on him, hoisted the water bag over her back and made off for the jungle. A second later he saw Charlie jogging after her.

_We being tag teamed?_

_Don't some people have anything better to do?_

"Do you think we should set up some kind of security?" Claire interrupted his train of thought.

"Yeah," Sawyer scoffed. "'Cause that worked so well last time. Been to Scott's grave lately?"

"Was it Scott? You'd think it would be easy to tell them apart now. So Steve's still alive?"

"Uhh…I have no idea. Going fifty-fifty back there."

"Right. Shouldn't people know about the Others though?"

"They already know bout Ethan, chica, and they ain't likely to believe scum like me, especially seeing as the other Sawyer wasn't convenient enough to stick around."

Claire studied Sawyer.

"I believe you. But why not tell Jack? I mean, at least he'd –"

"Jackass? Not a hope in hell sweetheart, I ain't tellin' him nothin'. He'd probably try and punch me again. He won't listen."

"But-"

"I said no, sheila, now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go and have myself a little pity party. And you ain't invited."

Claire held up her hands as Sawyer stalked off, and pondered over the latest information. She was glad that Sawyer wasn't being an absolute ass because he couldn't care less about Kate, but because he _did;_ but the scariest thing was the reason why.

He had hit the nail on the head about her fears of just why she couldn't remember her abduction, and the thought that they may come back for her was chilling. She desperately wanted Charlie, to joke with her, to make stupid comments or make up ludicrous songs. But he was with Kate, after Claire had asked him to keep an eye on her whilst she went for Sawyer, a target less likely to be on the move continuously.

Claire felt bad, not contributing around the camp because of her condition, so if she could help in little ways, by talking, then she would.

She just hoped it helped enough.

* * *

**Next chapter**: Kate and Charlie.

A/N: I'm updating like crazy, I must be having a spurt of creativity or something! Lol it's probably because I have the whole story (the bare bones mind you) all mapped out. I have some great Kate/Sawyer scenes planned, but I have so much to get through before it's feasible! Thank you all so much for the reviews, they mean so much to me. I'm glad the chapter was shocking for you, the plot has officially started!

It's half term this week, which means, depending on how social I am, I'll either update like crazy or hardly at all! I've sent off my UCAS and uni stuff which is a big relief to me, so now I just have to power through my ton of maths homework, and write a really great essay for English, because I'm applying to do it at Oxford, so I need to make sure it's really good. Probably TMI there, but it feels cathartic to lay out what needs to be done. Lol. So there you go.


	10. Chapter 10

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost. Or any reality TV shows.

**Chapter 10**

"Hey Kate, Kate, wait up!" Charlie's voice could be heard in the distance, but the jungle swirled around her, swallowing all signs of civilisation. She ignored him and carried on, savouring the quiet for just a moment longer.

"Kate! There you are! I've been calling for bloody ages!" Charlie panted, bracing his hands on his knees as he looked up at Kate.

"Charlie, sorry, I didn't hear you," Kate lied, gritting her teeth. She had hoped to slip off on her own, to think things through. A brisk walk always helped her gain composure, but it looked like that hope would be shattered, like her heart had been yesterday.

She didn't understand why Sawyer had given her such a sudden brush off, but then again she had a feeling that she knew all too well; namely that everyone was right, Sawyer was just in it for the sex. His past backed that up, except what was his ulterior motive? Apart from one-upping Jack and breaking her. She had nothing he hadn't already taken. She had believed him, trusted him, fallen for him and he had used her. Why didn't she see it coming? She had been around men like him before, so why didn't she recognise the pattern?

_Because he was different_, her mind insisted.

Could it possibly be that something was going on?

_No_, Kate decided. _He's never done anything on this island which wasn't for his benefit, so why would he start now?_

As much as Kate longed to think there was a better explanation for his actions, she was a pragmatist, had _had _to be, and couldn't entertain the thought that his apparent rejection of her was more complicated than the reason he gave her.

It was simpler that way.

"Kate? Hello, anybody in there?" Charlie was waving in front of her face, and Kate realised she had zoned out.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, just…got a lot on my mind." She silently hoped he would take the hint and go away, but she had no such luck.

Charlie looked down, sheepish. He scratched his head.

"Yeah, I, uh, know. I just thought it might be a good idea for you not to be on your own, you know? You can shout at me, tell me to shut up if I annoy you babbling on, but I'll feel better if I know you're safe. You're my friend, after all." He smiled apprehensively.

Kate though irritated, curved her mouth upwards slightly. She appreciated what Charlie was trying to do, even if she wasn't in the mood for bonding. "You can never have too many friends, I guess."

Kate was mad as hell at Sawyer, she was upset, she was confused, but she was also lonely, and although she wanted to be alone, she liked that Charlie was worried about her. Too few people had ever cared enough.

Also, Kate, being an only child, had never had the annoying brother.

They carried on at a brisk walk, a pace Kate chose in hopes of keeping Charlie quiet. Charlie personally didn't see why they had to go so fast, but he was using all of his energy up just to keep up with Kate, who seemed to have an endless supply of vigour.

"Um, where are we going, by the way?"

Sweat covered Charlie and he gasped for air as he attempted to both talk and keep up the pace. Whereas Kate looked like she had the stamina to go on forever.

"To find more fruit. We've picked the trees bare near us. Also, I want to find some different seeds for Sun's garden."

"Can we stop for lunch?"

"Ten minutes?"

"Deal."

Twenty minutes later, much to Charlie's fairly silent chagrin, they stopped in a clearing. Luckily, Kate had enough provisions to feed both of them, seeing as Charlie had not planned on a hike.

After five minutes of silence, Kate took pity on Charlie. After taking a bite of her banana, she chewed, thinking of a safe topic to broach.

"So, Charlie, I always wanted to visit England. What's it like?"

Charlie latched onto the subject eagerly.

"Oh, I love it. Home is where the heart is, and all that. I miss it so much, you know, and it doesn't help being stuck here with a load of Yanks."

He paused long enough to chew on a mango, and looked thoughtfully as he took in the luscious greenery that surrounded them.

"What do you miss the most?"

"The smallest things. People saying hello by going "A'right mate?" Having a proper cuppa. Coronation Street. Pop Idol-"

"What's that, a rip off of American Idol?"

Charlie looked deeply offended.

"Good God no! American Idol was the rip off of Pop Idol! Actually, a huge number of reality TV concepts were bought from the UK. My favourite is "I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here!" Once we get out of here, do you reckon I'll be asked to be on it? I bet I could win, you know, after being here; it'd be a walk in the park! Just imagine, me, being crowned King of the Jungle by Ant and Dec!"

Charlie closed his eyes in ecstasy as he imagined being crowned, and though Kate rolled her eyes, she envied Charlie's ability to look on the bright side.

He opened his eyes and noticed her staring. She smiled.

"That's a nice dream Charlie."

Charlie grinned and held two thumbs up.

"Hey, I made you smile!"

Kate immediately stopped, but her mouth wavered before she gave up, flashing her white teeth bashfully, her eyelashes fluttering downwards.

"Look, thanks, Charlie, I appreciate this," Kate told him honestly.

"Well, you know, Sawyer's being a right sod, and being a bloke I can't pretend that I'm good about being the bitchy girl friend- although I can try if you want me to- I just thought my dazzling personality would help get your mind off the bastard. And it did! …Until I brought him up again..." Charlie trailed off, frowning.

"Come on, let's go." Kate was uncomfortable in the direction this seemed to be going, and they needed to get a move on. They walked on again, in an awkward silence. In the end, it was inevitably Charlie who broke the ice.

"You All Everybody!" He sang repeatedly in falsetto.

Kate groaned. By the time they got to the fruit she would gladly have paid money never to hear that song again.

_You All Everybody_, Kate's inner mind stubbornly sang.

_I'm going to kill Charlie…_

Charlie's tactic had worked though. She was so pissed off at his catchiest song (from his most excellent band Driveshaft), and for no obvious reason, that she wasn't thinking about Sawyer, and that was good enough for Charlie. He had hoped to eventually get a duet going, but you couldn't get everything you hoped for.

"Kate?"

"Yeah?" Her response was sharp, and Charlie nearly didn't reply for fear of annoying her more.

"Charlie?"

"I…you'll think this is stupid..."

"Go on."

"I had a…dream…or something…and my brother Liam was here, on the island, and he was telling me that things wouldn't be the same for long. That they'd take Claire away again. Do you think that's true?"

Kate stopped, and looked at him seriously.

"I don't know, honestly; maybe. I don't know. It was just a dream Charlie, you shouldn't read too much into it. Then again, there's no explanation for them taking Claire the first time. But don't worry; she's on the beach surrounded by people. As long as she doesn't go off on her own she should be fine."

"But it's ok for you to go off alone?"

"I'm not nine months pregnant."

"Ethan managed to kidnap Claire and hang me from a tree single-handedly, or have you forgotten? We were two on one and he still bested us."

Kate had no answer for that.

On the way back Charlie rambled on inanely, about anything and everything to keep both Kate and him distracted, staying close to her. He eventually descended into silence when Kate's annoyance at his non-stop chattering permeated the air without her saying a word. The silence unnerved Charlie. He felt safer with every step that took them closer to camp.

Until he heard Claire scream.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys, I'm only going to ask this once, but review? Please? I mean I'm getting enough hits and quite a few people on faves or alerts, but two reviews per chapter? If it wasn't for the fabulous **Sawyer **who reviews every. single.chapter and a few others who drop in, I would just put this up on Lost-Forum. I don't want to be a review whore, but a line every so often would make me smile : )

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Lost, would I be writing fanfic?

**Chapter 11**

"Claire!"

Charlie uttered a primal cry and blindly followed the sound of the scream.

Kate ran after him, foliage passing in a green blur, wind whistling past her ears. Her heart was pumping with adrenaline, as she tried to find Charlie in the vast dense foliage. She called his name-

"Charlie!"

- And promptly ran into him, knocking them both to the ground.

Kate winced as the ground and several branches met her body, bruising and scratching her skin.

"What's the matter? Why'd you stop? Charlie?"

"Do you hear that?" Charlie murmured, his whole posture admitting defeat.

Kate listened intently to the surroundings, but she could hear nothing. She strained her ears, trying to decipher even the tiniest sign of life. But it was silent. Eerily silent.

There was nothing to suggest Claire had ever screamed.

"I don't hear anything," Kate whispered.

They sat as they were, half in a bush, half sprawled on the muddy terrain for some time, contemplating what had just happened.

Finally, Kate spoke.

"Maybe we were just hearing things," she offered weakly. "The island has done strange things to us. Jack saw his father –"

"No. This isn't the same." Charlie's voice was unusually gruff, and he picked at his bandages on his fingers.

"Are you sure it was Claire?"

"When you first heard the scream, who did you think it was?"

"Claire," Kate admitted dejectedly. "But there's no guarantee that it was. Maybe we should head back to camp and see if she's there."

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Charlie's dejected tone seeped into anger. "You're giving up on her already, aren't you?"

"What? Charlie, no, I'm just-"

"You are! We haven't got a hope in hell of finding her, and you know it! No one bothered to look for her last time, and no one is going to this time!"

"Charlie, we had search parties for her-"

"Look Kate, fair do's to you, you and Jack searched and you found me; but after a few days no one bothered looking for her. And what was worse, they _lied _about it. And now she's gone, _again._ They snatched her out from under our noses. They're taunting us, Kate, but this time they're not going to let her get away again. It's my dream! What Liam said, it's _true._" Charlie's voice cracked, and he curled up in a foetal position, his chest heaving, dry sobs emitting themselves.

She watched him in sympathy, wanting to comfort him but not knowing how to. She laid a hand gently on his shoulder, but he flinched and shook her off.

She took a deep breath.

"Charlie." Kate's tone brooked no argument. "We _will_ get her back. But we have to make sure that she's not safe at the camp before we go half assed into the jungle with no one knowing where we are, or what we're doing."

"But-"

"But no, Charlie, we have to do this. I'm all for running after Claire now, to find her as fast as possible, but do you have the slightest clue where she is? And like you said, Ethan on his own was more than a match for you and Claire. What if there's more than one of them? We need to go back Charlie."

He looked unconvinced.

"Charlie, look at me. Look at me. I promise, we _will_ find Claire." Kate's voice wavered with intensity, forcing Charlie to almost believe her. "We won't forget, and we won't stop. Claire's my friend too. And I don't have many friends. So there's no way in hell I'm losing the ones I've got."

She looked hard at Charlie, searching in his eyes for some kind of hope. He breathed out deeply before looking up at Kate, who had stood up in front of him for her impassioned speech. He held a hand and she grabbed it, pulling him up from the dusty floor.

"Promise?" His voice was scratchy and low, but Kate caught it.

"Promise."

* * *

"Claire!"

"Claire, have you seen her?"

"The pregnant girl, you seen her around lately?"

Charlie's frantic questions yielded no results, save that some had seen her with Sawyer way up the beach a couple of hours ago. So he made his way over to the Southerner, who was seemingly engrossed in a girls magazine.

When Charlie's shadow loomed over the magazine he shut it so quickly his hands fumbled and he ended up knocking the magazine onto the floor.

"God, limey, you scared the hell outta me."

"Why you reading a girl's-"

"Look," Sawyer interjected quickly, picking the pages up. "Don't you think that this chick looks like Kate?"

"Uh…yeah…sure…Look Sawyer, me and Kate were in the jungle, and we heard Claire scream. And word is, you were the last to see her. Where'd she go?"

"Damnit, I told her not to go off on her own. Women!" Sawyer's speech had all the ingredients of his usual cocky self but the shakiness in his voice underlined his concern.

"What?"

"Look, long story, short of it is I think the Others are behind this. Had a…um…let's call it a dream…"

"You too? You knew Claire was in danger and you said nothing?"

Charlie angrily shoved Sawyer but he was no match for Sawyer's muscles. Sawyer grabbed him firmly and shoved him down.

"It was about _Kate_, not Claire. I was just warning your girlfriend this mornin', tryin' to do some good, but I might as well not have bothered for all the good it's doin'!" Sawyer's accent became more pronounced the more frustrated he got and he slammed his fist into his tent.

"So that's why you and Kate…"Charlie trailed off as the realisation of Sawyer's actions sunk in. "She thinks you're a heartless bastard you know."

"I was just tryin' to protect her!"

Charlie smiled, a sad smile. "She doesn't know that. You're a better person than I thought you were."

"What? No, I'm not a good person. Don't make me prove it to you. Now come on, let's get a search party together and go find your girlfriend."

* * *

"Jack, now is _not_ the time for your judgmental attitude," said Kate, her voice wavering with intensity.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Sawyer sleeps with you then throws you away like garbage, just like I said, and I don't have time for an "I told you so"? Kate, I don't wanna be petty but you can't just come running back to me and pretend nothing happened. We're not going to happen Kate."

Kate was vaguely aware that her mouth was hanging open in what was probably a most unseemly fashion but the most she could manage was a "Wah..huh?"

Jack stared at Kate, his eyes rimmed slightly with red after a stressful night. She looked back at him, collecting her thoughts. She took a deep breath, willing herself to stay cool.

"Claire is missing Jack. Me and Charlie heard her scream. No one has seen her for hours. Now she doesn't have the time allow us to continue this conversation, so we are going to spread news, think of a plan, and look for her. Ok?" Kate's voice was measured, forcibly calm, but her eyes sparkled with determination. "Now I don't want to work with Sawyer, and I don't want to work with you. But Claire needs her help so we better put aside these "petty" differences and find her."

Jack wiped his hand across his chin, taking in the information. Finally, he nodded.

"Alright. I'll find Sayid."

"I'll tell Locke."

"Meeting on the beach in ten."

"Fine."

With that they both turned away from each other and walked in opposite directions. Sawyer and Charlie were heading towards Kate, who abruptly changed direction without skipping a beat. Charlie looked next to him and saw Sawyer looking longingly after her.

At first Sawyer thought that it was her touch he missed the most. Sometimes it was their unique banter. Sometimes it was her freckles. But most of all, he missed her just being there.

Absence definitely made the heart grow fonder.

* * *

A/N: This is officially my longest ever story now, w00t! 


	12. Chapter 12

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Lost

**Chapter 12**

A/N: Ok guys, this is pretty dark, just to warn you!

* * *

An Interlude: Island of Dreams

The search for Claire had yielded no results. The survivors were exhausted, anxious and increasingly desperate. The threat of the Others hung over them, a heavy burden reflected in the starless sky and the suffocating stillness of the night. People were edgy and skittish, questions running through their heads.

_Why did they take her again?_

_Who are they?_

_Will I be next?_

The two camps were silent. The night was young, but the dreams were only beginning.

* * *

**Sawyer**

_Kate is running, running for her life. A look of terror crosses her face as she holds a baby swathed in a grimy blue blanket. A hidden tree branch trips her up, and her face contorts in fear for the baby as she instinctively twists her body so the child is unharmed. A small cry escapes her lips as the pain pulses through her body, a call for help. But her cry is drowned by the baby's wail._

"_No, no," Kate whispers, but it is futile._

_She glances fearfully behind her and her face drops as They hear the cries; follow the trail she had no time to conceal._

"_Give us the baby, Kate."_

"_NO." She jerks the baby closer to her, standing up, moving backwards, away from the bearded man in the dirty red raincoat._

"_Yes." He hisses the word, and Kate swallows. There is something wrong about this man, something unnatural. She makes a decision, and turns, and runs._

_And slams into another of Them._

_She can't scream, her terror renders her speechless. He wrenches the baby out of her arms, and whilst she strains to overcome his force, Sawyer knows she doesn't have a chance when the other comes behind her, reaching into his pocket for something. _

_His vision becomes blurry, and he shouts out, trying to hold on to this image, to help them. But he can't hold onto anything tangible, much the same as no one hears his cry when everything goes black, and all is silent until he hears the terrible resonance of a gunshot ring through the air._

_He hears nothing else.

* * *

_

**Claire**

_Claire opens her eyes. She knows instinctively something is wrong. But what?_

_Her eyes drift down to her swollen stomach and she gently rubs her hand over it. But it is not soothing like it usually is. She feels hollow._

_She looks further and sees slimy pink guts protruding from underneath her black dress. She screams in panic, but her eyes cannot resist following the trail they make._

_She is in a small room, but the floor is dirt and dust and what looks to Claire like it could be an umbilical cord extends further than the others, snaking along to a metal door that jars with its surroundings. It sneaks under it, taunting Claire._

_She feels that she would welcome passing out, to leave this horrific situation. But she pinches herself, and it hurts, so it must be real, and Claire must carry on._

_Her body feels heavy, so heavy. She can't look under her dress to see where one end of these entrails finishes, or begins, so she follows the cord. She crawls across the floor, not trusting her tiny, shaking legs to hold up a body so insistent on succumbing to gravity. _

_She gets to the door, white and metallic. There are numbers engraved on them, and Claire traces them with her finger. 4, 8…_

_She hears heavy footsteps, and instinctively shuffles back a foot or so. They get louder and louder, and Claire wants to hide but there are no shadows, no crevices. She stays on her knees, frozen with terror, as the door swings open slowly, eerily. It makes no sound as it moves, but Claire is unaware as her gaze is transfixed on the figure on the other side of the door._

_He holds a bundle, holds it tight as he looks deep into her eyes; too deep. He smiles, a twisted, sardonic smile. The cord that Claire had been following travels up the man's body, and disappears inside the bundle._

_The man adjusts himself so that the cord is in both his hands, and he pulls it, twists it. Claire cries out in pain, she vaguely wonders why his actions are hurting her, but then the cord snaps, and she screams, and it snakes its way back to her._

_The man tilts his head, gazing at Claire as her eyes water with intensity of the pain. Her vision is blurry, and she can't clear it. It gets worse – she cries out to the man – she can just about see him pull the door shut and the pink entrails turn to sticky red blood and it's all she can see, it swirls around in front of her, mixing with an inky blackness._

_She hears a baby cry.

* * *

_

**Michael**

_It's night, and the dark green trees merge with one another, blocking out any natural light. Michael is running, not running away from something, but towards something. But what?_

_He catches a glimpse of a small boy._

"_Vincent!" cries the boy._

_Michael realises it is his son._

"_Walt."_

_The name tastes strange to his lips, a memory that has recently intruded on reality. He knows that a father must look after his son, so he follows the boy._

_Bushes and rocks and tall, tall grass get in his way more than once, and he fears he has failed already._

_A golden blur wraps itself around his legs. Michael wants to yell at it, it is preventing him from finding the boy. Then he realises it belongs to the boy. It is his dog._

_This will lead him to me, he thinks. He moves to a clearing, and waits. He's waited this long, he can wait some more._

_He gets impatient, but doesn't leave._

_Locke walks past him, and briefly talks._

"_You cannot expect to be followed always. This time, he will come."_

_And just like that, he glides off._

_Michael waits, tapping his foot as the dog barks._

_Walt emerges._

"_What are you doing here?"_

_His voice is sullen, already perfected for his teenage years._

"_I'm here because I am your father." _

_The words are strange to him; his son is strange to him._

"_I saw a polar bear and I yelled at it and it ran away."_

_Michael has no response to this because he sees two strangers converge on the clearing. He wraps his arms tightly around Walt's shoulders as they speak._

"_Give us the boy."_

_He won't, he's waited too long already.

* * *

_

**Kate**

_She is kissing Sawyer; his arms are tangled in her curls whilst hers are gripping onto his muscular arms. They are grinding against each other, the heat generating more passion. Lips crash against each other, and Kate feels like she is falling, falling into ecstasy and something more._

_Sawyer is abruptly pulled away from her, and she hears, rather than sees, the punch which sends him sprawled on the ground. _

_Her mind blanks out for a moment, and when she refocuses, her hands are held tightly behind her back, something poking sharply into the small of her back._

_Sawyer and Jack are both tied to tree trunks, one next to the other. Sawyer looks the same as he did the day he was tortured. Jack's eyes are rimmed so deeply with red it looks like he's already tried to gouge his eyes out. They look like they would welcome death._

"_You already made your choice."_

_Jack's voice is scratchy, and closes his eyes in what looks like relief. It quickly turns to unspeakable agony as tendrils of fire journey over his body, flames dancing on a man condemned to death. _

_His body burns and burns, yet Kate says nothing. She looks on in horror, but her body is still._

_She's hoping that Sawyer can be spared._

"_So you made your choice," the man holding her hands behind her back whispers in her ear. She feels something warm on her back; at first it is comforting, like water, but then it burns and she realizes it's the opposite. As the heat becomes too intense the world fades in and out._

_Someone's looking at her, mouthing something._

_Her mind cannot conjure the words to reply, but the message sends one last smile to her face._

_As the darkness overcomes her, she whispers; one last time._

"_Sawyer."

* * *

_

A/N: Comments welcomed, I'm hoping my attempt at writing in the present worked and that this isn't too different. It's obviously meant to jar with the other chapters, but I hope that you find that it fits in (if that makes sense!)

**Sawyer,** I have seen the whole of season 1 now, because I bought the Region 1 DVDs. So feel free to rant in your reviews, just don't mention season 2 at all!


	13. Chapter 13

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost.

**Chapter 13**

The oppressive night led to a breezy, calm morning. The sun was rising and the reds, the oranges, and the yellows all merged together with the blue and created a glorious sky. The waves gently lapped the sandy shore, and it looked like the epitome of paradise.

Sawyer knew looks could be deceiving.

After having two consecutive nights of thrashing around in the heat in the throes of nightmares, he had given up on sleep and sat out on the beach front, gazing at the makeshift community that had sprung up. His gaze, inevitably, wandered over to Kate's tent and he looked wistfully, wondering if she was awake too.

_Probably not_, Sawyer thought bitterly. _Probably don't affect her none. Sure, she was a little upset at first, but now, apart from avoidin' me, she seems just dandy._

Ok, so he was more than a little miffed that she didn't seem to be very broken up about it.

He doesn't know why she gets under his skin so much, doesn't know why he allows it to happen.

Kate is his drug, his addiction. He always wants that little bit more.

He can drown just by looking at her. He wants her to notice, to drag herself under with him. And she did, for awhile, before Sawyer realised the dangers of the deep and flung her onto the safety of land.

But he's still drowning.

Maybe he hasn't got her at the moment, but he has his imagination.

Sawyer clings onto the one glorious day they had together, his lifeline. But though he knows that he should be grateful that Kate isn't clinging onto it, dragging her way back out into the deep, he's crushed that she isn't.

Sawyer's addicted. He's doing well going cold turkey, but if Kate came close to him he knows he doesn't have the self control to push her away again.

He thought he was addicted to smoking.

But that's nothing compared to his craving for her.

Sawyer doesn't know why he has this _need_ for her. It's dangerous, and he knows it, but he's like a moth drawn to the flame. Sawyer's never needed anyone like this before and it scares him.

When he looks at her he sees beauty, danger, sex, freckles, mystery; but it is the underlying darkness he sees within her which moves his infatuation to almost obsession. It's the exact same darkness he sees in himself, and he wants to pull it out, pick it apart, piece by piece. He wants to know the whys, the hows. He wants to find out what makes her tick. He sees a part of himself in her, and it is exactly that which make her so fatally attractive.

He can't pick apart his own scars but just to know that he's not the only one, that is enough. Sometimes.

Sometimes the little snippets she's allowed him to know, to see, sometimes they are enough. Sometimes.

But mostly, mostly they spur him on. He wants to go deeper, reach into the most painful and private scars and feel them, to know that there is something tangible to it, to know that he is not the only one. To allow him to ease a fraction of the heavy guilt and hate he bestows upon himself.

Sawyer knows he has masochistic tendencies. He knows regular Joes don't pretend to have something they don't to get tortured. He knows regular people don't relish the pain, just to feel alive.

He knows she does, sometimes.

Maybe not quite the same way. He's watched her. She prefers the form of emotional pain.

_Just like a girl._

Sawyer knows she's killed a man.

Kate knows he's killed a man.

The symmetry would be quite striking, Sawyer thinks, if it wasn't so morbid.

* * *

Kate woke up with a start. Her heart was hammering.

She bolted upright, was half way out of her tent before she realised it was just a dream.

She sat back down, sighing. She noticed that her splayed hands were still shaking. She rubbed her fingers absent-mindedly over the coarse fabric of an aeroplane seat as she analysed her dream in her head.

Kate chanced a look outside. Early, but definitely morning. She knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep so she decided to see if Sayid was awake, to go over Rousseau's map for clues about Claire's whereabouts.

As she walked across the sand barefoot, enjoying the sensation of sand slipping between her toes, she saw Sawyer in the corner of her eye, skulking away in the shadows. A sigh of relief escaped from her lips.

_Dreams can be so vivid._

She hates how she can't get away from Sawyer, not even in her dreams. She hates how on some level she doesn't want to get away from him. And although he's had the decency to stay away from her, the fact that he won't talk to her stings more than she can rationally explain. Because maybe, just maybe, she could understand just _why_ he is being so cold towards her.

She knows he told her that he got bored of her. But she can't believe that. She knows Sawyer loves the chase but something just doesn't add up.

She just doesn't know what.

But the search for Claire is the more immediate concern.

It's ironic, Kate thinks, because the only person she feels she could talk to about Sawyer is Claire. And she's gone.

Kate feels a weird kind of protection towards Claire. She doesn't altogether understand why. Maybe because she can claim that she is her friend.

Kate's terrified of what the Others might do to her, to the baby. She would swap places with the gentle Aussie in a second. Kate can handle the pain. She would gladly spare Claire if she could.

Kate believes that Claire's life is more important than her own.

Kate has nobody to care about her back home. Kate doesn't have a baby on the way. And although Kate wishes it to be true, she doesn't believe that Sawyer would be as distraught as Charlie is at the moment if she was taken.

The thought pains Kate, but she can't see it any other way.

Her reverie was broken as a distraught Shannon rushed up to her. Her hair was a mess, she had no make up on, and Kate knew that something was seriously wrong.

"Boone. Have you seen him?" Shannon's voice shook, and she sounded on the verge of tears.

"No, I haven't seen him since he and Locke went searching for Claire last night."

"Well, he's gone! He came back with Locke last night, but no one has seen him since then. I thought maybe he might have come down here, to fight with Sayid or something, but I can't see him!" Shannon brought a delicate hand against her mouth, seemingly realising she was bordering on hysterics. She looked at Kate desperately. "He didn't sleep in his tent last night. Not even Locke can tell us where he's gone."

"Maybe he just got up early and went for a walk, or to do his business."

"No," Shannon whispered. "No, Boone always has to announce to someone where he's going. He'd leave me a note if he went off on his own somewhere, I know he would! He couldn't just…go. He _couldn't_."

Kate was at a loss as to the explanation of Boone's whereabouts. She hesitantly put an arm around Shannon, relaxing somewhat when Shannon didn't shrug her away, and she led the girl towards Sayid's tent.

Locke startled them when he appeared out of nowhere about an hour later.

"I've looked in the near vicinity and Boone is nowhere to be found. I think he may have ventured further along a track we found yesterday. We must continue along it, and fast, if we want any chance at all of finding Claire and now, unfortunately, Boone. I would have gone on myself but I thought it would do no good to worry people further with my own disappearance. But we must go soon."

Sayid nodded. "Yes. We shall go at once. Kate-"

He nodded towards Shannon, who was huddled up in a blanket, but she noticed his attempts at subtlety and quickly shot him down.

"No. I'm coming with you."

When Sayid started to protest she interrupted.

"He's my _brother_."

Kate stood, uncomfortable, whilst Sayid and Shannon stared at each other, each fighting a battle in the other's eyes. Finally Sayid relented.

"Fine. But stick close. Don't wander off."

Shannon scoffed. "Like I would. That's what got them into this mess in the first place."

"Should we ask anyone else?" Sayid questioned.

"We must go now if we are to have any chance of finding them," Locke stated, heading off towards the jungle.

Sayid looked towards Kate, who just shrugged and followed. At least this way she could totally focus, without Sawyer or Jack there to distract her.

* * *

As the group set off Sawyer looked on from a distance.

_She better be safe with them._

It was a threat definitely, but to whom he didn't know.


	14. Chapter 14

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Lost.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

Kate crossed her arms, then held them around herself, before dropping them to her sides. She repeated this several times before she noticed she was doing it, and immediately tried to stop when she saw Shannon glaring at her. She didn't know why she was so fidgety. The knowledge that now two of their number was missing didn't help.

Kate was never one to hang around, and the hour they had spent trying to calm Shannon and waiting for Locke had got on her last nerve. And probably Shannon's, considering the amount of knee tapping she had been doing. Waiting had never been a big part of her life; it was her survival instinct to be pro-active. So when one of their group went missing, then two, Kate didn't want to wait around. She wanted to find them, before more were taken.

And now they were waiting around in the caves whilst Locke and Sayid gathered supplies, and Kate was once again left with Shannon. She didn't mind the girl, really if you looked past her superficiality Kate was sure there was a human in there, especially when it came to her brother. Deep down. But it was just that Kate was never meant to hang around with girls like her. If Shannon was the too cool cheerleader of the group, Kate would be the outsider who skipped lessons and smoked in the girls' bathroom. She just didn't know how to relate to her. Her fugitive status meant that she wasn't up with what was currently "in" and anything she said about that would surely initiate a condescending look and a "that is _so_ last year." She didn't want to talk about Boone either, because reminiscing about someone who is missing wasn't very tactful and she couldn't truthfully say that she knew him all that well apart from that he was pissed at her "treatment of Jack".

So Kate stood in an awkward silence, not knowing what to say. She found herself wishing that they would hurry up.

When they finally came over, Kate gratefully accepted her backpack which was filled with water and fruit, but the smile Sayid gave her in thanks for keeping an eye on Shannon made her feel oddly guilty.

_Don't thank me. Walt would have done a better job._

Maybe she shouldn't have thought of Walt for at that precise moment he came bounding up along with Vincent. Kate knelt down and ruffled Vincent, grinning when he tried to lick her. Shannon's face was a mixture of impatience and repulse.

"Where are you guys going? Can I come?"

"No, you _cannot_ come. This is for grown ups. God, Kate, can you get a move on already? Boone could be dying for all we know whilst your fucking around with some stupid dog!"

Locke ignored Shannon's outburst and his look suggested to Walt that he should too.

"Boone is missing, Walt. We're going on a search party. Hopefully we'll find Claire too. But you must keep a look out here around the camp for signs of them. If you see anyone you don't recognise, tell Jack or your dad immediately, Ok? This is a very important job, Walt. Can you do it for us?"

"Ok," Walt said slowly. He got the feeling like he was being treated like a kid, but he knew these people weren't something he should get messed up in.

The four started off into the forest, but Walt suddenly grabbed Kate, turning her around.

"Don't go. He won't be able to save you."

Kate frowned and her mouth was curved into a question. But Walt had already gone, running after Vincent, who had wrenched himself free from Walt's grasp after spotting Hurley with a tasty-looking fish.

* * *

Walt's words unnerved her. Questions milled about in her head, but she could make no sense of it. Soon the rain came pouring down and she needed to concentrate all her energy on not slipping on the wet mud, where hidden roots and fallen leaves could prove hazardous. The thunderous roar as water pelted down didn't help matters; shouting barely made an impact so they had to blindly trust Locke, who was leading, and hope his tracking would not fail them.

She ploughed on, the second in the chain, right behind Locke. In the heavy downpour she didn't see Sayid slip behind her, didn't see Shannon wander off. The remaining two carried on for twenty minutes before the rain abruptly stopped, when they realised, with a sickening awareness, that they were now down to two.

* * *

As Sayid slipped in the heavy mud in front of Shannon, she carefully picked her way around the damp bushes to help him up. As she avoided a particularly slippery patch of mud, she paused. In the corner of her eye, she saw a figure, shrouded by the thick trees. But she couldn't miss those bright blue eyes anywhere.

"Boone!"

Shannon ran towards him, forgetting Sayid, forgetting to be careful not to slip.

"Boone, where have you been?" The joy in her voice was unmistakable, but there was an underlying scold that sharpened it.

"Shannon?" Boone's smile was ghostly, and it scared Shannon.

"Boone, God, what happened? Where did you go?" She stepped forward to embrace him but he stepped back.

"I don't know…I really don't know." Boone scratched his head. He looked at the ground, then stared sadly at her.

It was then Shannon noticed. Boone was bone dry.

"Why aren't you getting wet?" Her voice shook, and she unconsciously took a step back.

"I'm beyond that. I needed to find you. To let you know. I'm sorry I yelled at you. Sayid can look after you. Love you. Don't forget that."

"Boone? Are you saying goodbye?" Shannon asked in disbelief. When he didn't answer her, she spoke again. "What happened too you? Boone!" she shrieked over the pounding of the rain, as she tried to reach out for him. Her hand went right through him and even Boone looked slightly perplexed.

"I'm sorry."

"No. No. Don't go. Don't," Shannon pleaded, her voice cracking. Tears filled her view and she angrily brushed them away, hungrily drinking in the sight of Boone as if she knew it would be the last time she ever saw him.

Shannon could see him fading away before her eyes, and she sank to her knees, reaching out vainly. Boone extended a fading hand towards her, and just when they were close enough to touch, he vanished completely.

Shannon wept, loud and unrestrained. She stayed that way for what seemed like hours, when Sayid stumbled upon her and gathered her into his arms, muttering soothing words and stroking her hair. Shannon could feel nothing. He was gone.

* * *

"Locke?" Kate scanned the landscape as she spoke. It was eerily quiet and there was no sign of any life apart form them. "Where are the others?"

"I take it you mean Shannon and Sayid. They appear to have wandered off."

Locke's otherworldly tone and general state of calm infuriated Kate.

_Why can't he show some emotion? Does he not care where the other two are?_

"Well, what do you think? Should we carry on, or go back and find them?" Kate didn't want to waste time going back when they were so far out, with only a few hours until nightfall, but she felt a kind of "leave no man behind" loyalty to them that her father had drilled into her from his army pursuits.

Her question was answered by an ominous rustle and the thump of trees bending. A terrifying roar rang out and Kate's eyes widened as she looked at Locke before they both started running for their lives.

Kate never noticed when Locke took a different turn at a fork to her.

She ran flat out for ten minutes before she realised that nothing was following her. She stopped, spinning around; unable to quite grasp that she was safe. Her breath rang out in ragged puffs as she looked around her. She didn't recognise anything. The foliage was a darker green, the rocks more jagged. The fruit was plentiful here and Kate's heart surged painfully as she realised the distressing truth.

She was lost in the Dark Territory.


	15. Chapter 15

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Lost.

A/N: Sorry for the long time between updates, been v. busy sending off my Oxford written work submissions. I have written some stuff, but it'll come later in the story.

Did anyone realise that on Friends where Rachel and Ross are deciding on their baby's name Rachel suggests Sawyer? And Ross vetoes it? I KNEW there was a reason I hated Ross! Anyway…

**Chapter 15**

Sawyer sat in his tent, tapping his foot impatiently. A discarded book laid splayed open on the sand before him.

Sawyer had seen the group go off a few hours ago, and the temptation to follow was overwhelming. It was impractical however; he wasn't that good a tracker and he couldn't follow closely without being seen. So he had to wait.

Sawyer had never been good at waiting.

The day dragged by, the sun hauling itself up slowly and then down again. Sawyer stayed in his tent, alternating between brooding and fretting over the fate of the search party, or, more precisely, Kate. He didn't get up when Jack stormed down the beach, demanding to know why he hadn't been informed about the search party, never looked up when Jack heard that Boone was missing too.

When the rain came down Sawyer shut himself inside, glad for an excuse to hide. The rain splattered down on the tent, roaring heavily, creating his own personal haven from everyone else. He didn't go out of his tent when the rain stopped, didn't get out when Sayid half-carried, half dragged a sobbing Shannon back; not once Sayid managed to relay the information that Kate and Locke had gone on ahead.

Sawyer's incessant foot tapping started again.

Until Locke returned.

Alone.

Then he leapt out of his tent and had the older man pinned against a tree before he could even speak.

"Where is she?" Sawyer demanded, pushing Locke harder against the tree.

"I-don't-know," Locke gritted out.

"Where is she?" Sawyer shouted, keeping his firm grip on Locke until Locke wrenched himself out of his hold.

"I told you, I don't know! I thought she'd be here with you."

Sawyer let completely go of him, panting from the sudden exertion.

"Then where is she?"

His voice sounded weary, dejected. He _knew_ something like this was going to happen but he let it anyway. How stupid _was_ he?

"We got separated when the beast stirred." Locke's calm, spiritual tone, did nothing to pacify Sawyer, in fact, it ignited his anger further.

"What?"

He growled the word, transferring his guilt induced anger to the nearest person, the one standing before him.

"Don't worry, Sawyer, it happened the way the jungle intended."

Sawyer ignored Locke, and marched over to his tent, throwing in a bag some necessities like water, fruit, and another shirt. He slung it over his shoulders and strode purposefully off into the jungle.

As Sawyer passed the cave camp Charlie, who was staring morosely into the smouldering remains of a fire, sprang up at the sight of him.

"Any luck?" He asked eagerly, but his face fell as he said this, noticing Sawyer's angry gait.

"Kate's gone," he said flatly.

"What?" Charlie couldn't believe his ears. If they took Kate…well none of them were safe.

"I'm going to find her."

"Let me come with you." Charlie meant it as a statement, but it came out as more of a plea, and he winced at his weakness.

"Sorry, amigo, you'll just slow me down."

"You're going alone?"

"I'm not waiting hours for those jackasses. They never found Claire; they never found Boone, what makes you think they'll find Kate? They'll take hours making their _plans,_ but in the end? They won't help shit."

Sawyer laughed derisively, a bitter laugh. He turned, and strode purposefully off.

Charlie looked after him, a bewildered look on his face.

"Boone's gone as well?"

* * *

Kate leaned against a tree, her whole posture screaming defeat.

_How the hell did I manage to get lost? This is just great. Not only am I lost, but I'm lost in a place which a crazy French woman called the "Dark Territory". Doesn't sound promising. Worse, I've turned myself around so I have absolutely no sense of direction, no one knows where I am, and I'm probably delivering myself on a silver platter to the Others. Great._

A bird squawking and fluttering its wings desperately as it fell unexpectedly out of its nest startled Kate; and she spun around, eyes scanning her surroundings for the site of the threat. When she noticed the bird, she narrowed her eyes at it, silently blaming it.

_Well, while I'm here, I might as well try to find Claire._

Kate picked a random direction and started to walk off. She stopped, and picked up some twigs lying loosely on the dusty floor of the jungle. She laid them down on a flat-ish boulder, arranging them in the shape of an arrow.

_If I'm leading myself to the Others, it won't hurt to leave a trail in case Sawy – anyone happens upon it. _

She wasn't worried about the Others using it as a clue to her whereabouts- after all, when heading into the lion's den, you're bound to meet one sooner or later.

* * *

Sawyer trudged along, blaming every root, every tree, for losing Kate. The torrential downpour had wiped clear any tracks; and Sawyer swore vociferously several times at this fact. He wasn't a great tracker, true, but he had thought he could follow the general trail up to where Sticks and Captain Falafel stopped.

But there was nothing. No sign to suggest that Kate had even passed within a mile of him.

Sawyer was heading for the heart of the beast. The Dark Territory. That was the only logical place the Others could be. He knew Kate's stubbornness, knew her determination and guts and headstrong attitude would lead her to continue alone, if she hadn't been caught, that is. If there was any chance she could find Claire, she would. She was like a dog with a bone when it came to any dangerous, potentially life threatening quest, he thought ruefully.

_Don't get me wrong, I want mamacita back as much as the next guy, but I'm not stupid enough to carry on alone._

_Maybe she didn't have a choice,_ he thought with a pang. _Maybe she's already been taken._

Sawyer continued on, speeding up slightly at that thought, until it was pitch black and he bumped into one too many trees. He found a safe looking cave to camp in for the night, but he was irritated and angered at the time he would have to waste waiting for light.

_What if that's too late?_

Kate carried on, until she came to an imposing rock wall which seemed to climb to the sky and reach above it. The rock face was sheer, dwarfing the tall trees around it. She inspected it carefully, looking for signs of human existence.

A flash of silver caught her eye. Looking around furtively, she bent down and picked it up. It was a silver locket. She pried it open, wiping carefully the dirt off it.

_To Boone, Love Shannon_

The inscription on it chilled Kate. If Boone had left this here as a sign, he must have been desperate. She had never seen him without it, had noticed him playing with it when he was worried about something, his safety blanket.

A crack of a branch startled her, and she spun around, a gasp escaping her lips as another human being stood in front of her, having stealthily crept behind her.

"Well, what do we have here? We were right; we led you right to us."

Kate's eyes widened as she recognised the voice.

* * *

_A/N: Quite a short one, hope it wasn't too choppy!_


	16. Chapter 16

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost.**  
**

A/N: mwahaha you all guessed wrong! This fic is quite confusing in terms of following the linear of the show, but I thought I mentioned how Ethan was dead? Maybe I didn't, I can't be bothered to go back and re-read. I'm not planning on bringing anyone back from the dead :D!

Chapter 16

_A crack of a branch startled her, and she spun around, a gasp escaping her lips as another human being stood in front of her, having stealthily crept behind her._

"_Well, what do we have here? We were right; we led you right to us."_

_Kate's eyes widened as she recognised the voice._

Kate took a step back, stumbling over something, what, she didn't know. She couldn't tear her eyes away from his face.

"Boone."

"Hi Kate. Miss me?"

"Boone, what-"

She cut herself off as Boone lunged at her. At this point instinct took over and as Boone grappled her to the ground, all rationality went out the proverbial window and Kate kicked, head butted and wrestled in an attempt to gain dominance over her attacker. She managed to flip him over, but Boone used her momentum and flipped her over again, so she was underneath once more. He pinned her down by her wrists, his knee digging into her stomach.

"Don't think about escaping, Kate, it's too late for that."

His feral expression gave Kate the impression of him snarling, animalistic and totally un-Boone-like. Her heart thudded as she realised that whatever had happened to Boone, it was too late now. The best she could do would be to get away from him – and fast. But yet -

"Boone- what – what happened to you? Why are you doing this?"

Boone responded to this by punching her square on the jaw. Kate used his adjusted weight to her advantage and pushed him off her, delivering a well-placed kick to Boone's groin. As he doubled over, groaning, she ran like hell the other way.

Her heart pounded as the adrenaline kicked in, and Kate rounded a patch of rocks quickly. She leapt over them using one hand to propel herself over…

…And ran smack into Boone.

He grinned, a twisted, perverse expression on his face.

"Can't get rid of me that easily, Kate."

"What _happened _to you, Boone?" she asked, as she rocked on the balls of her feet, dodging left and right, as Boone counteracted her feints, a sly glint in his eye. Kate had the feeling that to him, this was some kind of absurd game, before moving in for the kill.

"They made me better."

"Better? Better how?"

"I think you're asking too many questions," Boone growled, jumping over the boulder that divided them. Kate's instinct was to run, so she did; not noticing the direction she was going in. The jungle in this area was rife with hidden traps and it was only thanks to Kate's dexterity and speed that she managed to avoid most of them. A particularly nasty one left Kate with a stinging gash on her shoulder, tearing her top. She could feel the blood trickling down but kept moving. Her heart kept pace with the thud her feet made as her legs ran on auto-pilot. She chanced a look behind her.

A fatal mistake.

As she looked behind her, her foot pressed a hidden lever, obscured by fallen leaves. She realised a second too late; the momentum pushing her forward was too strong and her attempts to stop were futile. A huge net descended from the boughs of a tree, enveloping Kate with such a force that she was knocked to the ground, her chin scraping itself on the roughness of the jungle floor.

She leapt up immediately, or rather tried to. The sheer weight of the netting strained her shoulders, and try as she might, she could not stand up, let alone escape from it. Her frantic scrambling under the net amused Boone as his sprint turned into an amble. Kate could see in her peripheral vision another figure making its way before her, but the confined space she had suddenly been thrust into panicked her and she suddenly had difficulty breathing properly. Her breath caught in her throat and the lack of oxygen panicked her even more and the world turned at a dizzyingly fast pace.

_Just breathe._

But it was a losing battle, and coupled with her exhaustion and her mind-numbing fear, she finally gave way to the rising darkness as she felt two pairs of rough hands grabbing her body, lifting it up and away.

* * *

Kate needs space.

That's why she can never go to jail. Even thinking about the small, white cell that is marked for her eventual capture makes Kate shiver. Being enclosed, trapped, confined in such a small space would send her crazy.

She's been there before.

When she was little, she always used to get in trouble. If her mother was out her daddy used to lock her in the broom cupboard as a punishment – if he could catch her that is. Kate learned to run fast very early on. You ran long enough, people stopped looking.

Kate remembers that broom cupboard, still has nightmares that she is stuck inside it. The details are so vivid, even now, years after she last saw it. The darkness that fell on her, smothering her like a blanket. She remembers drawing her knees to her chin, resting her head on her knees. Her breath would grow ragged, and sometimes she would hyperventilate. She would grab a fistful of an old coat that hung in there, to grab onto something real; sometimes it would fall down, cloaking her oppressively.

She only ever cried out once. The first time. Her father had dragged her in there, his one strong hand holding her arm and yanking her. She remembers dragging her feet along the ground, trying to get a foothold to run away, but her feet would always end up scrambling helplessly as her father moved at a rapid pace. She remembers him pushing her into the cupboard. She remembers being disorientated, wondering why she was in the cupboard. She remembers turning around to be greeted with the slamming of the doors, the blacker than black darkness. To this day the metallic sound of a key turning in a lock sends chills down her spine.

Kate needs space.

That's why the never ending ocean, the far away horizon all calm Kate. She can stare at it for hours; allow her thoughts to ebb and flow with the tide. Here, nothing is confined; her freedom, her space, her ability to be perceived as a real person instead of a dangerous criminal.

* * *

When Kate woke up, and woke up in one of the smallest rooms she had ever seen in her life, she was far from happy.

She wished she had a different fear. Kate realised that everyone had to have a fear of something, but why couldn't she have a fear of heights, or spiders? The worst thing she could do right now was to freak out and that was exactly what was threatening to happen.

The walls seemed to close in on her, a grey infinity smothering the life out of her. She didn't realise how fast her breath was coming until she heard the loudness of her wheezes. The room seemed to get smaller and smaller.

Kate swallowed, and closed her eyes. She curled up in the foetal position, willing herself not to black out again.

_One…T-two…Three…F-four…_

Her breathing was starting to even out, the room no longer spun.

_Five…S-six…Seven…Eight…_

Kate looked around the room, relishing the stability everything now had. She was still shaking, a result of adrenaline and fear.

_Nine…Ten._

Her panic attacked seemed to be over, and Kate breathed a silent thank you. She wondered why she had been kidnapped, as it were. Why not just kill her while they had the chance. And "_we led you right to us"_? Who? Why?

At this moment, Kate noticed the small, shiny white metallic door. There looked like there were inscriptions on it but they were too small. Yet her attention was not drawn to the door itself, but to the person who had just opened it. Kate straightened up, posed to fight, even from her submissive stance curled up the floor. Her face hardened, ready to take on her adversary. This person held no surprises; this man bore no recognition to her.

He shut the door behind him, signalling to another person that Kate couldn't see, signalling a message which must have been some kind of secret code, because she didn't understand it.

It was then Kate noticed that the door did not open from the inside.


	17. Chapter 17

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost.

A/N: Here's the next chapter. Sorry, no Sawyer! I can't wait for him to come just as much as you, but there's only so many "Sawyer searching through the jungle" scenes, I think I have one chapter of him doing that left in me! Although, there may be a dream with some Skate action, cos it's just been so long, y'know! Anyway, I'm thinking maybe 3 chapters until they are in the same place. I have loads written for that so it's just joining them up, so probably faster updates when I get there, yay! Anyway…enough of me blabbering on…

**Chapter 17**

Kate stared blankly ahead. It had been several hours after her visitor had left, yet she could not summon the energy to move. It was futile anyway. There was nowhere to run.

Everything ached. Just moving her arm produced shooting pains that brought tears unbidden to her eyes. She drew in a sharp breath and jerked it back to the previous position, where the pain was less. Bruises covered her body, tactile memories of her capture. Kate was nursing a split lip, courtesy of one too many answers back to the Other, and she was pretty sure she had either bruised or broken some ribs.

Despite the dull, steady pain Kate still had a sharp mind, and she pondered on the meaning of the torture session she had been subjected to.

The Others were still an enigma to her, but she understood their motives a little better now, or she thought she did.

_They always have to talk. They can never just get on with it. They have to gloat, to reveal their plans because they _never_ think their victim will escape. But I'll prove them wrong._

_Hopefully._

The Others had to have caught something. They were all super-humanly strong. Kate had no chance against any of them and whilst she knew her limitations, taking down one middle-aged man with no obvious physical attributes should have been a piece of cake.

Yet he had treated her like a rag doll.

Kate shivered. Their strength scared her, because it was something that she could fight against, but she would never win. Ultimately, she would lose. The price would be her life, but here that meant something different. She wouldn't die. She would become like _Them_.

A fate worse than death.

They had already started. To break her down, piece by piece, until all that was left was mouldable and raw. She knew they would torture her every day until she gave up, or became nothing more than a savage being, concerned only with pain. Then, they would set her upon the other people on the island, like they had done with Boone. But Boone, they had admitted, had gone wrong. They chose members for induction carefully, but Boone had strayed among their path and their numbers were so depleted they weren't going to miss out on an easy catch.

But Boone's mental capacity wasn't enough to cope with the mental and physical torture. In short, he became savage, but he also became crazy. They can control him now. Kate wonders about the day when they cannot.

Kate's strength and her ability to cope with pain made her an easy target for them, and she sees that now. She was already strong, but they could make her stronger. They could mould her into a formidable huntress. And her capacity for pain meant they could bend and not break her sanity, a concept which proved Boone's downfall.

Kate wondered how long it would take for them to change her. She didn't doubt they could, just hoped they wouldn't, hoped she could get the hell out of wherever she was first. From her surroundings – the dirt floor, the natural walls - she guessed that the Others had built some kind of compound somewhere in the huge rock face she had seen yesterday. Although the metallic door contrasted sharply with the natural décor, as it were, and she had no idea what to make of that.

She sat back, shifting slowly to a vaguely comfortable position as she reflected on the day. Her stomach rumbled and she realised that she hadn't eaten in what felt like years. Her mouth was incredibly dry and she realised that part of her fatigue was due to her dehydration. Her mouth watered at the thought of a drink, and if she thought hard enough she could envision it, right there in front of her.

A plastic bottle, its label ripped off, filled with delicious water, although probably warm.

Kate wondered when her vision of water had changed from cold and in a glass to warm in a second hand bottle.

It was so tempting. It felt so real to her, real enough that she wanted to reach out and down it in one gulp. She saw the bottle tip, watching it as it fell, drop by drop. Her eyes followed the drops as they splashed on the floor in front of her. Her gaze wandered upwards to where the bottle was.

"Hello Katie."

_Tom_.

Kate instinctively gasped and pressed herself against the wall, her unquenchable thirst forgotten.

"Tom? What…you…I mean…you're dead. I killed you." Kate winced as she faltered, pushing the words out.

"Don't I look real to you?"

"I've never seen anyone look so real in my life," Kate whispered, a thought passing through her mind that she might be slightly delirious, but she didn't care.

Tom looked around the tiny room.

"Can't say I enjoy the current digs, Katie. Bit small don't'cha think?"

"Tom…"

"I saw you found my plane."

Kate gasped. Her plane! She reached into her pocked and sighed tearfully, realising that she must have dropped it. Her heart sank, her one tangible link to Tom gone. Just like that.

"It's ok, Katie, you'll get it back."

His words were so kind, so soft, it broke her heart. He turned around and Kate was grasped with the paralysing fear that he wouldn't come back. Ever.

"Don't go Tom. Please." Kate's voice cracked and ended on a whisper, and tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Katie. I have to. You took me from my family, my wife, my son. I can't follow you anymore. I followed you willingly back then, because I was still in love with this girl called Katie. You weren't Katie anymore though. You were Kate." He smiled, tasting her name on his lips. "You're a different person, and I should have known that. But it's too late for that now. You have to live with the facts. And I know that's enough to haunt you forever. Your brain can punish you better than any prison can. Do you really think it's that bad here? As in the island, not _here_ here, I know how you never liked small spaces. You're free to punish yourself accordingly."

Kate smiled weakly, he was so…_Tom_. He made her heart hurt and swell with happiness at the same time. She knew it was false, but…it was Tom. Every little detail was correct, every little mannerism, every little quirk. He raised one eyebrow at her, and Kate wanted to cry. She had never been able to that properly and he used to tease her for it. She would have done anything for him to tease her now, like he used to.

She would go to prison if she could bring Tom back.

She'd go to Hell if it brought him back.

Maybe she was already in Hell. And maybe she could live with that, after all she'd done.

"So, you got some sexy Southerner chasing after you." Tom smirked conversationally. "Should I be worried?"

A harsh sob escaped from her lips. She couldn't handle this. She didn't know exactly what was happening, but to dangle Tom in front of her, only to take him away again was beyond cruel. And what's more, he was talking about _Sawyer_. Talk about two worlds colliding.

Tom.

Sawyer.

_Tom Sawyer_.

Fate definitely had a sense of humour. Knowing her luck one of the Others was probably called Huckleberry.

She forced her attention back to Tom. Cruel trick or not, she knew she wouldn't get a chance to talk to him again, even if it was only in her head.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm so, so sorry, Tom. You should have gotten out of the car."

Tom smiled understandingly.

"It's ok, Katie-"

"No it's not," she stated emphatically.

"You can't change the past, Katie, I'm over it. At least I got to see you before I died, right?"

"If you hadn't seen me you'd still be alive."

"Water under the bridge Katie. You can't change it. I forgive you. It wasn't your fault."

At this the tears that had threatened to erupt finally spilled over. Kate's body wracked with sobs, every sore nerve alerting her to their presence. Every gasp for breath was a chore, every tear a sign of fragile relief. Her vision was blurred with tears, and Tom was fading.

"No…" she whispered.

"Goodbye Katie. Have a great life. You deserve it. Good luck with Sawyer…"

His voice was ghostly, and when Kate cleared her eyes he was gone.

"Tom…" she whispered brokenly.

A/N2: I like Tom as a character, and I'd be interested in seeing him again in Kate's back story. I think he's an integral part of her past and it would be interesting to discover more about him. I'm saddened at the lack of Tom fics, even though I'm a die hard Skater :). Does anyone know of any?


	18. Chapter 18

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost.

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I have been snowed under with homework that I in my infinite wisdom decided to leave till the last minute. I didn't finish my English essay (still haven't, I'm so bad) but hopefully this will be getting out to you either today (Monday) or tomorrow.

**The rating for this chapter will probably go up to R for content**. There's nothing graphic, but it does contain adult scenes of a dark nature that some people may find uncomfortable. I wanted to warn you at the start.

Kate's part is in the present tense rather than the past as I feel it gives it a sense of immediacy and it fits the mood better. So there is a reason, I'm not just going all crazy with my tenses.

Oh, and small voice please don't hate me. It will get better.small voice

**Chapter 18**

Sawyer trekked mile after mile through thick greenery, pausing only when he could no longer stand. He passed through dense forestry, twinkling waterfalls, dark caves – the gorgeous yet foreboding landscape looked like it should belong on the back of a postcard.

But the picturesque nature was lost on him. In his bad temper masking his growing concern he smiled grimly at the thought that one day this would all be commercialised.

_Appearances can be deceiving anyway._

The greenery was becoming gradually darker; instead of the light, leafy green a darker, more ominous green took its place. A growing sense of dread lined Sawyer's stomach like acid, yet he had never been more certain that _this _was the way. He continued more cautiously than before, remembering eavesdropping on Abdul recounting his encounter with the crazy French chick to Doctor Do-nothing and Mr. "I-shave-my-face-using-knives", and the trap that had ensnared the Iraqi. He seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, which should be the last place to find them, but that gave Sawyer all the more incentive to tread carefully.

_Sod's Law_, Charlie called it. _"If anything can go wrong, it will_".

He had a point.

_Annoying son-of-a-_

Sawyer's internal dialogue was interrupted by a small object nestled in the long grass, resting against a tree. Sawyer bent down cautiously and picked it up. It was grimy and there was hardly a spot of the original white visible but he knew what it was instantly.

_Her plane._

He cradled the tiny object gently in his palm, smearing a layer of dirt off, revealing a white plastic surface.

_She must be around here somewhere. I have to be getting close._

Sawyer craned his neck and looked over the tall grass around him, and he spotted a huge sheer rock face in the distance. The presence of such a grand structure suggested a natural defence, a likely place for the Others to hide. Sawyer crinkled his eyebrows as he realised:

_Well, whadda'ya know? Check out the reconnaissance skills. Ain't the best at trackin,. but hoo-boy, what I just thought actually made sense!_

With renewed vigour, Sawyer set off, a fixed target in mind.

* * *

Several hours later…

_Son of a bitch! That damn thing don't look any closer now than it did then!_

Sawyer's water supply had run out long ago, and he had finished his food last night. He wasn't hungry enough to dare picking any fruit from this part of the woods, the sharp spikes on the fruit giving him no encouragement. He would have killed for some water, though, and he fervently wished he had taken more bottles and filled up at the waterfalls he had passed hours ago. But Sawyer wasn't turning back, not now, not when he was so close (_yet so far_). He frowned, and carried on determinedly.

He would reach that rock face tonight if it was the last thing he did.

He hoped it wouldn't come to that.

* * *

Kate is roused from a fitful sleep by a (too) strong hand grabbing her by the upper arm and dragging her out of her tiny cell. Her muscles scream in protest but she is silent, her feet scrambling for a foothold but missing too much to gain a strong footing. She is pulled into another room, but she doesn't notice the details, not when her personal space is being invaded so closely.

His grip is causing bruises to flower on her arms, she can feel it. He yanks her up, pulling her level with him. This is another attempt to break her, she knows. It's not the bruises that worry her; it's what they'll do to her next. The fear of the unknown, where the unknown can only be worse than the day before.

She struggles against him, but he is too strong. He pins her against the wall, his hands an icy grip on her delicate wrists. She twists her body, contorts it into any shape that will allow her to gain some modicum of control, but he is too strong, and she is too weak after yesterday.

Kate grimaces as another pushes her hips against the cold stone of the room. Everything is cold here, the warmth of life is being sucked away at every corner, every crevice. Kate can feel herself getting colder, a shiver snaking its way through her. An icy hand slips a hand under her shirt, unbuttoning her jeans. She makes one huge effort to buck them off her, to place a well aimed kick where the sun doesn't shine, but they are too strong. Unnaturally strong, Kate thinks.

She feels, rather than sees, the rough denim of her jeans slide down her legs, exposing them to the chilly air.

It plays out in slow motion, torturing Kate with every second that seems to drag by.

She won't cry.

She never does.

She closes her eyes tight, as if it will make some kind of difference. She squeezes them, until red flowers blossom and merge with the inky blackness.

When it happens, she is silent. Her eyes flutter open, and the scene oddly dissociates itself. There is no emotion in this room, only a desperate attempt for survival.

She stares blankly ahead, ignoring the hands that force her flush against the wall, the face that blurs in front of her. All that could be heard was heavy breathing, occasional grunts. Kate blocks it out, disconnects herself from it all.

If they weren't resorting to such vile measures, Kate would almost feel sorry for them. Wanting to leave something tangible behind, scared of leaving this world with no visible mark on it.

But _this_, this isn't right. It's barbaric and painful and cruel and –

And it's over. The men make no noise, they just let go of her. Kate looks at them, dares them to look her in the eye, but none of them do. Kate's surprised to think that they still have some traces of humanity left in them. They look at the floor as they quickly leave. The last one, before he closes and locks the door, looks at her, but she can't decipher him. Maybe he's wondering why she hasn't broken yet.

But you can't break something that's already broken. Kate believes that she broke a long time ago, and stuck the pieces back together herself. But once something's been broken it's never the same, and Kate wonders sometimes if she lost some of the pieces.

She slides down inch by inch against the hard stone wall. She slowly pulls her jeans up again, buttons them calmly, as if it was just a normal morning. She pauses, and leans her head back against the wall. Deep, shuddering breaths break out, and the walls seem to close in on her. She suddenly realizes how tiny the room is, and she is just thankful her claustrophobia didn't show up sooner. She had never really noticed the minuteness of the room; she only noticed how close the men were. Her shoulders shake, and her mouth waters. She feels like she should be sick, but she forces the feeling to disappear. She doesn't want those bastards to know how they've affected her. She gazes at a spot as far away as is possible, and tries to imagine the beach, the endless sea and the open air.

It works for a few minutes, until she remembers again. She wishes Sawyer was here. She doesn't care right now about what he did, why he left her; she just wants his company, his comforting drawl, his friendly banter. She wants Sawyer to put his arm around her, to kill those guys for her. The thought scares her, because she knows he would.

He already has, in a way. With the Marshal. Even if he didn't do it quite right.

_Why did it have to be me?_

She can't cry. She thinks maybe she's forgotten how to.


	19. Chapter 19

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost.

A/N: Sorry about the wait, been busy busy busy! My friend was baptised this morning and I was helping her take her mind off it yesterday by going shopping after work, when I was going to write some stuff. Remember I said I had written a lot of stuff that came later? Well parts of it are coming along in the next couple of chapters, which is why I've got this out so early. I got my interview for Oxford in the post yesterday, and I shall be down there from next Sun to Tue, poss. Weds, so you won't hear much from me for a while. Wish me luck!

**Chapter 19**

Day had fallen into night, a thick blanket smothering the island. Sawyer did not stop this time, not when he was so close. The only shelter now was the sheer rock face in the distance, his destination. On and on Sawyer walked, through the dark depths of the jungle, stopping only to gather his breath every now and then. Every step took him closer to Kate, and with every step it seemed she was slipping further and further away from his grasp.

Night was bleeding into day, and the glorious yellows and reds that bathed the forest floor shed light on Sawyer's destination. It could only be about an hour away. _She_ could only be about an hour away.

Sawyer strode on determinedly, hungry and parched but with his eyes only on one thing. He was so close now, he could almost taste it.

A movement in the trees to the left of him startled Sawyer, and he spun around quickly to see a slender brunette with curls tumbling down her back slipping off into the distance. Sawyer rushed after her, but all he heard was a silvery laugh. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, and wondered vaguely if he was seeing things. He spotted her again and once more followed, too exhausted to question himself.

"Freckles?" he murmured bewilderedly.

She had disappeared, but after twenty minutes of walking in the direction she had gone, he found himself on the periphery of an area rife with sprung traps. Sawyer felt a sense of victory and unease. Kate had to be close, yet why had they not re-set the traps? Could it be that he was lucky enough that they had forgotten? Or were they trying to lure him in?

A ghostly voice whispers in the breeze.

"When I look inside you, I see me."

And Sawyer had no time to ponder the meaning of that statement, for at that moment, he saw a metallic door jammed into a carved out space in the rock face, merely feet away from him.

* * *

Kate slept fitfully that night, jumping awake at every sound, every movement she made. Faces swam in front of her in her dreams.

Sawyer's face comes closer than the others, and Kate can trace the dimples, the long, wild hair, and the bright blue eyes. She looks closer into his eyes, and sees a reflection of herself. But that reflection is talking, saying something.

"When I look inside you, I see me" mutters Kate in realisation.

Narcissistic? No. A recognition, perhaps, of another soul who had been into as many overwhelming positions as she had, and would know the depth of redemption when it came, because it would mean so much more. Inherently good, but drawn down a path full of lies and deceit and so much pain that it had changed them. Kindred souls, then, fighting to be good. Maybe they would succeed, Kate thought, and maybe they wouldn't, but at least they would try. Whilst her mind was full of confusion over her feelings for Sawyer and vice versa, her heart knew the truth. She knew he would come.

A shuffling in the hallway awoke Kate instantly from her musings. Her head bolted upright, and she unconsciously held her breath as the door opened without a sound.

The door silently swung behind the figure, and Kate absurdly wondered how they oiled it. Then she remembered how Locke had been known to make his own glue and decided she didn't really want to know.

Boone stood before her. Kate held her breath for a second, wondering if he was going to have his turn. She rose, warily, assuming a fighting stance that was second nature to her at this point. Boone did not look at her; rather he stared at his shoes.

"Sit," he said eventually.

He sat down first, motioning for Kate to join him. She looked guardedly before slowly lowering herself. She winced slightly as several bruises made themselves known, but she didn't hide her pain, as she normally would. She wanted him to notice. He looked pained. His hands were shaking slightly, and he jammed them in his lap in an attempt to stop it.

"What is it Boone?" Kate asked coldly, crossing her arms and leaning back against the cold stone wall.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't have much time, so I need to speak and you to listen, Ok?"

"I don't think you deserve-"

"Please, Kate, I don't have long."

Kate slowly nodded, intrigued on Boone's sudden swing from the aggressive being she had seen yesterday, or whenever it was. Time really had no meaning here.

"I - I…" Boone stopped, then started again. "They got me Kate. The disease…what Rousseau killed all those people…I-I think I have it."

Boone jiggled his legs, as he sat cross-legged, absent-mindedly scratching his hand.

"T-they got inside of me, it's like an itch that I can't scratch. I'm going crazy Kate; soon it's going to take over me completely. What you saw of me before, that's what happens. Sooner or later, I'm not going to be Boone. It's already started."

"What's started?"

"The change. I'm…I'm losing time. It's like one minute I'm fine, but then something triggers me…_it_…and it's like I don't exist anymore. I'm a savage. I've killed things Kate." Boone's eyes were watery and his voice thick. "I tried to kill you. You saw me. I…I don't want to be like that."

"You can fight it."

"No. No I can't. Don't you think I've tried? I don't know how they did it, but what triggers me off are…you guys. They're training me to do…to do horrible things to you all. You've seen what they're capable of. I'm so sorry Kate, I'm so _so_ sorry." Boone's eyes glistened with unshed tears and he swiped a shaky hand over them. "I would have tried to stop them if I knew. But I couldn't chance coming near you again for a while. I knew I would try and kill you again."

Kate didn't know whether she was angry beyond all reason at Boone even _mentioning_ the things she had been through or scared at his emotional plea for help.

"Get out Boone." Kate's voice shook with repressed emotion. "Get out now, while you still can."

"It's too late for that. Even now, sitting with you, I can feel the instinct to kill rise up in me. The worst thing? I don't know how they did it but…every time I think of Shannon…I want to kill her. In the worst ways possible. It shocks me, it disgusts me, but I do. I'm stronger now, physically. I know I could do it. And that scares me more than anything. They're trying to turn me into a killing machine, Kate, and they're _succeeding_. I don't want to do this. That why…"

Boone pulled a gun out which had been tucked away, hooked on the back of his jeans. He held it over to Kate; his grip shaking so much Kate grabbed it off him lest he dropped it and accidentally set it off.

When she realised what he wanted her to do she shook her head.

"No…no, Boone. I won't."

"You have to."

"No."

"If Shannon somehow finds me, I _will_ kill her. I'm weak Kate. Do you know how many times I've pointed that at myself? But I can't do it. You have to."

Kate shook her head.

"Shannon already thinks I'm dead. No one has to know. You have to do this for me Kate."

"No! I'm not killing anyone else!"

The words sprang out of her mouth before she could stop herself, and she looked horrified at her outburst.

"Shhh!" Boone looked round, panicked. After a few seconds of silence he relaxed, seemingly ignoring her statement. The silence stretched out as Boone looked expectantly at her, squirming in anticipation of being found out. Finally Boone spoke.

"Fine. But if I…turn…like that again you must. Promise?"

Kate was silent.

"Promise?"

"Ok," she whispered in defeat. Silence invaded the room, and Kate looked down at her lap. There was a long pause.

She didn't expect the punch in the mouth that followed.

"Bitch," growled Boone. "I know you know where she is."

Kate had no qualms and pistol-whipped him as hard as she could. Boone fell to the floor, unconscious. She ran to the half open door and out into the corridor. Remembering that the door could not be opened from the inside, she pulled it until it was shut tight.

The air in the corridor was fresher, and gave Kate a second wind.

She was out, and she was armed.

Time to find Claire.


	20. Chapter 20

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Lost

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I hope this makes up for it! Thanks for all of your encouragements about Oxford, now all I can do is wait…I'm feeling in the mood for writing a couple of one shots, so look out for those, not that I'll be abandoning this, don't worry. The muse is speaking to me, and I must listen! Anyway, on with the show…

**Chapter 20**

Remnants of flames flickered against the gentle breeze, spitting out sparks lazily. Groups of people stood around it, before splitting away and wandering off. The mood was sombre, desolate. Rose had led a prayer service for the missing and religious and non religious alike had joined together, united in their fears.

Michael broke from the others. They looked after him sadly, he could hear them murmuring in sympathy, but they made no attempt to follow. Jack squinted his eyes against the setting sun, gazing over at Michael's retreating figure resolutely, before following, his heroic instinct telling him not to leave the man alone.

Claire had been the first to disappear, Kate followed a few days after. Boone went on a search party but never returned. Chaos and panic swept throughout the survivors and Jack wondered if this would be the end of days, watching everyone disappear, watching _Kate_ disappear, disappearing himself. It had been days; no one had found the missing, and no missing had returned.

Sawyer had gone, presumably after Kate, and if Jack said it didn't gall him he would be lying. There was nothing Jack wanted more than to abandon all responsibilities and run after Kate. The way he had left things…He was more than ashamed. He was only saying what he felt, true, but maybe it was too harsh. And Jack needed to make things better.

After all, that's what he was supposed to do.

And now Walt was gone too.

Plucked right out of their midst, without anyone knowing. There had been no screams, no signs of struggle, he had just…disappeared.

Michael was beside himself. He had tried to follow, to head deeper into the jungle, but he didn't have the first clue where to look.

Claire. Kate. Sawyer. Boone. Walt.

Their numbers were depleting fast. And Jack didn't have a goddamn clue what to do. He could send out search parties, but none were fruitful. So now, despite his wishes, all his hopes lay on Sawyer.

He hadn't come back. That meant he had to be on the right track, right?

He had to be.

* * *

Kate's breath felt unnaturally loud to her in the absolute silence of the long corridor she found herself in. Her body ached, and to give up right here and now would have felt like utter bliss. But still she pushed herself on.

To give up now would be to truly give up. Forever.

Kate had two missions: Operation Find Claire and Operation Get the Hell out of Here. Neither was proving to be straightforward.

As Kate came to what seemed another dead end she allowed herself a small groan of frustration. From what Kate knew, the compound consisted of a myriad of long corridors with as many dead ends as forks in them. She had methodically been working her way through them, after randomly picking turns as she had done in the first couple of hours had proved less than successful. She was surprised that no one had encountered her yet, and in a way, she wasn't. It wouldn't have shocked her to know that the Others had CCTV and were watching her with amusement. But still, the silence was unnerving.

She leaned against the dry compact dirt wall, slamming a hand into it in anger, leaving a damp thud to echo down the corridor. Closing her eyes briefly, she sighed, then continued on.

She turned right, wishing she had some way of marking what she had been down, for everything looked the same. A door jammed into one of the walls in the distance beckoned to her and she made her way cautiously towards it. Unfortunately none of the doors had windows in so she couldn't look inside. She pressed her ear up against the door, trying desperately to quiet her breathing. She could definitely hear breathing, and she wasn't sure it was her own. She decided to go for it and shoved the door open. A familiar face looked up at her.

Boone.

Dammit. She had ended up right where she had started.

Kate pulled the door as hard as she could. Boone, still in the grips of whatever had happened to him, clawed at the door, grabbing the side. His strength was too much for Kate, she was too tired. This would be the end…she knew she couldn't hold out much longer. Her muscles protested at the strain they were put under, and the lack of water and food was making her dizzy. Black and red spots flowered in front of her eyes and she blinked them away, but they were returning faster and faster each time. It seemed like forever, but a few moments later Boone wrenched the door with a force that pulled it clean from her grasp. Her energy reserves sapped, Kate stumbled back…into the arms of someone, she didn't know who, who held her close, whist managing to trap Boone back inside the room.

Kate welcomed the darkness that washed over her.

* * *

Sawyer considered the door that lay before him from all angles. He tilted his head, wondering the best way of getting in.

He decided for the age old tradition of kicking the door in.

Sawyer moved back a few feet, then ran at full force towards the door, hurling the whole of his body against the door. He bounced off it, landing in a very undignified manner, and a sharp pain running down his side.

"Son of a bitch!" he muttered disbelievingly. He knew Kate would have laughed at him for attempting to open a metal door this way, but hell, it was worth a shot. A painful shot that he would not be repeating.

For the next half an hour Sawyer tried various ways, prizing the door open, hacking away at the hinges, throwing massive boulders at it. Nothing made a dent.

Sawyer moved closer to it, studying it intently. A small handle lay concealed in a ridge adjacent to the door. Sawyer pulled it, not expecting it to open the door.

"Well, I'll be…" Sawyer murmured, trailing off.

He was in.

* * *

Sawyer peered around yet another corner, before continuing on, his sense of direction totally off-kilter after 5 minutes in this rabbit hole. It was deadly silent, not a soul in sight, and it chilled Sawyer to the bone.

She had to be here.

She _had_ to be.

Days, hours, minutes; they all boiled down to one thing: time. Time was a luxury none of them had. Time passed, nothing could be done to change it, and with every second, every minute, every hour, the chance of survival became less and less.

Finally, Sawyer turned down a corridor with movement.

Kate.

He saw her, clear as day. At first he thought he must be hallucinating, but he pinched himself and she was still there. She was grubby, she had lost weight, and there were marks and bruises on her body that he could see which disturbed him, but it was most definitely Kate. He sprinted down the long corridor, the uneasy sensation of not getting any nearer pervading his senses, but all of a sudden, there she was!...and she was struggling, she was weak, but Sawyer was strong, and he grasped her firmly in one arm, grabbing the handle of the door with the other, and slammed the door towards him, imprisoning whatever it was Kate was trying to escape from.

Kate had fainted, and Sawyer knew it must have been from exhaustion and a lack of strength, something that must have been taken from her forcibly. But she was here, he was here, and he held her tightly in his arms, taking a moment to bask in the sight of her.

He had found her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lost. Also, a tribute to Toxic's sig in here :D.

A/N: Sorry about the wait, I've been very busy. But on the plus side, I got an offer from Oxford! Yay :D!

* * *

**Chapter 21**

Sawyer stood still for a moment, drinking in the sight of Kate, like a man deprived of water happening upon a glorious oasis. But then reality pushed its way in, and Kate's dead weight seemed intent on succumbing to gravity. Sawyer stumbled, weak after his arduous journey, and his back connected with the earthen walls with a sickening crack. Sawyer winced and threw a look at the wall that would have turned it to stone, had he been able to. Sensing his grip on Kate was slipping, he inched his fingers around her waist until he firmly held her in his arms, rather than his hands, and allowed himself to sink to the ground.

It was silent, apart from the muffled thuds coming from the door Kate had been trying so desperately to close. Kate's weight pressed firmly onto Sawyer, and he shifted her, allowing himself to breathe more freely. His eyes flickered around him, absorbing every last detail. Finally, when he had exhausted all possibilities, he allowed himself to relax, both physically and mentally. He turned his attention almost solely to the woman in his arms.

"Freckles. Freckles. Kate!" Sawyer hissed, shaking her in an attempt to rouse her. Sawyer panicked slightly at the lack of response and laid his head on her chest, relieved when he felt the rise and fall. He bunched his hands around the grimy material of her t-shirt, and inhaled her natural scent, mixed up with dirt and sweat. It didn't matter what odours clung to her, he would always be able to tell it was her, that unique scent. He was slightly worried about the way her clothes seemed to positively hang off her. Food and water was definitely a top priority. Sawyer himself was feeling weak and had been fighting off dizzy spells all day, and since Kate's conditions had been worse than his, he doubted either of them could last much longer.

During his ruminating the thuds from inside the room had stopped. The absolute quiet sent Sawyer's ears buzzing. He hadn't heard silence – if one could hear silence – since he had landed on the island. There was always background noise – waves splashing against each other, the hiss of the sea kissing the shore, the whisper of the trees, the ominous rustling of the unknown – there was always noise. Silence was man-made. Silence existed here. Man must exist here too.

"Sawyer."

The almost rude shattering of the silence startled Sawyer. He glanced down at Kate whilst simultaneously connecting the voice to a male's. Kate was still in deep slumber, and a quick sweep of the corridor indicated no presence.

"…the hell?" Sawyer muttered, creasing his eyebrows.

"Sawyer."

"Who are you?" Sawyer demanded, rising and assuming a defensive stance in front of the unconscious brunette.

"Sawyer, it's me. Boone. Open up."

Sawyer realised the whelp must be behind the door, out of sight. But why would Kate have been trying so hard to trap him in that room? He cautiously inched closer to the door, taking in the metallic door, the numbers inscribed on it.

"Come on, Sawyer. We have to go before _They_ come." Boone's tone was both insistent and oddly compelling, and the stress placed on "They" made Sawyer wonder exactly who the Others were and why they were so terrifying. His hand seemed to work independently of his brain and whilst he had been thinking his hand had been creeping towards the handle.

"Don't."

The voice was weak, scratchy, but unmistakably Kate.

He turned to look at her, incredulous. Kate slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position, resting heavily back on one arm.

"Curiosity killed the cat, Sawyer."

The corner of her mouth twitched, like she was attempting to smile, but was failing to do so. Sawyer immediately abandoned his post by the door and kneeled down by her side. He gently rubbed some dirt off of her cheek, and Kate nestled her head into his cupped palm.

"Hey," Sawyer murmured, his eyes hungrily drinking in her freckles, the curve of her nose, the flecks of grey in the stunning green of her eyes, the pink and brown scrape that burrowed into her jaw line. He traced the line with his finger, and Kate winced, jerking her head back slightly, involuntarily. She looked up at him through thick eyelashes, and tilted her head ever so slightly to the right.

"I knew you'd come," she whispered. "I knew it. I thought I was crazy, but…I just knew. I'm glad I was right."

He could feel her breath, mingling on his bronzed cheek. He could _almost _feel her nose, brushing against his. The tension was delicious, but unbearable, and he found himself grinning madly at her words. He wanted to yell, to holler to the whole world, but enough common sense lurked at the back of his mind to figure that this was not the time to do it, so he settled by pressing his lips against hers and the electricity was dazzling. Sawyer closed his eyes and moaned in appreciation, and a soft gasp from Kate meant she was enjoying this just as much as he was. Sawyer grasped her waist with one hand, and brought the other up to tangle itself in her hair, slipping his tongue inside her yielding mouth. Kate whimpered as the kiss intensified, and Sawyer tore himself away from her mouth, kissing a trail down her jaw, her and ending up in the hollow of her neck.

"Sawyer…" Kate moaned, half in pleasure, half in warning. He was suddenly thrust back into reality and did not like it one bit. He reluctantly pulled away from her, pulling her forward for one chaste kiss on her forehead, before tucking her into the crook of his neck. He gently rubbed circles on her back, and they sat there for a few minutes, not saying a word, not needing to.

Kate broke the silence.

"We need to go."

Sawyer nodded reluctantly.

"You ok to go?" He stood slowly, blinking away sudden red blotches that had floated into his vision.

"Yeah, I think so." Kate sounded unsure, and Sawyer grabbed her firmly under the arms, holding her closely until she was completely steady on her feet. She swayed a little as she took a step forward, and Sawyer leapt forward quickly, balancing her.

"I'm ok." Kate shrugged him off quickly, and Sawyer was a little offended.

"Only tryin' to help, darlin'. Excuse me for tryin'."

Kate looked at him remorsefully, and Sawyer just knew he was falling for those doe eyes. She sighed.

"I'm sorry Sawyer; I guess I'm a bit touchy. I'll be fine once I have something to eat or drink. You bring anything?" The last bit was hopeful, even though she could see it was unlikely. He hated that he would be disappointing her already, but there was nothing he could do at the moment.

"Sorry sweetheart," Sawyer spoke gruffly, looking at the ground. "Finished it up a day or so ago."

"'S alright Sawyer," Kate was slurring slightly due to the dizziness and tiredness, and she looped her arm with Sawyer's. "We'll find some."

Sawyer smiled at her unbelievable optimism. A sharp thud made him jump, and he could feel Kate shaking in his arms as well at the sudden rush of adrenaline.

"Hey!" Boone's voice was more insistent. "You gonna help me outta here, or what?"

He glanced at Kate, who narrowed her eyes and shook her head. Sawyer sent her a questioning look, one that demanded answers, later.

"Or what," Sawyer shouted, and holding onto Kate both in support and for support, the two began to shuffle slowly down the corridor, back the way Sawyer had come.

Hopefully.

* * *

Ok, I think that's the best place to stop, so so sorry it's been so long between updates! Hope the reunion was alright: ). 


	22. Chapter 22

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Lost.

**Chapter 22**

They had been walking for an hour before it began.

"Don't pretend like you suddenly care again."

Kate shrugged herself out from under the crook of his arm and fastened a glare at Sawyer, taking an insolent bite out of a banana. They had found a sack of fairly fresh fruit in one of the endless corridors; suspicious, certainly, but so far, no one had come, and nothing had happened to them. One should never look a gift horse in the mouth, as it were.

Sawyer tilted his head as he shifted position to face her, blue eyes making contact with green.

"I never stopped." His face was deadly serious, his voice even more so.

Kate tutted at him contemptuously, and flung her hair over her shoulder in an annoyed fashion, continuing right on with her tirade.

"Oh, that's a lie. If you cared about me _one bit_ you would never have slept with me then just….just cast me aside the next day."

"I never planned on doing that, alright?" Sawyer's voice ended in a hiss, and he clenched his teeth as he fought somewhat successfully to keep calm.

"What, I was that bad?" Kate wrapped her arms around her waist and stepped back, away from Sawyer, in what was clearly a defensive pose.

"What?" Sawyer gaped slightly as he comprehended the question. Realisation dawned in his eyes, and he kicked himself mentally. "Freckles, that was _not_ why at all…"

A satisfied smirk slipped onto Sawyer's face unintentionally and Kate huffed at his none too subtle train of thought. She placed one hand on her hip and all Sawyer could think of was how hot she looked when she was mad. Little red spots flowered on her cheeks, breath puffed from her mouth in short bursts and the skin between her eyebrows creased into a frown.

"So why'd you do it?" Her voice was sharp, controlled.

Sawyer ran a hand through his hair, and looked down.

"Because I thought I could have stopped this from happening."

Kate's frown deepened and she looked at Sawyer in confusion.

"Sawyer, there's no way you could have known…"

"But I did, Kate, I did," he stated emphatically. "I saw the real Sawyer that night, the man who ruined my life. He told me, Freckles, he told me what was gonna happen with the Others, and for once in my life I actually listened. Not that it did any good in the end."

"What? I don't understand." Kate had stepped closer and her hand lay on his arm. Sawyer brushed her off and turned away, speaking bitterly to the empty corridor.

"He told me things, sassafras, things which I couldn't have known. He told me what they'd do to you – which they _did_ do to you, after all I tried to stop it – and I just thought, that if it looked like I didn't care about you, they wouldn't think you were special enough to me to take."

"Sawyer…"

"It's true," another voice said.

Kate and Sawyer both stopped and spun around, looking for the source of the voice.

The situation was eerily reminiscent to Sawyer. An empty corridor except for him and Kate, and a voice behind a door. Wait…a voice behind a door….

"Claire?" his voice was uncertain, and his hand was again reaching for the door. But this time Kate did not stop him, and he tugged on the handle, until the door ground reluctantly open and true enough, Claire was standing there. Kate and Sawyer just stood there for a moment, mouths gaping slightly, unable to cope with the irony that what (or rather who) they were looking for, they had found when they weren't looking.

"You two just going to stand there?"

Sawyer went forward to assist the _still pregnant_ (he noticed thankfully) woman but Kate lay a warning hand on his outstretched arm.

"How do we know you don't have…"

"…The disease? I don't. They want my baby Kate; I have no use other than that. Yet."

Kate looked at her, distrust melting into a need for this to be true, before finally giving in and carefully enveloping the blonde in a hug, wincing into the Australian's shoulder as several bruises made themselves known.

"You know, Sawyer told me about his "visit" before I…went." Claire gently brought the conversation back to focus, as they untangled themselves. She was surprised by Sawyer's sudden, gruff hug, but went with the flow and hugged him back before he just as quickly withdrew. "He told me, after I interrupted his moping."

"Was not," Sawyer muttered sulkily. He looked directly at Kate. "But then, sweet cheeks, you just gotta run off on your own and it happened anyway." He choked on the last few words, and Kate could see the devastation in his eyes, the shade of failure. He turned away, kicking microscopic shards of earth.

"You…you did that to protect me?" Kate whispered, her eyes crinkling as she took in Sawyer's words. She looked up at him, mouth slightly open in surprise, eyes shining with tears and hope.

Sawyer looked down, bashful. "God, you'd think no one ever done anything like it for you before…"

Kate swallowed.

"No one has."

Kate walked slowly to Sawyer and gingerly wrapped her arms around his neck. He enveloped her body with his arms, gently, so as to cause her as little pain as possible, and they held on as if they were the only ones in the world.

Claire leaned on the doorframe, smiling sadly as she took the scene in. The simple gesture reminded her painfully of Charlie. She lowered her eyes, almost embarrassed, as their embrace became more passionate.

_Let them have their moment._

Ten seconds later, she broke them up. Some things were meant to be private for a reason.

* * *

"So how'd you find me?"

It had been thirty minutes, and the politeness Claire had felt necessary had worn off and was replaced with a burning need for a distraction. Kate and Sawyer didn't seem to have a clue where they were going, but Claire was too tactful to tell them that, and maybe they knew the way anyway and she would feel bad for not believing in them.

"Blind luck."

Maybe not then. Sawyer's curt answer did little to raise Claire's spirits further. They weren't safe, they weren't even out of the compound yet and she was already tired. A searing pain lay muted in her womb, and a small heartbeat existed inside her to tell her that time was running out. Tick tock. Claire only had vague memories of the journey between the beach and the compound but she had worked out it had to have been at least a day's journey, if not more. Tick tock.

Kate must have noticed her lagging because she wriggled reluctantly out of Sawyer's grasp and looped a friendly arm in Claire's.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Kate's face was dubious, but Claire hated to burden her more than she already had, she could see the trouble Kate had been through here. Claire had got off lightly. The Others had basically left her to her own devices, locked up and fed at regular intervals, with some kind of buzzer to press if she were to find herself in labour.

"Honestly Kate, I'm fine. I'm nine months pregnant; it's tiring carrying around another person."

"I guess…" Kate trailed off. "But tell me if you need anything, like food, or rest, or something. Ok?"

Claire nodded absently, only voicing her acquiescence when Kate lifted an eyebrow.

Sawyer's Southern drawl trickled into the girls' conversation.

"I found the way out."

Sure enough, a metallic door that had been wrenched open haphazardly pointed to the luscious greenery the dark mint green of the jungle.

He noticed the wooden door-stopper with a frown, but said nothing, and the three hurried out into the night, the fresh air ambrosia to their lungs.

* * *

Kate and Sawyer were no longer holding hands; instead, they were supporting Claire, one on each side. Sawyer had offered (somewhat doubtfully) to carry her; however, Claire still had her dignity, and had refused. She was also afraid that Sawyer would feel her flinch, feel her clench, as the dull pain ebbed and flowed like the sea they were so eager to reach. Her eyes traced the forest floor as she concentrated on the steady pace, allowing the constant thud of their feet calm her. It was working too.

Until Kate and Sawyer stopped dead in their tracks.

Claire looked up slowly, fearfully. They were in a clearing of some kind, tall trees encircling them menacingly, boulders blocking paths. And several men ("The Others"" she heard Kate gasp with a hint of fear) had emerged from the hostile surroundings, as silent as the night.

"It was interesting watching you wander our corridors for hours," one of them sneered, eyeing Kate up appreciatively. Sawyer tightened his grip on Claire, as if he could pass his protection along to Kate. "But now, we grow tired of your games. You really think we would let you go? That baby," he pointed to Claire, and she shrank back under his gaze, "belongs to us. And as for you two, you, you would be a worthy addition to our team."

"You think we're gonna join with you?" Sawyer spat derisively.

"You think you have a choice?" He mocked back.

The Others had advanced on the three as they spoke, and Kate and Sawyer moved fluidly to cover Claire, without saying a word, as if they had done this many times before.

"Come," beckoned the Other, crooking his finger towards them. More emerged from the shadows, but it was one face that sent shivers down their spines. Twisted features and a ghastly grin were thrown into sharp relief from the torch he carried. He spun it up under his chin, as if to begin a ghost story.

"Now, we need no introduction," he began.

"Boone," uttered Claire, unable to stop the word falling out of her mouth.

"That's right," Boone grinned, and motioned for the Others to advance further.

Claire glanced from left to right. Kate and Sawyer looked terrified, but there was a determination in their eyes that gave her a shred of hope.

"Please," Claire whispered, offering a prayer to whoever was listening.


	23. Chapter 23

**Reflections**

**Disclaimer: **Dydw i ddim yn meddu Lost.

**Chapter 23**

There was a second where no one moved, and to Sawyer it was as if the Others were about to open with some Matrix-style moves. And he wasn't completely sure they weren't capable of it, so he swallowed, and tensed, ready for action. Usually he would be attacking, but with Kate and Claire around he couldn't afford to leave them to their own devices, so he struck a defensive pose, hands balled into fists, positioned slightly in front of Claire.

And then it started.

He couldn't recall, later on, which one it had been who had struck first; they came towards the three in a blur of malevolent energy. There must have been about six or seven Others, Sawyer had calculated back at the beach, but in the midst of the action, it felt like a hundred. A haze of punches and kicks surrounded Sawyer. They had attempted to drag heavy netting over him, effectively trapping the strongest of the trio, but unbeknownst to him, pulling back his fist for a punch, he had knocked two of the Others sneaking up behind him with the netting and tangled them up in it.

Kate knew from experience it wasn't something you could free yourself from. She thought they had used it at some sports games to separate particularly rowdy rival supporters, but as she sparred with an Other she was just grateful that two out of six had been successfully knocked out of the game. She just had to make sure Claire went no where near the net; otherwise they'd be back where they'd started.

Kate and Sawyer had formed a protective line in front of Claire, who was holding a somewhat sturdy branch, gripping it with a shaking hand as she frantically spun around, dodging the one Other who had slipped past their man made barrier. Claire supposed she should be thankful in a way; the other two each had two Others attacking them now. No, hang on…Sawyer had just knocked out one by savagely ramming their head into a tree trunk. Claire winced and looked away, feeling nausea rising in her.

_He's doing it to save you, moron. Get a grip._

"Well, well, three down already. Your boyfriend is doing pretty well, isn't he?" Boone appeared behind Kate's shoulder, startling her, but not enough for her to give the Other an advantage. "Leave her," Boone commanded, with a cool flick of his hand, and they reluctantly backed off, crossing their arms threateningly behind him so only Kate could see. Kate was struck by the calmness of his gait, the cool control he possessed. As long as she had known Boone, in sickness and in health, as it were, he had always had a sort of erratic quality about him.

Boone's eyes were wide and blue in the dark jungle, and they scared Kate more than the cell had. He advanced upon her steadily, and Kate found herself tripping back, cursing herself silently for losing her ground. Her head was thrown forward by the force at which she hit a tree trunk, but she had no time to wince, for Boone shot his hand out with a precise, calculated movement, and gripped Kate's neck. A total panic consumed her as her airways constricted; her heart thundered loudly in her head, manifesting itself with black and red spots in front of her eyes.

"Sawyer," she attempted to croak, but only a faint wheeze emerged.

She tried to kick Boone, to punch him, anything, but all the blood had rushed to her head and her body lay useless, flopping underneath Boone's grip.

Suddenly, without breaking eye contact, Boone lessened his grip so Kate could breathe. She tried to take deep gulps of air but choked on the limited supply Boone was allowing her and doubled over coughing, forcing Boone to bend with her.

"Kate," Boone whispered, clenching his teeth.

Kate looked at him with pure venom.

"Do it. Do it now."

Kate's eyes widened as she understood.

"No."

"I'll kill you, Kate. Don't think I won't. This is your _only_ chance. I don't have the strength to hold it back any more."

Kate glanced sideways at Sawyer, to see him finishing off another attacker. She couldn't see Claire and it panicked her. Boone's eyes narrowed and he slammed her suddenly back up against the tree, holding her above him so her feet dangled uselessly a metre above the ground. Her feet scrambled helplessly, and she could feel the darkness welcoming her. She struggled to lift her arm up and around her waist to the small of her back. Her hand enclosed on the cool metal of Boone's gun, and with the last of her energy, she wrenched her arm up and around, and as her vision almost completely blacked out, she squeezed the trigger point blank, feeling Boone's warm blood spurting out over her body as they slumped together down the tree trunk into an unconscious state only one would arise from.

"Sawyer!"

Sawyer turned around at Claire's frantic cry and saw Kate and Boone slump to the ground. A reserve of strength returned to him at the sight and he heaved another net, which had been left neglected in the commotion, over the two Others fighting him and the one menacing Claire in one swoop, an anguished yelp emerging from him as he raced over to Kate.

Sawyer pulled Boone off Kate, and laid him roughly to one side. The horrific wide eyed grin that would now be etched on his face permanently was a wretched reminder of the past week, and Sawyer would have been thankful it hadn't been Kate if his heart wasn't in his throat just looking at her.

Kate lay slumped against the trunk, a dark red blood drowning her t-shirt, and reds, blues, and blacks bloomed nastily on her neck. Sawyer tentatively took her hand. It still felt warm. A soft splutter pushed its way out of her mouth, and a terrified gasp for air followed. Sawyer sprang into action at this, and gently pushed Kate into a more comfortable position, as an agonising moan left her lips.

"Come on, Freckles, just breathe. I got you Princess, just hand on." He manoeuvred himself so he was sitting next to her, discretely checking for any hidden injuries. Claire sat a safe distance away on a boulder, keeping an eye on the unconscious Others, once she was sure Kate was alive. Kate and Sawyer were in a world of their own, and she felt like an unwilling intruder.

Kate gained more awareness of her surroundings, and her gaze fell on Boone. She looked away, pained, pursing her lips together. Sawyer heard soft strangled gasps emanating from her but he couldn't tell if she was crying or just struggling to breathe, until he forced himself to look at her, unwilling to because of his failure to protect.

Hot bitter tears streamed down her face. He hesitantly put an arm around her and she surprised them both by clinging onto him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. Sawyer enveloped her tight fist with his large hand, marvelling at the smallness of hers. Her knuckles were white as she grabbed on tighter. Her sobs racked her small frame, and Sawyer wondered how something this tiny could be so strong. He had never felt more useless in his life, and all he could think to do was to rub her back and mutter soothing phrases, as he had seen people do. It seemed to work, as eventually she calmed down. He pulled her down gently, so she was sitting in his lap. She laid her head against Sawyer's chest and he brought a hand up to stroke her hair. Her chest still hitched with dry sobs occasionally, but apart from that she was silent.

Claire eventually broke the silence.

"What are we going to do about…about Them?"

Sawyer looked down derisively. "They can stay here and rot," he snarled, with an unusual level of hatred, even for him. "What do they want you two for, anyway?"

"They want you too."

"What? Why?"

"They're terrified, Sawyer. Terrified they're going to die without making a mark on the world. Because they can't go home, they want to make a home here. Make their own civilisation. They've been watching us. I was nine months pregnant, that's too good an opportunity for them to throw away. But Kate, and you, they chose."

She looked at Kate.

"They've been watching how we've adapted to the island. You and Sawyer, they know that you could _survive_. They don't just want anyone for their civilisation. They want the strongest, the most adept. The "sickness" somehow amplifies your strength. Most people can't handle it…"

"Like Boone?" Kate murmured desolately, fixating on Boone's dead body, his face mercifully hidden from her view.

"Yeah. They think that you can handle it. You're tough. Most of them are sterile, they can't have children themselves. But they want to take ours, to guide them themselves."

"They're sterile?" Kate asked, slightly too quickly. Her tense pose relaxed somewhat, but the "most" Claire had talked about was still worrying.

"Yeah…I think there's a couple of them…" Claire trailed off as she realized the probable reason of Kate's question, and brought a hand to her mouth.

Realisation dawned on Sawyer too, and the thought sickened him. The bruises, the strangulation, that wasn't enough?

Kate saw the direction this was taking and quickly changed the subject, not looking either of them in the eye.

"Why do they want Sawyer?"

Sawyer was still looking at her with an expression full of anger, pity, anguish, guilt and defeat.

"I'll be right back".

Sawyer hastily retreated out of sight and hearing. He leaned over, bracing one hand on a rock, breathing heavily.

_Oh God, those…bastards, those sick. Fcking. Bastards…_

Sawyer couldn't even bring himself to finish the thought; he didn't know any words bad enough to describe them anyway. He retched, until nothing but dry heaving remained. He sat on the rock, his hands braced around his neck, taking deep breaths, trying to settle his stomach. His heart beat seemed unnaturally loud, and one thought ran like a mantra through his head.

_I failed her._

Sharp, jagged breaths escaped from his lips but no tears. He kicked the rock, sending a sharp pain up his foot. He didn't care though. Pain was good. He needed to feel it. It wasn't anything near what she must have been through. He kicked repeatedly, working out some of his frustrations on the rock.

He stopped, trying to calm himself. He couldn't lose his head. They weren't out of danger yet. He sat back down on the boulder, his head in his hands as he took deep shuddering breaths. Suddenly his head sprang up.

_Christ, what am I doing leaving them alone?_

He sprinted back, bursting into the clearing.

* * *

There was an uncomfortable silence as Sawyer left.

"Kate…" Claire almost whispered. The look in her eyes was too much for Kate.

"Why do they want Sawyer?" she repeated firmly, looking away from the pregnant girl.

Claire sighed inwardly but let it drop. She winced slightly as another contraction ripped through her.

"Are you ok?"

"What? Oh, yeah I'm fine."

Kate gave Claire much the same look as she had been given just a moment ago. Kate looked distrustful, but she nodded slowly.

"They wanted Sawyer because he's strong; he's handy with an axe. They think, and I quote, "he already has a bit of the beast in him". But mostly because he's so protective of you."

"What?"

"Maybe you never noticed it, but the protectiveness has always been there. They knew that if you and Sawyer had a child together, that he would protect it with his life."

"So they wanted me to have a baby with Sawyer, not one of them?"

Kate felt relieved, but also at the same time disgusted by the actions of the Others. A tiny part of her wondered if she and Sawyer would have had a baby, but that was a terrifying thought.

She was saved from more thoughts when another, worse, contraction ripped through Claire, who couldn't help but cry out.

"Oh my God. You're having the baby."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"Ok, maybe."

"We have to get you back to Jack."

"That's hours away Kate. We won't get there. I think…I think you're going to have to deliver it."

At that moment Sawyer burst back into the clearing.

"Claire's having the baby!" Kate burst out, panicking more than slightly.

Sawyer also looked alarmed.

"Well, let's get a move on; get her back to the Doc."

"There's no time. I've been having contractions all day I just…didn't want you to worry…"

Sawyer looked as panicked as Kate felt.

"I don't know how to deliver a baby!"

"What, and I do?"

Kate took deep calming breaths and counted to ten.

"Did Jack tell you anything in case he wasn't around?" she asked hopefully.

The contractions were coming faster now.

Kate kneeled down gingerly, pain shooting around her body. She ignored it, gritting her teeth. She brushed a stray hair away from Claire's clammy forehead.

"It's ok sweetie, just breathe. In and out. That's it."

As Kate helped Claire ride out the next contraction Sawyer stood to one side uncomfortably. Hell if _he_ knew what to do.

"He said," Claire managed to continue, "to clean the nose and mouth when it comes and…oh, and not to push until contractions are sixty seconds apart, then push, but not too hard or too fast until the head is clear, then as hard as I can." She nodded as she finished, pleased that she'd remembered, before the enormity of the situation overwhelmed her.

"I can't do this."

"Yes, you can."

"No, no I can't."

"You have to."

"I can't have this baby here!" Claire was getting slightly hysterical.

Sawyer and Kate managed to pull themselves together enough to try and work out a plan. They stood to one side and started speaking in low voices.

"Hello?" Claire's voice rang out. "I'm the one having the baby here!"

Kate and Sawyer shared a look before heading back to Claire.

"Ok then," Sawyer started, rubbing his hands. "I think Kate should uh, deliver the baby…"

"What? Why me?"

He looked at Claire. "Do you really want me down there?"

"Kate can deliver the baby," Claire quickly stated, wincing as another contraction made its presence felt.

Sawyer ripped off his shirt.

Kate looked incredulously at him, although Sawyer noticed her slow gaze and smirked.

"You really think stripping is going to help here?"

"No, sweet cheeks, thought it could be something for mamacita over here to lie on. Gotta be better than giving birth straight onto the floor of the jungle. And I got one bottle of water left. But I think you-"

"No. Claire and the baby." Kate said no more and set about laying Sawyer's shirt on the ground. Sawyer scowled. Kate's neck was looking red and swollen, with large purple bruises in the shape of fingerprints, but she covered her neck with her long hair. Her voice was scratchy and hoarse and he had noticed it getting worse. Kate noticed Sawyer staring.

"Sawyer, we'll need to clean the baby and –"

She got cut off by Claire's wails.

"Kate, I need to push!"

"Um, no, no, don't push yet."

"But I have to!"

"You can't. Not until contractions are sixty seconds apart, remember?"

It seemed like forever to Claire, but soon her contractions got shorter and shorter until it was time to push.

Sawyer situated himself next to Claire, and held her hand firmly, but not before squeezing Kate's shoulder gently to wish her luck.

"Ok, Claire, start pushing."

* * *

Normally this would be the last place in the world Sawyer would wish to be. But looking at Kate, looking at the determination on her face, despite what she had been through, made him feel so proud. She looked terrified, certainly, but for once, she wasn't running away, and he loved her for it. There were certain things about the birth that Sawyer didn't care to remember later on, like the noises, the way Claire nearly broke his hand by squeezing it so damn hard, but watching the smile on Kate's face as she held the baby, as she handed it over to Claire, that made up for it.

Sawyer wasn't a mushy person, but when Claire allowed him to hold her baby boy, allowed him to hold this tiny life in his hands, it was the most amazing feeling. He looked up and saw Kate smiling at him, and he grinned back.

_Well, this ain't as bad as it could be._


	24. Chapter 24

I'm soooo sorry for the wait guys, I feel really bad :(. Hopefully this will make up for it a bit :). And just remember…Sawyer is shirtless the whole of this chapter ;).

**Chapter 24**

Sawyer cradled the baby exactly as instructed, albeit somewhat stiffly. He gratefully accepted his shirt off Kate before, to their surprise, wrapping it around the whimpering infant.

"What?" he snarled, covering his embarrassment as he felt the heavy gaze of the two women bearing down on him.

Kate looked at him, but before he had time to decipher her expression she turned away, gingerly fingering the swelling on her neck as she knelt down before Claire.

And that's when the crying started.

"Shh…shh…" Sawyer crooned awkwardly, jiggling the tiny bundle impatiently. If anything, the volume intensified. "Aww, come on!"

"Let me try," Claire volunteered shakily, arms outstretched in anticipation. Blonde hair straggled limply around her face and her skin was pink and shiny with exhaustion. As Sawyer passed the baby over to her he could feel her trembling, with nerves or fatigue he couldn't tell.

As Claire rocked the baby, muttering soothing phrases which had little to no effect, Sawyer placed his hand on the small of Kate's back and guided her to a slightly more private place. The fact that the Others still lay around them, trapped under nets, did not escape his notice. They needed to move, and soon.

"God damnit, what if there are more of them? This wailing's like a siren and we're sitting here like… ducks. Might as well paint a big damn neon arrow over our heads while we're at it," Sawyer grumbled, casting a grim expression over Kate's shoulder at the eerily silent surroundings. He didn't see Claire bite her lip and he didn't see her glassy eyes, but Kate did. She glared at him before increasing the distance between them and Claire so they could not be overheard so easily.

"What do you think you're playing at?" Kate hissed angrily. "That poor girl has just had a _baby_, for crying out loud. Can't you give her a break? She's trying."

Sawyer grabbed her arm as gently as he could in his frustration. "And she won't _have_ a baby for much longer if it keeps on yellin'. I'm being practical, sugar, because somebody sure as hell has to."

"Practical? _Practical_?" The ire in Kate's croaking voice made Sawyer step back involuntarily as he steeled himself for the onslaught that was sure to follow. "God, Sawyer, don't talk to me about _practical_. I just…I just _killed_ someone who could have been a friend. He could have killed me. He could have killed you, or Claire_. Could_ have. But he didn't. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't've, but he didn't, because I did the practical thing and stopped him before he had the chance to. Chance. That was what it was about. Practical is looking out for yourself Sawyer. Don't talk to me about practical."

Kate turned away, disgusted. Sawyer couldn't tell if it was directed at him or herself. A bit of both, he imagined. She wore that tortured and bitter look on her face like a second skin and Sawyer wished he could peel it off forever, but he knew it wasn't likely to happen any time soon, if ever. Sawyer gritted his teeth in frustration. He wasn't cut out for this. He didn't know how to look after anyone but himself.

But still he tried. For her.

"Freckles, boy had already died, you saw what he was like. That ain't the whelp we used to know. He was changed, and nothing you coulda done would've changed that."

"He asked me to kill him," murmured Kate, so quietly Sawyer had to strain to make out the words. "He asked me to, before he hurt anyone else, but I couldn't. He asked for my help Sawyer and I was too weak to give it to him until he had me begging for my own life over his. What does that make me Sawyer, huh?" Kate's eyes overflowed with tears and she curled her fists up and hit them against Sawyer's chest weakly. "What does that make me?"

Sawyer enclosed her wrists with his hands and drew him towards her until she stopped struggling.

"Makes you human, princess."

"Oh, God, Boone," wailed Kate quietly, muffled against Sawyer's chest.

"Shh, Freckles, it's ok to mourn, but we really got to get a move on soon, before they escape or more come. We're no match for them, not really." He refrained from adding "_We were lucky_", knowing that this wasn't the right time.

Sawyer stroked Kate curls absent-mindedly as he waited for her tears to subside. In the background, he could hear Claire singing "catch a falling star, and put it in your pocket…" to the baby, who thankfully had decreased its screams to a more content gurgling.

Suddenly Kate shoved herself away from him and dashed over behind the trees, where he could hear her vomiting, one hand braced against a tree. He rushed over, collecting her hair behind her and rubbing her back in soothing motions.

"That's it Freckles, get it all out. Not like you had a lot in there to begin with."

A harsh scream cut through the air like a knife.

"My baby! Let go of my baby!"

"Sht!" exclaimed Sawyer, running a hand through his hair worriedly. He danced between the two women for a moment, before running in the direction of Claire. Hell, if Kate wasn't too busy hurling she would've told him to run after Claire, right? He wasn't Jack; he didn't know how to respond to situations like this. He wasn't a hero, so why was he pretending to be?

For her. It was always for her.

He surveyed the scene in front of him as he ran towards Claire. One of the Others had loosened himself from the net and after a moments hesitation, had decided to wrench the baby from Claire's grasp over rescuing more of his friends, leaving her bleeding on the floor. Sawyer glanced at Claire and saw that she was still conscious and not heavily bleeding, and so ran after the Other, who had speeded away, quick as lightning.

And that's when he ran into Locke.

"I told you, I ain't leaving until I've found my boy!" shouted a voice Sawyer recognised as Mike's. He took this all in stride, never taking his eyes off the Other as he pushed out of Locke's way and continued running.

"He's got Claire's baby!" Sawyer shouted over his shoulder, hoping whoever was with Locke and Michael would follow. He didn't expect Charlie to overtake him, full on sprinting towards the Other. He watched as Charlie rugby-tackled the Other around his legs, and arrived just in time to grab the baby out of his hands as he fell. Sayid and Locke rushed up to help Charlie restrain him, as Sawyer was left holding the baby.

_That sounds so wrong_.

"Guys, I need to go back and get the girls. Don't want to go leaving them unattended in the deep dark jungle. Try and bring him back to the enclosure, there's nets we can use to restrain him. It's right by where you saw me."

_Damn, when did I become the one who looked after women and babies?_

He strode briskly but carefully back, darting his eyes to and fro, constantly watching for any signs of danger. He entered the clearing to find a grey but otherwise ok Kate trying vainly to calm down Claire. He noticed she had managed to tend to one of her cuts, and he had to forcefully shove images of Nurse Kate to the back of his head to peruse at leisure at a later date.

Sawyer cleared his throat, unsure as to how to break the Australian out of her hysterics with a baby in his arms.

When she noticed the baby, Claire burst into tears.

"I'm such a terrible mother! He's not even an hour old and already I've let him be taken from me!"

"Uh…let? No…no, you really haven't." Sawyer fidgeted awkwardly at such a display of emotion.

"Thank you," Claire whispered, the transition from loud to quiet alarming Sawyer.

"Thank your boyfriend, chica. He was the one who stopped the Other."

"What? Charlie? Charlie's…here?" A watery grin lit up Claire's bedraggled face as she scanned the horizon for him.

"Yeah, and some others…Mikey's lookin' for his boy, I'm guessing your boyfriend's lookin' for you and the other two finally decided to get off their asses and do something? They should be coming along any minute."

He caught Kate's eye and smiled almost shyly, before lowering his gaze to the ground.

"Hey," she murmured, well aware Claire was too engrossed in her child to pay any attention to them. "You did good. My hero."

She leant in and kissed him, a soft, rewarding kiss. There was no urgency, no overwhelming passion that had been the case with so many of their embraces.

It was peace.


	25. Chapter 25

Ten years later….she updates! I'm incredibly sorry, my fic muse morphed into an art muse :rolleyes:. But I'm back. I hope.

* * *

**Chapter 25**

A loud wail from the baby interrupted the moment and Sawyer swore in irritation, staring daggers at the child.

"Hell, don't that thing ever shut up?"

"I'm sorry! I don't know how to stop him. I don't know anything! I wasn't even meant to look after this baby!" Claire was dangerously close to tears, and she forced them away, unwilling to let her grief endanger her child's life, balanced in her arms, as her shoulders started to tremble. Charlie shot Sawyer a dirty look as he made his way towards the mother and child.

"Hey," Charlie started hesitantly, a wide smile spreading, eyes gleaming. Sawyer looked away from the pair and rolled his eyes, before he caught Kate's hard stare.

"Don't you start, woman." His voice was gruff but there was no malice in it, even a hint of wry amusement. Kate rolled her eyes back at him mockingly, before turning away and leaving Charlie and Claire to their reunion in private.

Sayid, Locke and Michael emerged through the clearing, carrying a struggling man, the Other who had attempted to steal the baby. Sawyer looked at the nets, but which one to use? All had some Others trapped underneath, and what if they were just faking it, ready to pounce the moment the net was lifted? Sayid surveyed the situation quickly, and gestured at the net with only one Other underneath. Sawyer warily made his way towards it, berating himself for needing Sayid's direction.

_Damn Captain Falafel. Coulda worked it out myself._

It wasn't easy but eventually they had used the heavy netting to trap the Other safely under. The sheer weight of the netting forced him downwards, but he had one last parting shot.

"Don't think this is over," he snarled. "It's only just beginning. We will succeed. It is a matter of time, and this island has plenty of it."

Sawyer couldn't resist a swift kick to the Other's head; visions of what They had done to Kate conjured up unbidden. The Other fell into unconsciousness with a muffled yelp. Sayid looked at Sawyer knowingly, pityingly. Then his gaze fell on Boone.

He knelt down next to the body, hovering his hand a few inches above his face. Kate noticed and ran away, violently retching in the nearest bush. She shivered, and placed her palms on a tree, leaning against it. She lip quivered as tears blinded her. Sawyer strode over to her but she pushed him away. He refused to be sidelined, drew her into his arms. Sayid took this all in, but said nothing.

"Shannon will be devastated," he said softly. "He was…changed, yes?"

"Yeah," Sawyer answered, when Kate made no move to. He swallowed, and drew Kate a little closer. She clung to him slightly, but for once Sawyer didn't mind.

"I will take care of him; you do not need to worry any longer. My main mission has found itself at a most sorrowful end." Sayid gently brushed Boone's eyes, ensuring the eyelid's closed, the hauntingly sinister smile stiffened into an eternal pose.

Michael, finally done with securing the nets, made his way over.

"God…" he whispered, the harsh probability of Walt's fate suddenly all too real. "I have to go now. I have to find Walt."

"Don't worry, we'll find your boy." Locke's soft ethereal voice cut into the conversation. "The island will allow you to find what you are looking for if you are willing to pay the price."

Sawyer fought the violent urge to punch someone, something, at the "price" Kate had had to pay.

"Alright then," Locke began, his eyes twinkling, a disturbing contradiction to the subject matter. "I propose myself, Michael and Sawyer continue on the search for Walt whilst Sayid can transport Boone back to his sister, and Charlie can help Claire with the baby."

"What about Kate?" asked Claire. "Can she- is she…"

"Yes, Claire, I think it would be a good idea for Kate to remain with you."

Kate wanted to protest, she wanted to go to find Walt, but most of all she didn't want to be separated from Sawyer. But she was tired, and aching, and guilt-ridden, so she passively complied by not complaining.

"I think it would be a good idea to take a break here before continuing along our separate ways, yes?"

Muttered agreements followed and they split off into twos and threes. Kate and Sawyer remained by the tree, until Sawyer remembered that Kate had thrown up nearby and gently tugged her along, just out of sight of the others.

"Don't go." Kate's voice was quiet, but the abrupt change in tone made Sawyer pause.

"Why the hell not?" he spat tiresomely, squinting down at her through the suddenly blazing glare of the sun. He was itching to move, _anywhere._ He was getting antsy from just sitting around, and yearned to get moving. He didn't notice the tone of her voice, at first.

Kate looked at him wearily, and Sawyer could practically see her retreat back into herself. The sad vulnerability she had shown was quickly replaced with a masked indifference, and Sawyer cursed himself when he realised how she had opened up to him, only for him to turn around and bark at her.

"Freckles…"

"No, it's fine. You should go. I was just being stupid." The scratchy hoarseness of her voice only added to the guilt Sawyer felt and he gritted his teeth, willing himself to stay calm.

"Look, they got enough people. I'll come with you."

"Don't make any concessions for me Sawyer." Not wanting to be a burden and annoyed that she had thought he had come for _her_, when it seemed he was willing to risk his life for anyone, gave way to an irrational jealousy, and as a result, her stubborn streak emerged. She dug her toes in, ready to argue against him, when in reality, all she wanted to do was agree. But she didn't want him to feel _obligated_ to.

"I ain't going, all right? I'm comin' with you, so stop with your looks and let's get going."

"Walt needs more help than I do." Kate bit her lip as she baited him, a perverse need overtaking all rationality. A need to see how far she could push before he would shove. It didn't take long.

Sawyer growled in frustration.

"Good God sweet cheeks, you just can't let it rest, can you? I did not trek through the fcking jungle for days without hardly any food or water just to turn round and leave you in the middle of fcking nowhere! I don't know why I wanted to go along to find the runt anyway, it's not like I care about no thing or no one but myself. Or you. Because you, Freckles, are inside my head," Sawyer's voice dropped to a hiss and the intensity of his voice shook Kate.

He grabbed her upper arms, then loosened his grip when her body tensed automatically from the pain that flared up. They looked into each other's eyes, a silent battle for control.

"I don't know why, and I don't care. Sometimes being away from you _hurts_, and I don't have a damn clue why. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I'm not allowed – I'm not supposed to love. I don't deserve it." Sawyer's voice was still in the fierce hiss he had started with, but it wavered from time to time, and Kate had never loved him more. Gathering this was as close as he came to proclaiming love she ignored the jolt of pain when she lifted her arms and crushed herself against him, body to body, mouth to mouth. They kissed hungrily, wildly. There was no delicacy, no peace in this kiss. It was pure need.

Sawyer backed Kate up against a tree, a muffled cry of mixed pleasure and pain erupting from Kate inside his mouth. Sawyer went to retreat, but Kate drew him back in, hooking her foot around his leg, preventing any further movement. He cupped a hand over her cheek, slipping his other around her waist, propping her up. He moved to kiss the crease of her mouth, and planted tiny kisses down her neck, across her collarbone. Ragged gasps and soft cries from Kate spurred him on, and he spent extra attention on the hollow of her neck, sucking and kissing, ever so mindful of the bruising just above. He was as gentle as was possible in their frenzied passion. The heady mixture of pleasure tinged with a dull pain sent tingles down her spine and she sighed, ecstatic, eyes closed involuntarily.

"Hey Sawyer! We're moving off, you ready?" Michael's voice cut through the passion like a knife and Sawyer reluctantly pulled himself away from Kate's embrace, running his hand down her arm to clutch at her hand, unwilling to totally break away from the electricity of her touch. He squeezed it once, reassuringly, as he turned to face Michael.

"Sorry Mike," he began gruffly, feeling bad for letting him down. These feelings constantly surprised him; he wasn't sure why all of a sudden he was so accommodating to other people's needs.

_Must be her. Ain't it always?_

"S'alright, man, I figured you'd stay. No hard feelings. Get the girls back safely, alright? And…and say hi to Vincent for me."

"Sure thing, Mikey. Good luck." Sawyer inclined his head, but Michael had other ideas. He stepped forward and slapped him on the back in a manly hug, before stepping back again. Michael and Locke went to leave before Michael stopped, and turned.

"Oh, and Sawyer? Don't call me Mikey."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** Woah – I meant to have this done a while ago :o never mind. The somewhat dirty line Sawyer uses in this chapter is all down to what a (guy) friend of mine said.

* * *

**Chapter 26**

They started off at a somewhat steady pace, although there were many setbacks before the group had even left. Sayid, encumbered by Boone, valiantly hoisted the body over his shoulder, making sure Boone's face was against his back, sparing the others the ghastly reminder. Claire, clearly exhausted, struggled with the baby, and whilst she allowed Charlie to support her, she would not relinquish her grip on her child. Sawyer noticed Kate shuffling her feet more than usual; her figure more slouched as she retreated back into her shell again. Sawyer slipped an arm around hers, silently offering support but not forcing it on her. Kate didn't seem to acknowledge this, but didn't pull away either, so Sawyer figured that half the battle was won.

"You alright there, Freckles?" he murmured, shifting his head slightly in the direction of her ear. He was met with nothing; Kate stared straight ahead, walking on auto-pilot. Sawyer noticed her hands were clenched tight. He slipped his arm out of hers and enveloped her hand in his, using his thumb to gently but forcefully uncurl her fingers. Kate resisted, at first, before succumbing. Sawyer rubbed her palm comfortingly, until he heard a sharp hiss and felt something warm and wet. He looked down, and saw little half moon cuts weeping blood where her nails had dug in. Her jaw was clenched.

"Kate," he whispered sadly, his forehead creased. Ever so slowly Kate turned her head, gazing down at their joined hands and the self inflicted cuts. She blinked.

"Oh," she murmured. "I never realised…"

Sawyer dropped a light kiss on her damp curls, pushing some behind her ear. He splayed her fingers out before wiggling his into the gaps, not caring about the smearing of blood inside his palm. He held her hand loosely, so as not to cause pain, but wanted to make sure she wouldn't clench too tightly and hurt herself again.

On and on they toiled. Perspiration dripped down their faces, on Sayid's it practically poured. The baby had been wailing on and off, and Claire was starting to think it was time for her to try breast-feeding. Sawyer looked at Kate's tight face and was about to suggest taking a break when an ominous rustling turned into ground shaking thunder. Claire looked up fearfully, but the thunder wasn't coming from the sky.

Soon the thunder mingled with a ferocious rustling. The group all looked at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move. As the parting trees creaked in the distance, it was as if a starting gun had been fired; they suddenly turned, and ran.

Kate slipped her hand out of Sawyer's grasp, and full on sprinted through the dense forest. Sawyer ran after her, slipping and sliding on loose leaves, frantically pushing branches out of his way. Now the thunder was getting louder, and a deep rumble meant the sky had joined in too. Rain suddenly lashed down, striking the couple with big fat droplets, and Sawyer kept pushing his hair out of his face impatiently, angry that it was obscuring his view. One particularly large drop splashed into his eye, earning a curse from Sawyer, who irately blinked it away before realising that one moment had cost him Kate. He spun around, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"Kate!" he bellowed as loud as he could. "Kate!"

For a minute all he could hear was the thunder and the loud hiss of the rain. Then, almost magically, he heard a faint cry of "Over here!" Sawyer hadn't realised how tense his body had become and he drew out his breath in relief.

"Keep shoutin'!" he yelled as he tried to run towards the source of the voice.

He stumbled upon Kate, drenched to the bone, teeth chattering, and he was in awe of her beauty. He enveloped her in his arms, rubbing her back up and down, as if to create a warmth in them both.

"Baby, I didn't know you were that wet for me," he murmured into her ear. He felt Kate shiver, and he wondered whether it was the cold or the line, until Kate spun around and shot him an "I don't believe you or your timing" look. The world seemed to stand still for the two, the incessant drizzling nothing but background noise now, the jungle backdrop out of focus, all concentration on the other. Kate breathed heavily, looking wary and guarded, until the all too familiar rumbling seemed at once to magnify its loudness by a thousand. Kate glanced at Sawyer, rocking on the balls of her feet. He nodded imperceptibly and they both turned and ran as fast as humanly possible.

Kate led the way, and Sawyer followed without question. The sound grew louder and they ran faster, faster, trees whizzed by in a green blur, the rain looked like mist. Kate tripped over a hidden boulder and fell heavily, gasping in pain as her previous injuries made themselves known. Sawyer picked her up and set her on her feet, dragging her by the waist. There was no time to stop, no time to give in to pain.

They ran for what seemed like hours. Finally, _finally_, the thunder quietened. A roar was heard in the far distance, and from the sound of things, they were no longer being chased.

Kate slowed down as the jungle became less and less dense, meandering towards the beginnings of the beach. She slowed down, uncertain.

"This isn't our beach," she stated. Sawyer appeared behind her, and swept a higher branch out of their view. They paused, gazing at the sand, the sea. They stood frozen on the outskirts of the beach, as if going on the beach was to step into the forbidden. The rain abruptly stopped, and the sun shone brightly. Sawyer could feel the evaporation of the rain on his arms, it tingled.

The moment was broken. He stepped out onto the sinking surface of the sand and tore his shirt off, wringing the excess water out. He stretched, grinning wildly.

"Boy," he smiled. "That was one hell of a ride!"

There was no answer from Kate and he turned around to see he leaning against a tree trunk, looking tired and uncomfortable.

He came over to her, trying to warm her up again with her arms, but she slapped him away, before realising that it was only Sawyer. Sawyer looked affronted but made no move to back off. Kate felt panicky and uncomfortable with someone so close in her personal space, and she squirmed free of him.

"Kate."

There was space, she could breathe again. She paced up and down the water's edge, gathering her thoughts. Sawyer allowed her time, but was getting a little pissed that she kept ignoring him and took matters into his own hands. He stood directly in front of her.

"Kate."

"Sawyer."

They stood, locked in a silent standoff. Sawyer moved closer to Kate, and she swallowed, stumbling back.

"You don't need to be scared of me Kate," he murmured, attempting to lay a reassuring hand on her arm. But she brushed him off, stepping back until there was enough space between them.

"I know," she whispered forlornly. "I know." She wrapped her arms around herself and stared desolately into the distant ocean. "I just-" She started, then stopped again. She opened her mouth a few more times but nothing came out. Frustrated, she bit her lip.

"Sawyer - I can't – I don't – it's not you, ok? It's me. I just can't handle this right now."

"This?"

"This…intensity we have." She pre-empted his "why?" with a "you know why, Sawyer."

"So what? You're goin' to let the bastards win?"

Kate scowled and turned her head sharply at him, wincing as the stiff bruises throbbed. "It's not that easy. Not all of these scars will heal Sawyer. You know that."

Sawyer ruminated for a few minutes, kicking a convenient piece of driftwood. Finally, he spoke.

"I'm sorry." He threw his hands up in the air, before clutching at his hair in frustration. "I can't do this. I can brave all those things in the jungle for you, I can fight for you, but I don't know how to stay. I can't- I can't help you, Kate. I don't know how. I can barely protect you as it is…All my life I've ran away from any commitment which wasn't to a con, and I just…I don't think I can start now. It's too late for me. This isn't – it isn't easy. I don't know how to look after you."

"So what? You're just going to leave me? Again? Sawyer, I don't give a sht about what you think you can and cannot do because frankly, you chose that life in the past. But if you're going to use that as an excuse to get you out of this…this…relationship, then I guess everything you've ever done for me was a lie. And I refuse to believe that. I've been through a trauma here, Sawyer. I'm sorry if you don't seem able to grasp that. I like you, I really do. But every time you come close to me I think of…" Her voice cracked and gave out, and she looked away, willing the tears to disappear. She slid awkwardly down the tree trunk until she was sitting, knees drawn up to her chin. She continued in a more subdued tone.

"Sawyer? That you came to rescue me…it means a lot. Really it does. Don't ever think it didn't ok? I know you're a good man inside, and I don't want you to beat yourself up over what you couldn't control."

_Come sit with me,_ she silently added. Two minutes ago the sheer touch of another human had flashed horrific memories in front of her, but now she craved the comfort that only Sawyer could give her. But her stubborn streak refused to allow her to voice this out loud. He stood stock still, drinking in the sight of her.

"Look," he said finally. "I can't do this. I'm gone."

"Fine," Kate breathed out wearily. She hid her rejection well, she was so exhausted she just wanted to close her eyes and hope it was all a bad dream. The finality of his words hadn't sunk in, all she knew was she was tired of the cat and mouse antics.

"Fine," Sawyer repeated flatly, almost in confirmation of her words. He turned, seeing no way beyond his own stubbornness, then turned back resolutely, before doubting himself again. He turned once more, until Kate stopped his uneasy dance, a sudden spark returned to her.

"You know what? You're a stubborn ass at the best of times, but you're really going to leave? I may run away from the cops, but you run away from yourself, Sawyer." She spat her words, and Sawyer looked at her, surprised at her emotional yo-yo-ing.

"Freckles, I'll agree with you that there's more than a smidgen of truth in that. But I can't help you, and that only leaves hurtin' you, which I ain't keen on doing, so I'm going before I make things worse."

She stood up, and walked over to him. He stood, entranced by her graceful movements. She came closer, closer, until her lips were upon his and her hips ground as tightly as possible to his body.

"Kate," he moaned softly. "Kate, I can't ever leave you. I'm an ass." They continued their embrace, both revelling in their closeness. The kiss soon heated up, and Sawyer forgot himself in his hazy lust for her. He moved to slip a hand into her trousers and she froze, struggling against his strong hand.

"Sawyer," she whispered. "Don't. Please."

The wind shuffled restlessly and blew loose leaves back and forth. The sky was a murky grey, a sure sign of more rain. The bright tones of the beach seemed to melt into dull monotony, the blue-grey waves dolefully forcing themselves up and down. Kate noticed vaguely how Sawyer's eyes matched the stormy ocean, as he gazed intently at her, breathing harshly, for once thinking before speaking. He looked into her eyes, wondering where that bright sparkle had gone. The green of her eyes looked washed out, she looked tired, she looked defeated. He rested his forehead on hers; dragging his hands slowly up to rest just above her hips.

"Kate," he muttered raggedly, helplessly. "I don't – I don't know-"

She cut him off by brushing the pad of her index finger over his lips.

"It's ok," she murmured. "I don't know either. Just hold me?"

"That's enough?" he asked in disbelief.

"It's more than enough Sawyer. That you're here…that's enough."

He led her to a tree and sat down against it, pulling her against his chest. She snuggled happily into him, satisfying her craving for his touch. She gently rested her hand on his chest, where her head lay.

"Sawyer, you're trembling."

"Sorry, I just- I'm scared Kate. I'm scared that one day I ain't going to be to hold myself back. You saw what I was like just then. I promised myself I'd back off, then less than two minutes later look at me! Freckles, I ain't no gentleman."

"Sawyer, I didn't want a gentleman. You know that. I want you." She craned her neck to look up at him, and smiled, before, wriggling back to her previous position.

"Tell me- tell me if I go too far, ok?" Sawyer asked hesitantly.

"Always, cowboy," smiled Kate into his chest. Sawyer allowed himself to relax, and gazed across the beach. His eyes fell upon the far left of the beach, where some sort of rope lay on the sand, one end burrowing into the sea, the other snaking into the jungle. He pointed it out to Kate, who had heard Sayid's tale, and realised it must be Rousseau's. Now, all they had to do was follow the beach around until they met the camp. Hopefully the rest of their group had made it back. Kate vetoed the idea of pulling on the rope, to Sawyer's disappointment, but he was comforted in the fact that they didn't have to leave _right_ away…


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: So finally, I have written another chapter. Huge apologies for those of you waiting, I'm afraid this chapter isn't anything special, from here on out it's just wrapping the story up. It shouldn't have taken this long, but I lost my muse for awhile plus schoolwork really hit hard this last month. Plus, I had my NY/DC trip (which was beyond awesome) but now I have a week left of my Easter hols and hopefully will get more writing done.

* * *

**Chapter 27**

They sat like that for a while, entwined in the other's embrace, a mass of limbs. Sawyer's hand rubbed up and down Kate's back gently, in time with the lapping of the waves. His touch danced over her skin lightly, and she pushed herself further into Sawyer's embrace. Suddenly she was very aware of every nerve ending, this time in a good way, and just as suddenly, it wasn't enough. She craned her head to look up at Sawyer, her eyes blazing with passion and her lips armed with a come-hither smile. Who was Sawyer to resist?

Both immersed themselves in the kiss. As much as Kate tried to fully focus on the sensations she was feeling, flashes of her ordeal kept breaking free from the recesses of her mind and infiltrating her thoughts. She bruised her lips against Sawyer's, harder, harder, physically trying to force the thoughts from her mind. She shifted against him, straightening up so she was on her knees, head above Sawyer's. She buried her hands in his hair, writhing suggestively against him as she fought to soothe her mind.

She gasped as Sawyer pulled away, hair tousled, eyes wild. Sawyer had some idea of what she was feeling, but decided not to call her on it straight away. Words had never been his strong point. Instead, he kissed a trail down her neck, each becoming gentler than the last, until his head was buried in the crook of her neck, and he leisurely kissed that delicate spot. Finally, he rested there, smelling her unique scent, gathering himself, finding the words.

But he didn't need to. Kate pulled away slightly from Sawyer's grip, and closed her eyes, fighting back tears. The hot stinging sensation behind her eyes was too much, and Kate cursed herself for crying so much in front of him. This wasn't the wild, uncontrollable, full-on crying from early, these were defeated, exhausted tears of someone who had seen and been through too much in life. A few tears escaped, and Kate sniffed, her body spasming slightly with repressed emotion, eyes still closed. Her eyelids fluttered open as Sawyer kissed each moist eyelid gently, tears hanging on eyelashes, framing her face. Kate smiled wanly, closing her eyes again, hiccoughing as the tears subsided. She leant into him, resting her damp curls against his firm torso.

"Got any water?" she asked croakily a minute later, pulling herself up from Sawyer and running a hand through her hair half heartedly. She stretched carefully, aware of her bruises, as Sawyer opened the rucksack he still, by some miracle, had held onto. His actions became more frantic as he scrambled through the bag. Kate looked on in concern as Sawyer's mission became more and more fruitless.

"We don't have any left," he said hollowly. "We must've drunk it all."

"Then we better get back to the camp, and soon," Kate decided, standing up slowly. She wobbled a little, and Sawyer jumped up to help her. "I'm fine Sawyer," she replied, a little irritated.

Sawyer held his hands up in surrender. "Fine."

Kate sighed. "Please, don't start that again."

Sawyer made some noises of protest but Kate silenced him with a look. "Only tryin' to help, Freckles," he muttered sulkily. He stalked off, in the general direction they had deduced would lead to the camp, and Kate paused only a moment before following him.

She looked at the sea.

"Water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink," she recited dryly.

* * *

Hours past and still, they toiled. They had kept to the beach because firstly, it was a lot safer – you could see anything coming for miles; and secondly, they couldn't get turned around. The sun was beating down on their heads, and their mouths were as dry as sandpaper, but they knew they couldn't stop. They had no water, and the salty sea water was worse than no water at all. Sawyer didn't want to risk going into the jungle again unless they absolutely had to, and there was no guarantee they'd find any spring water. The best bet was to head for the camp, and so they did.

The lack of water was getting to Kate's head. She was already severely weakened from her ordeal with the Others, through sleep-deprivation, food-deprivation, and water-deprivation, not to mention the physical injuries she had sustained. Sawyer glanced over out of the corner of his eyes, hissing at the sweat that stung his eyes. She looked utterly exhausted. Sawyer took a moment to marvel at her resilience, her stubbornness (she had said not one word of complaint, or for that matter, anything at all), but she looked as if she would drop dead on her feet at any moment.

He walked towards her.

"What are you doing?" she murmured tiredly, before squeaking as Sawyer lifted her up in his arms.

"I'm making an executive decision."

He jiggled her until both were comfortable, and then resumed the steady pace. Sawyer bent his head a little to reach Kate's ear, gently kissing it.

"I just adored that little squeak you did just then sugar. Didn't know you had it in you." Maybe it was a combination of the whisper, the Southern drawl, or the fact that the words seemed to drip from his mouth like honey, but Kate felt an overwhelming urge to swoon. Sawyer chuckled. "No need to faint on me princess, I've already swept you off your feet."

Kate smiled tiredly, letting the sun bask across her face. The light banter made things more bearable somehow, it made things more normal. Sawyer was a little worried that Kate made no protests whatsoever about him carrying her, this was definitely a red flag. He upped his pace a little, determined to reach the camp by dusk. They couldn't last long without food or water, and like it or not, the only person who could help Kate was Jack. Sawyer scowled. That was a hard pill to swallow.

* * *

By the afternoon, Kate had slept a little, and had woken up a little more perky, for which Sawyer was grateful. However, the perkiness subsided into a prickly argumentative mood.

Kate objected to being carried, she didn't want to rely on Sawyer and she didn't want him too tired so they couldn't continue. Her legs were itching to be used, and with every step Sawyer took, her legs dangled helplessly in the air. She could stand it no longer. First she requested nicely to Sawyer, who flat out refused. She tried some more persuasive techniques but Sawyer had a stubborn streak which appeared to rival her own. This didn't help matters, as the hot exasperation building in her chest grew to unbearable levels.

"Sawyer, I can WALK!" Kate cried, somewhat brattily, irritation breaking out.

Sawyer breathed through his nose, then nodded abruptly.

"Fine."

Kate found herself being unceremoniously dropped on the floor. She winced as she hit the sand with a muted thud, the sudden motion jarring every pain and ache in her body. She sat there, frowning for a few minutes, looking for all the world like a petulant child.

Sawyer had to turn away at the sound of her hitting the ground. It was a split second decision, his anger getting the better of him, inner frustration bubbling out. Only it wasn't a split second decision, he reminded himself, there was that moment where he had actually thought about it. And thought it was a good idea. He kicked the sand angrily, scowling at Kate for causing these complicated thoughts and emotions that constantly bombarded him.

Neither had any idea how odd they looked; two adults, motionless, glaring at each other. It was a game of sorts, to see who could hold out the longest, who was the most stubborn today. This time it was Kate who gave in, saying nothing but holding a hand out to Sawyer. She looked at him expectantly and he lingered, enjoying the small power he had. He knew he would take the proffered hand, but suddenly she wasn't looking quite so sure, so Sawyer grabbed it before she could retreat, pulling her up.

* * *

Since the disappearance of so many members of the camp, so many that he cared about, in so many different ways, Jack had found it hard to keep himself busy. Rationally, he knew someone of authority had to stay behind, to lead, but that didn't make it any easier. Mostly, it gave him time to stew over the way he had left things with Kate. He wasn't proud about it. He knew that what he did, removing himself from the situation until it cooled down, was the best thing to do in a normal situation, and how was he to know what would happen? Maybe he would have said things differently if he'd have known what was going to happen. – no. That wasn't the right train of thought. There was nothing he could do about it now. Now, all he could do was wait.

All this he thought as he strode down the beach, his bare feet making balanced footprints as he followed Jin. He had decided to ask Jin to teach him how to fish properly – he figured it was an important thing to learn for survival; if these last few weeks had taught him anything it was that no one was going to be around forever. They couldn't rely on Jin for the majority of the fish for the camp.

They had been walking for a couple of hours, and Jack was about to ask if they were there yet, when Jin turned around, and carefully enunciated "fish". He sat down on the huge rock that jutted out and nodded appreciatively at the spot. It was way out from the camp, but the fish here were in abundance. Jack squinted out into the horizon, letting his feet dangle into the cool blue water. Jin jabbered something he couldn't quite make out, but the annoyed swipe at his feet got the message through and Jack removed his feet. Jin instructed him through talking very fast and indicating to the appropriate parts. It was hard going, but Jack got the gist of it and settled in to start fishing.

They had been there a couple of hours. They had taken water with them and had eaten some fruit Claire had made sure they took. Jack looked around almost contentedly at the scenery around him, about to comment on how beautiful it all was, when his gaze fell on two figures in the distance.

His heart leapt a beat. It was Kate! And Sawyer. It had to be. Yes, no one else had those wild, untameable curls, and Jack could detect a surly posture of the male that could be none other than the wise-cracking, name-calling Southerner he knew.

Jin noticed too, and he called and pointed. Both men leapt to their feet and sprinted to the two solitary figures, bright against the landscape. He stopped a few feet away from them, panting slightly, squinting against the bright sunshine.

"Well, Doc," a familiar voice drawled. "Didn't know you'd be _that_ happy to see me."

* * *

They kept their reunion short. There was still tension between Kate and Jack, and Sawyer wore his protectiveness like a coat of armour, making Jack so very clear about where he stood. Jin was pleased to note they had returned safely, having a hug for each of them (a back-slapping for Sawyer, with a gentler one for Kate). The foursome trekked back – "it's a couple of hours away" – with the two guys giving the rest of their water (which wasn't much) to the parched duo.

Kate had kept up fine for a while, but Sawyer noticed she was starting to drag, and leaned into her. "Y'alright there, sweetheart?"

"Hmm? Yeah…"

Kate's response did little to soothe his worries. He was tired, and feeling a little weak himself, but Kate still looked ten times worse and he knew she would never admit it. He decided to keep an ever closer eye on her. Half an hour later she was definitely showing the effects of her ordeal. Jack hadn't noticed, being ahead of the two, and decidedly not listening to them, but his thoughts had only occupied him for so long and he caught the odd sentence from behind him.

"Woah there sunshine," Sawyer drawled, steadying a stumbling Kate with a firm grip around her waist. Jack detected a hint of concern in Sawyer's voice he hadn't really noticed before.

Kate swayed against him and he chuckled grimly, pausing to right herself. "You been drinkin' outta my stash again Freckles? I told you there'd be consequences, but no, you just laugh it off. Think I'm being kinky. When I'm being kinky you'll _know_ I'm being kinky sweetheart-"

"Alright!" Jack's strangled yelp came out louder than he intended and he cleared his throat, eyes darting anywhere but towards those two. When he trusted himself he spoke again, albeit somewhat lower than usual. Sawyer smirked at the doctor's attempt at re-asserting his masculinity. "We need to get Kate to the caves, stat. She needs rest, and a proper look over."

Sawyer agreed with Jack, but couldn't admit it so went for the easy target of baiting the good doctor. "Stat? Do real people even use that word? Isn't that something people just say on ER to make them sound all impressive or something, Doc?"

"Laugh it up all you want, Sawyer, but don't risk Kate's life on it. She's dehydrated and I don't know the details of what happened, but she looks far from alright."

Sawyer sobered up at this, clutching an oblivious Kate closer to him. Kate, on the other hand, was gazing vacantly into the ocean, swaying slightly in rhythm with the ocean. Sawyer leaned in close and kissed her hair, noting the way her curls were damp with sweat.

"C'mon, Kate. We need to get going."

Jack was startled to hear him call Kate by her real name, hell he was startled if Sawyer called anyone by their real name. But what was more startling was the way Kate snapped out of her daze enough to smile wanly in acknowledgement of Sawyer and to take a few unsteady steps forward.

Sawyer debated with himself for a second, before crouching down next to Kate, and gently swinging her up into his arms.

"I let you have your Girl Power, I-don't-need-a-man, I-can-do-it-on-my-own crap, but now it's my turn. You look like hell, sweetheart."

Kate murmured in a sultry voice "Baby, if I look like hell then you must be a devil in disguise."

Both laughed in a way that only an intimate couple can, sending spikes of jealousy down Jack's spine. The way she leaned into his broad chest, the way he ducked his head sheepishly towards her…all the resentment he had garnered towards them all came flooding back. Despite his best altruistic intentions, he couldn't deal with the Kate and Sawyer show. He decided to walk next to Jin, trusting the two to follow. He huffed, clenching his jaw.


	28. Chapter 28

**Reflections**

**Chapter 28**

_A/N: I'm so incredibly sorry about the wait, I hope this makes up for it!_

**For Roxy, Laura and Allie

* * *

**

Sawyer was exhausted. Kate had drifted off into an uneasy, and frankly unsettling, slumber. Her dead weight bore down on Sawyer's arms, one arm draped loosely around his shoulders, her head resting on his chest. Where her body and his made contact was simultaneously uncomfortable and delightful – the trust inherent in the intimate curling Kate had positioned herself in before dropping off made Sawyer reluctant to move her, but the heat generated between the two of them was stifling, and the sweat from his body and hers soaked into his shirt, causing an irritable friction. His mouth was dry and sticky and a tickle in the back of his throat demanded cool liquid relief.

"Hey, Marathon Man, you wanna slow down a little and tell us when you're planning on finding the damn camp? I could've found it faster myself blindfold."

"Sawyer." Jack breathed through his nose, took a deep breath, and forced himself to remain calm. "You are the one holding us up. You are tired, you're carrying Kate when you look like you're going to drop dead yourself. So why don't you let me carry Kate so we can get to the camp faster?"

His slow, condescending tone made Sawyer scowl, unconsciously tightening his grip on Kate.

"She's just dandy where she is," he growled almost savagely.

His mistrust deepened when Jack walked towards him. Sawyer stood his ground, holding Kate to him closely. His eyes followed Jack's every move, becoming more and more wary as Jack studied Kate intently. He gently moved his fingers to brush her swollen neck, but Kate flinched sharply in her sleep, burrowing deeper into Sawyer's arms. He tore her away from Jack, snarling at him.

Jack pursed his lips in frustration. His rational reasoning was that he needed to see the extent of the damage, see if she would have any trouble breathing. The real reason was that he needed to touch her, needed to prove to himself that she was still Kate, still alive, still her. A part of him craved her touch, and to see her flinch and turn to Sawyer, whilst unconscious, hit him like a punch to the stomach. Then he had to factor in the fact the longer they stood here, silently facing off, the longer Kate would go without the proper medical attention. First and foremost, Jack would always be a doctor, and his instincts told him to leave this tug of war – at least until all three were on a level playing field.

Jin stood silently, watching. Sawyer wondered how he was judging them – their actions spoke far louder than words, and Chewie had to have some opinion of it. But Jin just muttered something in Korean with a raised eyebrow and a pointed head jerk to the right.

"Come on, let's go," Jack finally murmured, straightening up, squinting his eyes as he turned his head back towards Jin and the direction of home.

They continued in silence for another hour. Yet this kind of silence Sawyer was grateful for. Jack wasn't talking, that was a plus, Kate wasn't talking, that gave him time to mull over the day, and most of all, it wasn't complete silence. Not like there was inside whatever the Others had imprisoned Kate and God knows who else in. They had left the beach behind for the jungle – Jack and Jin knew their way back (supposedly, Sawyer was having misgivings seeing as it was taking all the damn day to get back), but still, the jungle was alive. The near and distant chirping of cicadas jarred somewhat, every crack of a branch they stepped on made Sawyer tense up, the soft swish of the foliage being pushed aside by the intrepid survivors wrote a clear message in the air as to where they were, but it was the sound of life. As much as Sawyer had an aversion to various people, he had come to realise he did not want total seclusion. To his surprise, this realisation may have happened because of her, but the realisation itself was not because of her. It was his own growth.

Sawyer stumbled over a particularly nasty patch of twigs and rocks, and instinctively braced his hand over Kate's head as he tried to right himself. Suddenly Jack was there, sharing the weight of her and between the two of them Kate was secured safely in Sawyer's arms.

"I only want for her to be safe, you know." Jack looked directly into Sawyer's eyes, and the intensity of his conviction forced Sawyer to look away. He knew that the other man had feelings for Kate, but in the past he had found it easier to sweep under a façade of sleazy charm and pointed quips. Now, confronted with absolute evidence, he looked away, and felt somewhat ashamed for doing so.

"I need to rest," he offered gruffly.

Jack smiled. Or grimaced, it was hard to say sometimes. But he acknowledged Sawyer's admittance of weakness. It was as close as he was going to get, for now, out of this man, and it was strange but Jack actually felt satisfied with the outcome. He didn't want a debate, an argument with Sawyer right now, and this exchange of information led to an understanding, a détente.

"We're nearly there now, but I think a fifteen minute break won't harm anyone."

Jack knew that Sawyer was aware his offer to carry Kate still held, and that Sawyer would never take him up on it, but despite himself, a little bit of him admired the Southerner for the tenacity and protectiveness he could muster for the curly-haired brunette fast asleep on his lap. He turned to Jin, who had a look akin to irritation on his face, and splayed both his hands up before pointing to his watch. He felt slightly condescending communicating this way, but he justified to himself that at least he wasn't shouting.

He saw Kate stirring slightly and immediately Sawyer's attention was focused on her. He tenderly brushed his hand against the side of her face and smiled.

"Feeling better sweetheart?"

Kate sighed and stretched contentedly, before breaking into a tentative grin, her face arched up towards Sawyer.

"Much."

Jack felt like a voyeur, intruding in on a private moment between lovers, but his ears perked up at the sound of soft, regular thuds. He silently moved through the trees, glad for the distraction but also wary of what it could bring. He needn't have worried about subtlety however.

"WALT! WALT!"

Hushed, angry tones followed, and Jack smiled grimly as the two begrimed figures of Michael and Locke came into view. He walked out of the foliage, as the two acknowledged him, before carrying on with their argument.

"I need to find my boy!"

"Walt will be found when it is time. We must be on the right track; I've been tracking Sawyer's footprints from when he went to the Dark Territory."

Jack cut in, reluctant to increase the bad news. "Guys, first of all, we're about forty-five minutes from the camp, and second, Sawyer's with me. Kate and Jin too, just back there. You must have been tracking us, from the beach onwards."

Michael turned angrily on Locke.

"Looks like your tracking isn't as foolproof as you'd have me believe!" he fumed, a mixture of anger and despair lacing his voice.

"Maybe we weren't meant to find him Michael."

Locke's calm tones did little to soothe the lost father, and he sat heavily on a nearby boulder, cradling his head in his arms, muffled sobs emanating now and then. He punched the boulder, regretting it almost immediately as the pain shot up his arm.

Locke sighed, paused for a moment, then walked slowly towards the others. He stood in front of Sawyer and Kate, smiling almost benevolently down at them.

"I'm glad you two made it out in one piece," he smiled. "I have something I think you'll be thankful for." He reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle filled with clear water. He knelt down next to the couple and offered it to the two. Sawyer motioned for Kate to take it, and she drank thirstily. Sawyer watched the muscles in her neck contract as she gulped, the smooth skin moving fluidly up and down. She sighed happily as she offered the bottle to Sawyer, a bead of moisture sticking to her lip. The temptation was too much for Sawyer and he leant in and sucked it, before pulling her lip inside his mouth, and engaging in a searing kiss. Locke coughed discretely, and Sawyer gulped the rest of the bottle with gusto. He let out a dramatic sigh, smiling contently as he lay against the tree, his arms against Kate as she sat up, her back leaning against his chest.

They sat there, quite satisfied to just survey the scene, to rest. Locke produced a banana seemingly out of nowhere, twirling it expertly between his fingers.

"Banana?" he offered, a huge grin that crinkled his eyes and seemed to almost split his face. When Kate looked dubious he added rather brightly, "Good source of potassium!"

She was hungry, and trusted Locke, so she took the banana, peeled it, split it in half, then passed half to Sawyer before devouring her half. He protested and tried to force her to take it, until she forced the banana into his mouth, a smushed mess around the corners of his mouth. She waited until he had swallowed, then set about licking the banana off his lips. She giggled slightly as she pressed herself against him, and Locke removed himself from the immediate display of affection by engaging in a conversation with Jack, who had emerged from the foliage.

They passed the time quietly, talking, and rebuilding their energy. All was calm, everyone was relaxed. The clearing was peaceful, an oasis of calm amidst the chaotic island.

Then Michael burst into the clearing, pointing a gun straight to Kate's head.

"Tell me where my son is," he growled.

"I don't…I," Kate stuttered, and Sawyer vaguely felt her tense. The situation seemed surreal, and he couldn't process it fast enough. His brain was functioning, but his body wasn't, and he sat there, frozen.

"Tell me where the Dark Territory is," Michael demanded, pushing the gun further into Kate's head.

"I – don't – know," she ground out.

Everyone held their breath as Michael stood suspended in motion. Their breath was loud on the wind, especially Michael's, as all eyes and ears turned on him.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, it was over.

He threw the gun down, panted heavily, before leaning against a tree, facing away from the crowd, and let out a heart-wrenching cry. Jack came behind him and slowly patted him on the back in sympathy. Human contact was the last straw and Michael totally broke down, falling to the ground.

Sawyer turned Kate towards him, and checked for any signs of discomfort.

"I'm fine, Sawyer," she soothed softly.

He wrapped a hand up in her hair, and drew her head to his chest, holding onto her tightly, his breathing still at a slightly accelerated rate. He kissed her head, before allowing himself to breathe freely. She was fine. She was fine.

As if she was psychic, she manoeuvred herself onto her knees facing Sawyer and framed his face with her hands.

"I'm fine," she repeated.

He looked into her eyes and he saw the reflection of himself, and wondered when his eyes had looked that soft. He looked deeper, deeper, past the steely green wall of colour, further, further, past the barriers erected around her heart. He was inside, in her, and he saw it all. He knew some of her past, she knew some of his, neither knew all; but he didn't need that to know her. To know the pain she felt. To know the darkness she knew. But he saw the good in her too, and if there was good in Kate, and he was looking at his reflection, then there must be good in him too. There was love, and laughter, and loyalty in those eyes, so there must be in his too. She had given him everything, everything in one look. No words, just that one look. And in that instant, Sawyer loved her more than he could possibly imagine loving someone.

So he did what he always did now; kissed her senseless.


	29. Chapter 29

Reflections

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own Lost. I would not have written such a terrible ending! Also don't own Ray Charles's song collection._

A.N.: sorry for the four year wait for such a small conclusion. I felt it was fitting to finally finish this after the end of Lost. This was written during S1, and I've come so far since then, but I'd like to thank everyone who's read and reviewed this.

Dedicated to **modernxxmyth**, for convincing me a month ago to finish this, since one person at least would read it! Also dedicated to all the Skaters.

* * *

**Chapter 29: Epilogue**

Their journey was nearing an end, Sawyer could sense it. In both the literal and metaphorical sense. He had found her, he had _found_ her. Sawyer allowed himself a moment of elation. And triumph. _He_had found her. He had accomplished something, something worth doing and it felt kind of…odd, if he was honest. He couldn't quite reconcile pre-island Sawyer with the man he was today. He had changed, somewhere along the way. It had been terrifyingly abrupt and yet he was noticing it in miniscule details, it could have been hours or weeks that the transformation took place, little by little, creeping up upon him so unnoticeably until it had sneaked up and hit him smack in the face.

He'd grown up, finally. He'd found his way, and he found it because it led to _her_. Sawyer allowed himself to smile into Kate's curls as she sat in his lap. It was their final respite before they returned to their beach. Sawyer wasn't sure he'd ever find a place to call home again, not after it had so cruelly been taken from him as a child, just like that. The beach wasn't perfect (_but it was better than the caves, Jackass_), but it was theirs. And with growing realisation Sawyer recognised that 'theirs' wasn't even just him and Kate, but the entire group of survivors. He'd laugh if anyone attempted to call it a family, but it was a community, and one which both of them belonged to, and had, rather surprisingly, made more connections with people than they'd thought. So many people had lost someone, somewhere along the way, but they weren't alone. And if that warmed Sawyer's heart ever so slightly, it wasn't something he was going to admit to anyone, not even himself.

"_Sawyer!_"

The accompanying punch to the thigh, however half-hearted, jolted Sawyer out of his thoughts, and he looked accusingly at the girl in his arms.

"_What?_" came his equally irritated response.

"I've been trying to get your attention for _five minutes_ Sawyer! We going back or what?" There was a hint of a grin on Kate's face, and through the hoarse quality of her voice and exhaustion lurking behind every word, she looked eager to get back to the beach, _finally_. Kate missed her (_Sawyer's_) aeroplane-seat bed –

- "if you say it like _that_ I sound like a five year old! It's not as if there's a steering wheel on the end –"

"Seriously? I say I miss bed and that's your first response? Are you okay?" Kate punctuated her words with a dramatic flourish of her hand to his forehead, oblivious to Jack's discomfort and Jin's laid-back amusement.

"Forty five minutes, guys. Let's go back." Jack's tone was authoritative and he offered a hand to Kate as he stood up. Kate hesitated, then smiled at Jack as she took his hand, wincing as she was hoisted up, her bruises made themselves apparent. Sawyer frowned, but the small hand that looked for his behind Kate's back made him feel a hell of a lot better and he even managed a small magnanimous nod to the good doctor.

_That's my good deed for the day_.

"I'm not going back." Michael's voice was small but firm. "I have to find my son, Jack."

Jack paused.

"I wish you'd come back with us. But I can't even understand what it's like to lose a child…What I would say is to return with us, get supplies, be sensible. You've come in a circle anyway."

"No, I gotta – I gotta go Jack. Now. I _have to find my son_."

Locke entered the clearing with his knives, presumably having left to sharpen them somehow. _Who the hell knows with Colonel Kurtz_? Sawyer thought. _Bet they thought up that 'riddle wrapped up in an enigma' thing just for him_.

"If I go back to where the Others ambushed us, I gotta find something. I can wait. Wait for someone to show up." Michael scratched his neck agitatedly. "Or maybe they'll find me and I can get on the inside."

"You cannot expect to be followed always," Locke noted serenely. Michael looked up at him uneasily, the words whispering through his head like a dream. _Or like a dream I once had…_

Locke smiled, and Kate couldn't resist the urge to shiver.

"Come now Michael, the trail grows ever colder. Goodbye all, I am sure we will see each other very soon."

And with that, Locke guided Michael out of the clearing, leaving a concerned Jack, and an impatient Sawyer.

"Well let's hit the road Jack, and don't you come back, don't you come back no more no more..."

* * *

As they approached the beach, Kate and Sawyer could almost smell it. A small tug on Sawyer's arm signalled Kate felt well enough to walk, although Sawyer knew it _really_ meant Kate was far too stubborn to be carried into camp when she was still conscious. Jack had wanted to get her to the caves for treatment, but the exhaustion in her eyes convinced him that to go bed was the best tonic in the world.

_And it wouldn't trouble the Doc to walk the extra distance to get everything Freckles needs. Especially considering the goddamn way he wouldn't even go after her._

Kate looked at him warningly, and he wondered how she even knew.

"You're glaring at Jack," she whispered, mock-accusingly. Sawyer responded by casually flinging an arm around her as he pushed the final branch away from her face and the full panorama of their beach came into view.

For a few minutes it was calm, peaceful, and _home_. And he kissed Kate on the head in relief. There was a crowd around Claire's bassinet (_thank God Jiminy Cricket got her back alright)_, cooing over the baby and making noises Sawyer was distinctly unimpressed with, until Claire looked up, and beamed. Others turned around to follow her stare, and Sawyer thought it must have been some goddamned invisible code for mass running towards the tired group. He pulled Kate closer to him unconsciously, and she grabbed onto the back of his shirt as she prepared herself for the verbal onslaught, however friendly.

Jack stepped in front of them and put his hands up.

"Guys, I know you're all glad Kate and –" Jack licked his lips as he swallowed the unpleasantness of pride lurking in the pit of his stomach – "and, and Sawyer, are back. But Kate desperately needs rest, and I need a group to come to the caves and get supplies to make her better. So hold off for now, okay, and you can see her later or tomorrow."

The crowd made sympathetic noises and faces, and Kate was glad for Jack's intervention, because she was suddenly _so_ tired…

She didn't even notice Sawyer had guided her to their tent until he sat her down gently, pulling off her shoes. Her eyes closed before her head touched the pillow and Sawyer smiled at the sight, running a hand through her hair gently before pulling a light blanket over her.

"Sleep tight doll face. We gotta lot to face up to tomorrow."

* * *

Tomorrow came, and as the day was dying and the heat gave way to a cool breeze, two figures could be seen on the edge of the beach. He counted her freckles as she lay on the cool damp sand where the shore crept over her, tickling and dancing over her tired body. Sawyer leaned over Kate, resting on his side as he played absent-mindedly with a loose curl on her cheek. The sun was setting but it still had enough orange warmth to highlight the corner of the beach and Kate had closed her eyes in tired bliss. They had come so far, but Sawyer knew they also had so far to go. But he knew it would be alright. Somehow.

Kate opened her eyes and smiled contentedly as she lazily raked her gaze over Sawyer's form, before meeting his eyes. And she knew it would be alright. Somehow.

_Because when I look inside you, I see me_.

And that was no longer a bad thing.


End file.
